The Sparrow and Bear
by Pleiadea
Summary: Sometimes help comes just when you need it. Sometimes they are wielding a gun. Lots of language fun, Jayne feels, and dirndls. Our favourite crew pick up a stray with a dark past. Slow burn romance with OC. Of course you don't need to be told I own nothing, right?
1. Chapter 1

Veronica woke slowly. Her head felt like someone had tried to cave it in, but she knew that wasn't true. She woke up in a hospital bed because she had put herself there. Her vision split into three, then merged back to one as she turned her head slowly to find her father asleep next to the bed in a rickety chair that groaned with the shift in weight as he breathed the deep even breaths of a man exhausted by the events of the past few days.

'Daddy,' she croaked, not recognising her own voice.

He stirred slightly then his eyes popped open, the whites were pale pink shot through with red veins. He had been sleepless until a couple of hours ago.

'Vera,' he lunged forward and cupped her cheek in his spindly, hardworn hand. 'Baby, you're alive. Oh Spatzi they said you weren't like to make it.'

'Don't fret,' she tried to smile but it cracked her top lip, splitting it up the center. 'Aint joining momma yet.' She attempted to lift her hand to cover her father's but found her wrists bound to the sides of the bed. She gave him a confused and hurt look. She was restrained like a common lunatic, like someone who hadn't made the most rational decision a woman could make when faced with an unwanted situation. Her father shook his head and stood, calling for a nurse to come in and unbind her.

'You gotta promise me you won't try and hurt yourself no more,' he told her as the young nurse undid her straps with a skeptically solemn face. Veronica rubbed her wrists and sat up, shaking off the nurse's fussing fingers trying to smooth out her hair.

'Do I still have to marry him,' she asked quietly. The silence between them was punctuated by the din of ships leaving the spaceport that was situated a mile east of the three room longhouse they called the hospital. The whir of the crafts coming in for landing gave her an idea if the answer was not the one she wanted.

'He says he'll still have you,' was all he said.

'One way or 'nother I suppose,' Veronica stood on unsure legs and reached for her sage green dirndl dress that was draped over one bedpost. She smiled when she saw the blood stains had come out and her favorite knitted shawl was there to accompany it. Her sister must have dropped off the laundered dress and shawl, knowing Veronica would want something soft and familiar to change into.

Later that night, after their father had retired with his sipping whiskey, she stood at the basin in the kitchen drying dishes as her sister, Melinda washed them.

'You should be sitting,' Melinda gently chided, 'go pick up your knitting or read a book, Vera dear.'

'Too much to do,' she told her sister. 'Daddy says that dirtbag is still liable to marry me. Getting rid of his little obligation didn't do it.' Melinda gave her sister a horrified look. Not scared of what Veronica had done to escape an unwanted marriage, but that the man who got her into that desperate situation would still have her. 'I gotta leave. He's been havin' at me since I was 13, Melly. He won't never stop if I'm still around.' Melinda dried her hands on her apron and leaned in.

'We could poison him,' she suggested in a stage whisper, nervously looking over her shoulder for their father. 'You could get some lords and Ladies. Bake them into a pie. Or mistake hemlock for angelica one day when brewing tea.'

'Would anyone believe I'd made that mistake,' Veronica asked her sister incredulously. 'We'd have to dose him pretty hefty to do it in one go, as prolonged would leave him still strong enough to have his way for a while. The tox screens before his burial would pick up on it and the cellulose in his belly would point right at us. If he touches me again...' she didn't dare finish the sentence as the stitches in her abdomen throbbed and she placed a hand gently over them. Melinda reached onto a high shelf and pulled down a glass jar with willow bark preserved in it. She handed the younger girl two large pieces.

'Chew,' she demanded and Veronica listened. Her older sister placed her in one of the kitchen chairs and returned to the jobs of the home for the night. She came in and out of the room several times without a word or a glance up. Veronica chewed the bitter bark and tallied up all the money she had in her head. It wasn't much in the way of credits. Once converted the exchange takes five percent. Barely added up to 10 UniversalAlliancePlatinum, but it was a decent week's pay for a couple of hexe that lived in the woods beyond the second smallest village on Agustine. Of course the sisters weren't actually witches but for the people in the small village who could not afford the guild appointed doctors, the term had become a bit of an affectionate pet name. Their momma had taught them about the plants that grew wild and which could be made medicines and which could be eaten. She especially taught them which they were to never eat, touch, or cultivate in their garden. When a brain bleed took her from them in the middle of the night, dear Melinda became the matriarch and finished mothering Veronica where their beautiful Momma had left off.

'If you have to leave,' Melinda's sad yet capable voice broke into her thoughts, 'you need to do it as soon as. He'll be here with first light to make sure you haven't done croaked on him. I heard him on the WAVE with daddy just now.' She thrust a quilted duffle at her and a small wooden box with a metal clasp. 'I gathered your things. Sturdy dresses and some shirts. Gardening clothes and my good boots and a Sunday dress in case you can get to church.' It wasn't much all parceled up like that but it made her eyes spill over anyway. The thought of leaving Melinda and daddy and all their friends was a bit too real. 'The box is all Momma's jewelry and finery,' she went on to explain. 'Don't you dare argue with me Vera. I have her books and her wedding dress and the memory of her. I was going to give you this when you turned 25, but who knows if you'll ever be able to come back, ' Melinda sobbed out but quickly composed herself. 'I won't hold a grudge if you need to sell it on to buy passage. Momma would have told you to do the same. Daddy's bout to go to bed. Kiss him goodnight like you always do and come back here. Once we hear his snoring you steal out the cellar door and don't stop for no one until you've gotten safe passage off this planet and out of this quadrant.'

After kissing her father goodnight and a quiet but tearful goodbye to her sister, Veronica went down to the root cellar and crossed the damp room. She flung open the doors that had brought her to the edge of their property and breathed in the night air. The distant noises of the spaceport like a siren song as she walked briskly, pulling the long shawl Melinda had insisted she take. With her head down and her Titian hair covered so no one recognised her as the young hexe who lived in the woods. One foot in front of the other into the unknown was scary for a someone who was still very much a girl at 22. She walked on, remembering the story momma had told her about marrying their daddy when she was still a girl of 19. She left her home with its sunny summers and endless blue oceans to move to Agustine which was lush and green, yes, but overgrown and scarily wild. It had none of the luxuries she had been used to and momma had to make do and cultivate her knowledge to become useful to these people. An outsider, but useful. That's what Veronica would set out to do. Make a new home that would keep her safe from the evils she'd endured and one that she could make herself useful to.


	2. Chapter 2

Mal gave up trying to pretend the porridge was palatable and spit his most recent spoonful back into the bowl.

'None of us are too good with this, sir,' Zoe lamented, dumping the remainder of her food into the recycler. 'Pre-prepared food is too rich for our blood in any case.'

'While the mush has given us sustenance,' River observed, 'we still miss out on vital vitamins, using up what little stock of vitashots Simon had managed to hoard.'

Kaylee's otherwise sunny demeanor withered by the prospect of choking down another meal that was irreverantly cobbled together with whatever they could find in the galley.

'The only one who hasn't noticed is Jayne,' the pilot Allie told them, motioning to the lumbering mercenary who was going back for seconds. River shot Allie a smile and kissed the Pilot's freckled cheek. The two women giggled among themselves when Jayne's spoon remained poised mid journey to his mouth as he watched the show of affection.

'Gross,' River wrinkled her nose at him, 'no.'

'He doesn't much taste it on account of his taste buds being burned off,' Simon posited. 'All that mudder's milk and smoking.'

'I could trap some while we're dirtside,' he offered, 'if it means you all stop bitchin about protein mush. Anyone know how to preserve it?' No one raised their hand, but Inara still looked around hopefully.

'I miss pie,' Kaylee said dreamily, laying her head on the Companion's shoulder. 'I could WAVE my Ma and ask her how she keeps stuff fresh?'

They all cleaned up from breakfast except Allie who ran off to prep the ship for landing on Agustine. They were breaking atmo in three hours and although ship time was nearly 700hrs the planet time they'd be landing would be 0945hrs. Shortly after River joined her on the bridge.

'Kaylee won't need to WAVE the elder Frye,' she said very seriously. Allie had gotten used to these little turns River had and when they became lovers she had come to accept them as such a deeply ingrained part of her that the strange things she did and said were some of the largest parts of what she loved about her.

'Why's that Baobei,' Allie asked.

'There's a red sparrow with a broken wing. She's a bird...she might be a gun?'

'Do you need to lay down,' Allie asked the brunette, 'maybe go to Inara's for a bit?'

'I love you sunshine,' River told her as she slid to the floor, still graceful but her eyes glazed and her limbs heavy, 'I just need to sleep.' She curled onto her side and fell into a light sleep, soothed by the vibrations of the ship.

She did not dream often. Her nightmares stopped after Miranda but she had these strange dreams sometimes. Like she was stepping into someone else's life and living in their skin for a while. Sometimes it was nice and the people she lived in were doing pleasant things like walking in meadows or calculus or making love. Other times there was screaming or pain. One time there was a tug and a pull leaving her feeling empty, then someone placed a baby in her arms.

This time she was chewing her fingernails on one hand and spinning the stem of a Buttercup in the other, looking up at the board that displayed arrival times of ship at a spaceport. There was a sharp throb just below her belly button, between her two jutting hip bones. It wasn't enough to make her sit down so it must be a normal pain for this girl. Her coppery hair was looped around her head in two braids and her dress was well worn and soft like a nightgown. There was a sense of urgency in the way her eyes searched the board.

Whoever she was in looked over to her side and caught sight of an older ship setting down in a nearby mooring. River recognised the symbol roughly painted on the side.

This girl was scared and River tried to press a calming thought into her brain as she looked at Serenity: 'Home.'

They set down soft as a feather,

'Leaf,' River thought. Allie was gently brushing her hair out of her face as she stirred awake. River smacked her lips together and smiled up at the platinum blond woman.

'Good dream baobei,' the Pilot asked, giving her a hand up. 'You were muttering something. Sounded like German. Do you speak German?'

'Not enough to mutter in my sleep, I assure you. Does Simon want to fuss over me?'

'Didn't bother telling him. You were just having a nice nap. I did keep you up a bit last night,' Allie winked laciviously and wrapped an arm over River's shoulder. They walked close as Siamese twins down the corridor that lead to the loading bay. Kaylee had beaten them down there, taking the opportunity to cycle the airlock and open the bay door, letting in the fresh morning air.

'Mal was up jawing all morning to 'Nara and Zoe,' she informed the sleepy lovers, 'they said if we each take a 2 percent decrease for a couple of months we might be able to hire a cook. Could you imagine?'

'Useless,' Jayne piped up from somewhere behind Kaylee where he was arranging their drop off cargo for easier access.

'Not useless,' Mal decended the stairs and gave Kaylee a little kiss on the forehead. 'Meimei is right. I was going to consult the rest of you before we agreed to start looking. We had such success adding Allie to our crew that I thought adding a cook would help us not waste what precious pre prepped food we can afford and hopefully give us a bit of variety in our diet so we don't use up the good doctor's supply so quickly.'

'I'm not giving up my share, no matter how small,' Jayne grumbled.

'Then no delicious lovely nonmushy food for you,' Kaylee beamed. 'Pie,' she practically squealed as she wrapped her arms around Mal's neck and jumped up and down, jostling him around.

'Luckily I'm willing to give up any difference Jayne's refusal would create,' Inara placed a calming hand on Kaylee's back and smiled tenderly.

'I think our spirits would be better on long stretches with the introduction of a balanced diet,' Simon added as he wandered into the cargo bay. 'It would save you cash in the long run. I wouldn't have to resupply so often, thus keeping us clear of alliance run planets.'

'Too many people in board. I don't like it,' Jayne said.

'You don't have to,'Zoe told him, 'Mal is still captain and I'm still his second and we agree. We need a cook. We'll scope out the talent here. Before we go back into the Black we aim to have a new hired hand. End of.'


	3. Chapter 3

Veronica smoothed down her skirt and squared her shoulders, trying to make her 5'3'' frame seem taller. She knew it didn't work and wished for a minute Melly was there. Her height combined with her lovely black hair and deep hazel eyes made her seem like a goddess and that beauty made her confident and commanding. People listened to Melly. Veronica brushed the wisps of hair that had fallen over her forehead back. She planted a smile on her face and walked up the shallow ramp of the old ship. She didn't know why she had been drawn to it, what with the newer ships heading to the Core docked flanking the sides of it. The old Firefly was inviting and warm in a way she didn't think a hunk of metal could be.

'Permission to come aboard,' she called to the thin woman who was spinning on her toes. Veronica had stopped just short of the threshold, not daring to slip a toe off the ramp until someone gave her the okay. The thin woman stilled gracefully, ending her ministrations with a flourish.

'Granted,' the brunette told her.

'I was wondering if yall were looking for any help,'she asked shakily. 'I worked in the nearby village as a healer with my sister, but she's gone and got herself married now. I'm lookin for work.'

'My brother's the doctor on this rig. But...you can...do something else, right?' River spied the buttercup in the girl's buttonhole. It didn't take reading to know the girl was lying about her sister.

'My skills are limited,' she admitted. 'I can knit and sew a bit. I can work fields and cook but I don't think yall would have a use for that.'

'What fortuitous luck,' Inara popped her head out of her shuttle, her hair still tied up in rags to define her otherwise wild curls. 'One moment I'm a fright!' Inara had been left with River to guard the ship while Mal, Zoe, and Jayne made the drop off. Kaylee and Simon had gone shopping and Allie was getaway in case of anything going wrong.

'I'm sorry, I know it is a bit early,' Veronica began to apologise but Inara cut her off as she descended from her shuttle, now perfectly composed and put together.

'How well can you cook,' the beautiful Companion asked. She had never seen a companion close up. There had been a travelling caravan of them coming through her village on their way to the city when she was a little girl and she glimpsed one through an open window. The woman's veil had shifted in the breeze to reveal a complexion so dark it looked blue, giving her an ethereal beauty that Veronica never forgot.

'Uhh...Um, I'm good. Simple and cheap but tasty and nutritious. Nothing fancy like you're used to probably. But I can bake as well. Cakes and jams mostly.'

'Pie,' River asked.

'Yes, pie too. Seasonal fruits for the most part. Probably not tradtionally considered for eating but no less delicious. I can also make do with little to nothin'.'

'Good,' Mal threw in as he walked up the ramp and handed the credits over to Inara for distribution. 'You'll have to. We have ourselves some lean times these days. Malcolm Reynolds, Captain,' he pointed to his chest, then directed his finger to the statuesque mocha skinned woman to his left, 'Zoe Washburne, First mate.' Veronica shook both their hands and thought she caught a smile from Zoe. Mal pointed behind him to the large man who was kicking the clay rich mud off his boots, 'Jayne Cobb, public relations,' he then gave a nod to the blonde woman who was hugging the dancing one she had met first. 'Allison O'Hara, Allie to most, and River Tam, Pilots.' The two ladies looked at her and waved a greeting. The comm on Mal's shoulder chirped to life as he pressed a button and urged Simon and Kaylee back to the ship. Mal looked to Inara who shook her head yes once, then to River who mirrored the sentiment a bit more enthused.

'Can't offer you much in the way of pay. Your own bunk and 8 percent of our take away, also you'll be reimbursed when we can for food supplies that exceed our allotment. We'll have to hire you on right now because I seem to just make friends wherever I go. Causing me to need to um, leave. Quick like,' he explained before shouting back into the comm again. ' You got all your kit ummm...sorry girl what's your name?'

'Veronica Gotterhaus,' she told the captain, looking around nervously. 'Umm what exactly do you do Captain Reynolds?'

'Transport,' he explained loading a gun and handing it to River. 'Some legal but no less dangerous. Problem?'

'No sir,' she smiled as the large public relations armed gunman pushed her behind him. She took in the scant figures of the women and the black circles under the men's eyes. Seemed they hadn't eaten well or slept a full night in quite a while. She decided the how she could be useful to these people. 'I'll only be needing a bunk and five percent of take away if you increase your food allotment.' Mal looked back at her and grinned.

'Done. Welcome aboard, now get back.' She stepped away from the back of the huge man called Jayne as a two people came running toward the ship.

'What did you do,' Simon asked Mal.

'Made some friends,' he answered grinning in a way that Veronica found both charming and infuriating. 'Allie, Kaylee, get ready to scram. If we burn at 3g for a few we can make it to a new settlement by evening. Got any warrants on you Miss Gotterhaus?' Mal had relaxed and started to cycle the airlock as the two girls ran to their respective stations.

'No but that doesn't mean someone won't be lookin for me,' Veronica answered, twisting the handle of her bag between her hands, knuckles whitening.

Jayne noticed her fidgetting but supressed the urge to lay his hand on top of hers to stop it. It made him nervous.

'Your Mother and Father,' Simon asked, taking her bag and leading her up the stairs.

'Momma's been gone for near ten years and my Daddy...well I suppose Melly will explain it to him when he wakes and I've not brought him his morning coffee,' her eyes started to tear again. She blinked rapidly and looked away from the handsome doctor.

'Husband?'

'Thank goodness no. But he might be lookin for me once he realises I aint round to beat up on anymore. Doctor,' she asked quietly, stopping their journey to face him. 'Are you guild certified?'

'I used to be but it's a long story.'

'That's fine. Momma taught my sister and me how to be healers. I can make up simple medicines from plants and roots but I was askin to see if you had to keep your patients' conditions secret.'

'I can keep a secret if you need me to...uh...'

'Veronica.'

'Veronica. Are you ill?'

'Not no more Doctor.' She took her bag from him and turned to one of the hatches. 'Is this mine?'

'Just push forward and the handle becomes a ladder,' Zoe had come up behind them and tried to slide past. 'Commode is in the corner and bedding is in the recess at the head of the cot. If you need help you call on one of the women with the comm on the wall. The buttons are labeled. You can get me on the general, Kaylee is in the engine room, River and Allie are usually on the bridge together but if one's not there she's usually in the galley. Mal says it'll be a while until we reach the next safe settlement so get yourself sorted then come to the galley.' Her boots clicked past them on her way to her bunk which she climbed into expertly.

'Thank you for showing me to my quarters Doctor Tam,' she pushed forward and threw her bag down with a soft thud.

'Simon, please,' he smiled at her and the one he got in return was enough to break his heart. She was tired, and sad, and hurt in some way he couldn't put his finger on. He thought that was how he must have looked to Mal when he showed up four years ago.


	4. Chapter 4

She's got a nervous disposition,' Jayne complained at Kaylee as he helped hoist something up for her. 'Don't bode well in this type of work.'

'I didn't get to talk to her before we had to make a move. Simon says she's settling into her bunk then she promised to make us all something to eat. Might change your mind about her.'

'My mind isn't controlled by my stomach Kay.'

'No, it's controlled by the little brain,' Kaylee giggled and nudged him playfully.

'Who said it was little huh,' he joked, puffing himself up into an otherwise intimidating stance but she just dissolved into laughter. In the past few years he'd felt like the rest of the crew had warmed to him. Mal only now occasionally threatened to stuff him out the airlock which was a big improvement. Zoe was still shielded around him, but he couldn't blame her after what happened with Wash. She didn't talk much to him socially but once in a while his blatant displays of good humor could get her to crack a smile. Even Inara had come around to his teasing. Simon and River were still cautious around him but on the hospital ship after the Miranda incident River had sat on his hospital bed and stroked his hand as they stitched him up, whispering soothing things like his Ma'd used to. She later told him that she could feel him on the other side of the door when she was slaughtering the Reavers.

'Lord, don't you let that little girl die,' she mimicked his accent. 'You, despite your best efforts, have come to care for someone other than yourself.' His relationship with the reader-turned-pilot had been complicated for a while.

Kaylee had always been his friend. In the beginning he had wanted to bed her, and that was why he was so nice to her but that turned into something Jayne felt was akin to a genuine fondness and friendship. They had become close as siblings, closer than he'd ever been to anyone of either sex. When she started seeing Simon he felt the need to reach out and try to befriend him for Kaylee's sake but he wasn't having it. So they were cordial but far from drinking buddies. Allie was easy to get along with. She enjoyed a few drinks and a game of cards or pool once in a while. They used to scope out the local women together until she found herself in love with River and was shocked to find River returned her affections. That was two years ago and they were still going strong, having moved everything they owned into the other shuttle and lived there in domestic bliss doing whatever two girls loving on each other did behind closed doors. Jayne could only imagine, and he did most nights.

He didn't know what to make of this new crew member. She was small and timid, looked incredibly young in that homespun green dress The way she wrung her hands set him on edge and the way she smiled with one half of her face and not the other unnerved him. Her Germanic accent reminded him of his distant cousins that came to visit his Ma once a year in the summer and how they would speak about him in a strange language always pointing and laughing; the one cousin who never scolded him or made fun of him, showing the harsh tones could hold tender words. Her red hair stirred equal parts longing and suspicion in him.

'She is red sky at night,' River told him later as they gathered around the table in the galley for lunch. 'The one with many names was red sky in morning. Sailors did not heed the warning.' Veronica set oatcakes and caramelised onions in front of all of them. She seemed to have rehydrated some soya and sprinkled it with fresh green chives she produced from somewhere.

'Not much but yall aren't stocked enough for even me to make something fancy,' she laughed a bit trying to make it a joke but her hands clasped tightly in front of her indicated she was serious. They all knew it, their last food stop having been rushed and on an extreme budget and so far in the past the location was a subject of great debate.

'This is incredible,' Kaylee gushed heaping an oatcake with onions and soya.

'Mmmm,' Allie took another bite and let her lids drop in delight. 'Better than what we had for breakfast. And greens. Man when was the last time we had something green?'

'A very long time,' Inara helped herself to another serving, ignoring the annoyed look from Mal.

'Okay Girl,' Mal wiped his mouth and pointed at her, 'where'd you get all this? Were you stowing it in your bag?'

No,' Veronica protested gently. 'You have more than enough oats in storage, I ground those up and used some water to make a paste. Dried those in the oven and sprinkled with a bit of salt. Easy. The onions were laying unused in the back of the cold storage and I used a bit of your margerine ration. Only the tiniest bit to caramelise them. The soya was out of date but still sealed, so was good for one last use but I don't think you should use it again which is a shame. If it'd been properly used and stored away it would have lasted a bit longer. The cooked stuff is fine for a couple of days but the raw should be recycled. The chives I picked on my walk from my home to the spaceport. I just like to smell them so when I see them growing wild I pick a few.'

'Ma de,' Mal told her. 'Welcome to the crew Veronica.' This caused a huge smile to split her face and in that moment Jayne thought she was almost beautiful. It might have been the effect of a full stomach but the little cook looked to be right shiny.

'Please Captain,' she said standing a bit straighter like Melly had shown her, 'If I'm to stay on don't call me that. Close and kin call me-'

'Vera,' River finished her sentence with a dreamy look on her face.

'Right, yes. Please, call me Vera.' They all looked at Jayne.

A few months previously, he'd lost his prized gun in a poker game (that was completely rigged if you ask him). He spent a few weeks grumbling about it and everyone suffered his bad mood. It seemed Vera was the subject of his most recent ornery spell, but after she said that something softened in the mercenary's eyes.

'That was lovely, Vera, sweetheart,' Inara got up and kissed the cook on the cheek. I have some WAVEs to make to set up some business but please let me know when we eat again. For once I'm looking forward to dinner.' The Companion glided out of the galley with a swish of silk and a soft tinkle of bracelets.

'Good job,' Mal congratulated her with a soft clap to the shoulder as he sauntered away as well. Zoe followed suit and Kaylee stretched with a yawn.

'I ain't been that full in a while and reckon I could use a nap. Si?' She didn't wait for an answer and lead the good doctor out by the front of his fancy shirt. Vera turned to see River and Allie had also disappeared. That was forgivable since they had to fly the ship. It left her in the galley with the huge mercenary/public relations representative. He was looking at her strangely, like he could smell how nervous he made her. She reckoned him to be at least ten years older than her if he was a day. He had darkly tanned skin that looked more like the leather on her sister's good boots than something that belonged on a face but it made his eyes, a steeley grey blue color surrounded by thick dark lashes, stand out all the more. He looked like a warrior from Earth-that-was. She tried to recall the name, thinking it might had been Hercules. When he stood to his full height from the chair that seemed comically small for him, he stood an easy foot taller than her. He was the tallest on the ship, she knew even though Zoe was tall for a woman and River was close to the First Mate's height.

'Need some help, little one,' he asked grabbing a dish towel as she filled the basin with tepid water. She frowned at the faucet for a moment, trying not to flinch at his looming presence.

'No,' Vera answered, shaving off the large block of cheap soap. The flakes sat on the water's surface then dissolved, turning the water in the basin cloudy. 'You go relax. I'm used to the washing up. My sister would sometimes get awful tired after Sunday dinner and I'd send her off with a cup of tea and do the washing for her.' She scrubbed the skillet with a cloth,furrowing her brow as the seasoning came off with it.

He ignored her protest and stood next to the drainboard, towel poised and ready for action.

'River told me you're a healer,' he awkwardly mentioned.

'Was,' she corrected him sadly. 'Yall have a proper doctor on board. I'm the cook now.'

'My Aunt Joanie was a healer, saved many a life on the settlement with her potions.'

'Aint potions, Mr. Cobb. They're medicines. Good and proper like the doc has. Just a bit more hard won than those.'

'Point was that later on she became the schoolteacher. But she was always a healer in my mind. If I skint my knee or had a sore throat I still went to her and not some fancy guild doctor. You aint never gonna stop bein one.' He plucked a plate from her hand and dried it, stowing it on the shelf above her head. 'Mayhap ask the doc if you can do rounds with him on the Rim. His prissy talkin puts some of the locals off.'

'Not sure what you mean,' she eyed him in her peripheral vision. 'Doctor Tam speaks beautifully. Clear and concise with no trace of an accent. It's a voice that conveys knowledge.' Her accent lilted and later in life when Jayne remembered her he would liken it to a song. It was peaks and valleys to him. He often thought he spoke like a bulldozer, crushing all the words he meant to get out into one unintelligible string of noises, but the little redhead spoke in a sing-song way that was much unlike the harsh accents of his cousins. He often didn't like people with opposing views, especially when those views held the doc in such high esteem, but he couldn't help but quirk a bit of a smile at her as they finished the washing.

'He is so humped,' River told Allie on the bridge. Allie looked up from the screens and over to the co-pilot seat.

'Who? What,' she asked, leaning her chin on the back of one speckled hand.

'Big man. He thinks she looks like the picture of Eve in his Ma's illustrated bible. When she speaks he hears songs.'

'I like anyone who can cook with nothing. She's pretty too,' River shot Allie a look. 'No use lying, right? Lucky she aint my type cos she aint you.'

'Correct answer,' River smiled out the windshield for a while then turned to speak again, 'She has a wound. Fairly fresh. Someone hurt her. Or made her hurt herself. She's not suicidal but her dying could have been a side effect.' Her hands came up to her head, 'he hurt her for a long time,' one of her hands travelled between her legs and she shut her thighs tightly. 'Made her desperate. He...told her Daddy they were in love and threatened to buy the lease on the land if she didn't go along with it.'

'That poor girl. Riv,' Allie was in front of her, trying to prize her hand out of her half head of tangled dark hair, 'it aint your pain babygirl. It didn't happen to you.' River's breathing calmed a bit and she released both of her hands, placing them palm up on her thighs.

'She doesn't even know how sad she is, how alone. It'll come. She'll cry all night.'

'Can we help,' Allie went back to flying, switching autopilot off.

'No, not now. Not tonight even. But eventually, yes.'


	5. Chapter 5

Inara sat on the catwalk with her feet dangling down. A very unladylike pose but one she enjoyed. It reminded her of her childhood before the Companion house, sitting on the fire escape of the small flat she shared with her parents and five siblings and watching ships take off in the distance. She sighed happily and sipped her tea, a far away look on her face.

She felt someone lingering above her.

'Hello dear,' she said to the presence. 'Seeking counsel once again? Twice in a year?'

'Probably won't be the last time before New Years' either,' the familiar form sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her, nuzzling her neck.

'What is it Mal?'

'Needed your thoughts on the new addition. Zoe likes her fine, Kaylee and the rest think she's right shiny. Even Jayne helped her clean up from lunch when we all abandoned her. Did you sense any trouble, like with-'

'That girl is nothing like that con artist you called wife for a time,' she smiled at the Captain and offered him a sip of her tea. He took the dainty cup and fitted his lips over her faint lipstick stain on the rim. A non-kiss. 'Vera seems a sweet girl, her meekness is not a front for something sinister. I get the feeling she was a good, church going girl before she found her way to us.'

'Are you sayin we'll sully the poor child,' Mal feigned offence.

'I'm saying don't ask her to fire a gun, dear,' she turned to face him full on and ran the pad of her thumb over his bottom lip.

Kaylee rolled on her side to face Simon, who lay motionless in a deep sleep. She smiled as she lightly traced the contours of his face, so changed from when they met. There were lines at the corners of his eyes now and in the middle of his forehead. He bore a few scars on his chest and arms from the fight on Mr. Universe's moon those years ago. He was still the most handsome man she'd ever seen. A full stomach had reignited their libidos and they had spent what time they were expected to be resting doing anything but. Simon, in Simon fashion had fought sleep for a while after to hear Kaylee chirp on the praises of the new cook but ultimately lost that battle.

The comm in their room pinged and she reached over to press the answer button. In doing so she grazed Simon's nose with her bare breast, wresting him from sleep.

'Yeah,' she answered.

'Oh sorry was trying to find Mal,' Vera's distinctive voice came over the speaker. Kaylee inhaled sharply as Simon darted out his tongue to lick her nipple, which dangled over his mouth. 'Sorry sorry.'

'Try the second one down, that should be general,' Kaylee offered, pushing Simon's head away from her chest.

'Thank you. Sorry,' the speaker clicked and the voice was gone.

'Hello,' Jayne's comm hissed to life. He'd forgotten he still had it clipped to his belt.

'What,' he answered, sounding angrier than he meant to.

'Is this Mal,' the voice asked. The certain musical cadence that could only be Vera.

'Nah little one, wrong channel. He might be paying a visit to Inara best not disturb him.'

'I was wonderin if I could get supplies on our stopover, would you know if I am allowed?'

'Allowed?'

'Yes, if he will let me,' she explained trying not to sound like she was talking down to him.

'Girl, do we need supplies?'

'Yes, we're grievously low.'

'Then you tell him you're going out for supplies. You know your business.'

'Can I just do that?'

'Gorram right you can.'

She was skeptical, but pressed the button and spoke again, 'I don't need a market. I need someone to come with me but I reckon I can get most of what we need in the forests. I need someone to run to the dry goods to get salt and oil for preserving. Would the Captain let me out without knowing exactly where I'm at?'

'He'll want someone with you for safety but if it aint costin him money I don't see him being too broke up about it.'

'Shiny,' she replied, 'I'll see if River can be spared.' Jayne's face fell, and he pressed the button again to sign the comm off. Before he could he realised Vera must not have shut off her end. There was sighing, high and soft and sad. He sat back and listened secretly for a while, shaking his head and wondering how this new crew was going to keep up.

Vera had the opportunity to sit on her bed, nothing more than memory foam gel on a metal box that had storage beneath and replay the events of the past few days.

She didn't remember much about being in the hospital. Had they kept her sedated and how close had her antagonist turned fiance been allowed to get?

She lay back and twisted an orange lock of hair between her fingers as she went through her reaction. Melly had told Vera that she was carrying a child. They'd spent all day in the swamps digging up roots and boiling them down to the bitter syrup she had been made to drink. A day passed and the tonic hadn't worked. Melly had told her it might have been too late in her gestation to use it. So after her dear sister and daddy were asleep, she padded down to the kitchen and took the good knife from the block. She took a deep breath and placed the point between her hip bones. She remembered how it had only hurt for a second as the blade went in. Then there was a numbness in her legs as she collapsed on her side, the knife still sticking out of her. Daddy had found her and removed the knife. That was when the pain came back and she started to scream.

There was just black after that.

'I'll die before I ever marry him,' she'd sobbed to no one and covered her mouth, unsure if anyone was able to hear her. The walls on the old ship were thick, true. She didn't want to chance it.


	6. Chapter 6

'So you've just let her run off,' Cillian asked the older man, who looked hang dog and tired. 'She couldn't have gotten far, Hans. Think.'

'I don't know Mr. Vaughan,' Hans spread his thin fingers as wide as he could and placed them on the old wooden table. 'You may be concerned about your fiance, but she's my daughter, man. I understand your anger but please understand what I'm going through.'

Melly sat after pouring the men coffee and kept her eyes down. She didn't want to betray any information she had and she was scared of Cillian. He wasn't large but he was aggressive with a hair trigger temper and she knew what he was capable of.

'You find her, by any means necessary,' Cillian began, sliding a stack of local currency across the table to them, 'and your lease if safe. Deliver her to me and when Veronica is my wife you will never have to tarry again.' He got up and downed his drink, then turned heel and left the house. The door slammed so hard behind him that it rattled the glass in the windows.

'Melly,' her father started with a world weary sigh, 'you know where she is don't you?'

'Daddy-' she started but was silenced by his raised hand, poised just in front of her face.

'Don't you say a word, Melinda. If you know where she's gone and that she's safe, that's all well. If you don't tell me then I can't be tortured into giving her up.'

'I sent her away, I'm waiting on her word that she's safe. I don't actually know where she's at. Daddy do you know why she had to leave? Do you know why she ended up hurtin herself so?'

'They told me her condition, and the way Mr. Vaughan was always paying her attention. His demands to see her, the wide eyed way he watched her when we was all out together. I'm just sorry it took me so long to see it. He was takin advantage of her wasn't he,' Hans' eyes were shining as he raised his head from his hands.

'It's over now,' she rubbed his back in large circles like her Momma used to when he'd get upset about money or the crop yield. 'Our Veronica is a smart girl, she'll get on.'

River recovered in time to land them in a settlement on the edge of a forested area by the time the white sun was low in the sky, threatening to kiss the horizon.

Vera was waiting in the cargo hold as the ship touched down, not having been able to idle the hours away like the rest of the crew had been able to. She fingered the portable comm that Zoe had outfitted her with and spent nearly a half hour teaching her to use.

'If you spot trouble that's directed at you, press this button here and one of us will come running,' she had informed the younger woman. 'If it's the big kind of trouble that involves guns, you turn this knob here three clicks to get River, a futher two to get Jayne, and one more to get Mal. Shiny?'

'3, River, 5, Jayne, 6, Mal,' she recited.

'Ready,' Kaylee asked Vera, looping her arm through the redhead's and lead them off the ramp, into the unfamiliar wilds of a settlement she had never been to.

'We'll have to be quick,' Vera observed, stooping to touch the ground, digging one finger in about an inch into the soil. 'Frost is coming overnight, burdock will be impossible to dig if we wait.'

'I understood three words in that sentence,' Kaylee smiled at her, pointing to a tree, 'are those apples?'

'Wild persimmon,' Vera grinned, plucking a dozen or so and placing them gently in her bag. 'Roasted with game they're well delightful. Oh here we go,' she walked off and knelt in the dirt, 'nettles will provide us females with much needed iron. They're also high in calcium,which with so much time in the Black I'm sure we'll need.' Wrapping her hand in her skirt she picked a great few of the long, spiny stems and carefully kept them in the bottom of the bag where she wouldn't accidentally brush against them.

An hour later, the sun had completely disappeared behind the rolling blue hills in the distance and the ground began to gleam with the dreaded frost Vera had predicted as she and Kaylee made their way back to the ship. They could see it once they got clear of the treeline, shining like a yellow flame against the shimmering indigo of a chilly night. Kaylee stopped their stride to gaze on it for a moment.

'Now I aint never seen much prettier than that right there,' the mechanic beamed, arms akimbo and looking very pleased with herself. Vera agreed, as Kaylee wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She liked how friendly the mechanic was but it made her heart hurt for leaving her sister behind. While they dug up wild carrots, Kaylee had confided in her that she had six sisters, two brothers and a passel of nieces and nephews that she didn't see near enough. WAVEs weren't quite the same as their sticky kisses and chubby hands pulling at her to play with them.

They walked up the ramp to see Inara sitting up on the catwalk in her favourite undignified position,swinging her legs like a little girl.

'Hey you,' Kaylee called up to her happily.

'Hey you,' Inara smiled back prettily. 'Good haul,' she directed the question at Vera.

'Quite,' Vera answered. 'I can make it last a good while as well. Won't need nothin for a while. I'm gon go start cookin. Did Mal get the things I needed?'

'I believe so, darling. You cook away and give us a call if you need help.'

Vera left Kaylee after the girl placed a kiss on her cheek and whispered a thank you for letting her eat all the wild strawberries and not telling anyone.

In the kitchen she dropped her now heavy sack down on the table in the center of the room. She looked over to the cupboards and found four cleaned and skinned rabbits hanging by their feet from a hook in the low ceiling. She smiled, silently thanking the captain who was nowhere to be found for the generous purchase.

As the rabbit stew simmered, the oatmeal biscuits baked and the Rosehip jam reduced, Mal walked into the galley with a drugged look on his face.

'Not a bad spread,' he chuckled lifting the pot lid and sniffing the steam.

'Wouldn't have been possible without ya,' Vera deferred as she rubbed the flour and butter together for the much promised damson pie. It would keep for a couple of weeks, making it a nice treat for breakfasts. Zoe had mentioned damsons were her favorite.

'For once I aint takin this credit,' he told her, crunching a raw wild carrot.

'No,' she started, ' I meant the generosity of the four rabbits. If you get them uncleaned next time they'd be cheaper. I'm not squeamish.'

'Not me, little one,' he grabbed a handful of gooseberries and walked toward the door. 'Let us know when you're ready for us, Serenity smells all kinds of heavenly, I'm sure I saw River licking the walls.'

At dinner, Jayne suspiciously sniffed at anything green that came up onto his spoon but ate it anyway. He helped himself to three oatmeal biscuits and plenty of rosehip jam. It was acidic, not unpleasantly so. Tart and sweet with a burst of the flowery flesh of the fruit that danced across his tongue smoother than the finest whiskey he'd ever had.

Vera had listed all the things she threw into the pot to cook with the rabbits he'd trapped and left for her with no explanation. He'd had a vague recollection of his Aunt Joanie telling him all those plants were good for eating, but it was locked somewhere in the back of his mind, along with the fact that their new crew resembled a girl from back home a long time ago, when he was a much younger man than he was now.

Later that night Zoe sat in her single bunk with the taste of stew still on her lips and remembered her long dead but never forgotten husband. Wash had loved the rare occasion that she cooked. His crooked smile as he teased her about wife soup and wife tea, wife cake, wife kisses, wife hugs. His favorite part of her was right where her back met her legs and how he'd covertly smell her hair while they made love, his face in her untamed curls and he buried himself as deep he possibly could in her, like she was the only safe place in the verse.

Kaylee thought the biscuits and jam tasted like home. Like Sunday mornings and church with her family. It tasted like pride the day her Pop said she could come work with him to fix the farm machinery. It was bright in her mind, a light that shone on her the first time she saw Simon or the giggle she would let out when Jayne teased her about her crush on the doctor. The sweet-tart gooey red that might have been feelings brought to life when you fell in love for the first time. The first time was always new and exciting, but when you fell you fell hard.

Allie got the leftovers after River had eaten and by the time she had finished the stew she found she was crying, ever so quietly. The iron taste of the greens in the soup brought back memories of being a scared little girl, pushed down by the bigger kids in the schoolyard. The grass in her teeth and the scrapes on her knees as they mocked her impossibly white blonde hair and pallid complexion. Frantically trying the scrub the stains from her dress before her parents saw that she wasn't making friends as easily as she had told them. She never liked to worry them. She wiped her eyes and sought the comfort of her lover, hoping to rid herself of the sad thoughts before River found her.

Mal and Inara felt for each other in the night, a reminiscence of dinner stirring their desire to be pressed against each other. The friction of their bodies warding off the creeping chill of the night winds that whistled through the ship. With a stomach full of Vera's food, Mal whispered uncharacteristically tender things in Inara's ear as he wrapped himself around her. Inara relinquished herself to him completely. Her lips sought his in the dark, he still tasted of oats and sugar.

After dinner Simon was on dish duty, but found himself staring mindlessly at the faucet as it eeked out the warm water. He felt the old, soft paper of books beneath his fingers where there was actually dishes. The crackle of fire where there was the heating system of Serenity, and a vision of River, healthy and smiling as she danced in a ballet on some unknown stage in a future that didn't exist. After the last dish was dried and put away, the last glass stacked and secured, he dipped his finger into the deep purple of the damson pie. As he tasted it he made the final decision on a scenario he'd spent too much time contemplating.

'Everyone is so loud tonight,' River whimpered at Jayne, who was sat on the bridge with her, having drawn first watch. Her hands skimmed the shorn side of her head and pressed itself to her temple. 'There's no magic in being well fed,' she accused through her greasy hair,which had fanned over her face from the unshaved side of her head. 'Feral dogs roll on their backs for a sausage.' Jayne huffed and went back to his gun mag, propping his feet up on the console in front of him while River babbled on about magic soup and scrubbing skirts in streams.

'Lena with her sunset hair and blue eyes,' he looked up and River's face was so close to his that their noses touched.

'Leave Lena out of this,' he growled.

'Vera doesn't like men,' River jabbed a bony finger into the hard muscle of his chest. A look of appreciation crossed her face before it hardened again.

'Like you?'

'You know I like men,' she shot him a knowing look, 'I just seem to prefer women. Not a slight on your performance, just your lack of the correct equipment to keep my interest. No, not like me. She doesn't seek relations with men.'

'Why you tellin me this, Crazy?'

River just shrugged, sitting back in her seat and spinning it several times.


	7. Chapter 7

They left Agustine completely the next day. A week later she had finally drawn a solitary night watch on the bridge. On her watch Vera managed a short Wave with Melly not telling her where they were headed but the relief on her older sister's face when she mentioned they were leaving the quadrant spoke volumes. Yes, Cillian had come looking for her. Yes, he had offered them money to find her. Melly said she was worried that he was going to put out a warrant for her, and she was going to consult one of her patients who was a lawmaker to see if he was actually allowed to do that.

'Ich liebe Dich,' Vera reached out and caressed the image of Melly's face.

'Ich habe dich auch lieb,' Melly choked, wiping a tear away. The connection cut and Vera rest her head on the console. For the first time since she started her adventure, she let herself cry. This was not the odd tear she had spilled every night since they took to the air but catharsis with such a force that her body shook. Her breath came out in short laboured puffs, her jaw ached from the silent screams she dare let escape. She cried hard, gave herself that luxury for a few minutes. Once the rage and sadness ebbed she started to compose herself, ferociously scrubbing her hands over her face several times and taking a few deep breaths. She felt someone behind her and turned to see the huge mercenary they jokingly called the public relations official. Over the past week they had shared a watch on the bridge and she found she was able to sit quite happily in his silent company. If he was just that, silent. When he spoke it was awkward and stunted, he often trailed off in the middle of a sentence and she would find him just staring. He sat expectantly in the galley as she prepared meals not entirely unwelcome but stayed in a corner like he thought he wasn't supposed to be there.

He saw her swollen nose and red eyes and decided this may be a job for Kaylee or Inara, but before he could walk away she stood with a dignity that was only betrayed by the state of her face.

'Jayne Cobb reporting for duty,' he held his hand out, palm up. It was an offering, a promise. Almost as if to say 'I won't tell.'

She lightly tapped his palm with hers as she let out a shuddery sigh then said clearly, 'Veronica Gotterhaus, signing off.' He looked down to the blue skirt she wore and saw a large blood stain begin to spread.

'Uhh, girl?' He nodded to the growing blotch of purple. Vera looked down, her hands pressing on what Jayne thought might be the source of the blood and looked up at him. As she applied pressure she let out a shocked cry. Her mouth still frozen on an O, her eyes rolled up into her head and she collapsed toward the floor. He caught her before her head could make contact with the corner of the console. With the little cook cradled to his chest, he hit the comm on the pilot side and yelled for Simon to meet him in the infirmary.

'Sometimes, I swear you make me want to recind my hippocratic oath,' Simon grumbled as he entered the infirmary. He seemed to wake up instantly when he saw Vera on the main operating table, blood soaking the front of her skirt. He looked to Jayne whose worn shirt sported a stain the same size as hers. 'What did you do?!'

'I didn't do nothin,' Jayne shouted. 'I had watch after her. She stood up and started bleeding! Gorram girl fainted, if I hadn't been there she would've cracked her head open on the console. QUIT YELLIN AT ME AND HELP HER!'

Simon cut the blue skirt and black bodice off of her increasingly pale body to reveal her undershirt and plain cotton panties. Just above the elastic to the simple unders was an X shaped wound with many little stitches and staples dotted across it. In the center where it was deepest, the staples were missing and blood was coming in a frighteningly steady stream.

Everything seemed to slow down as River pushed past Jayne who just stood there, blood on his shirt stiffening, an empty expression on his face. He'd seen brutalized women before but this was different. She looked so impossibly small as Simon and River worked on her. Her skin was so white he was sure she was already dead. Dead from an injury by an unknown assailant, maybe her Daddy or a mugging gone wrong. River had told him she didn't keep company with men, so he doubted it was a husband or a boyfriend.

'Self inflicted,' he thought he heard River mutter as she removed the staples from the other girl. If he had learned anything he knew she probably didn't say it at all. Simon rigged her up to one bag of blood and one of clear fluid and gave some order to River as they switched positions. Simon ordered him out to make more room for the equipment.

His shirt sticking to the hair on his chest, he made his way to the bridge to resume his watch as if in a daze. If Mal found him away from his post it would be all manner of shouting again. He walked into the bridge to find Allie sat there in an oversized pair of pyjamas with her white hair piled on top of her head.

'I got it,' he insisted, sitting in the co pilot's seat.

'Nah man,' she told him yawning. 'You got blood all over you. Get changed then you can keep me company. Reckon no one's sleeping tonight.'

A few hours later Simon emerged from the infirmary. Jayne's watch had ended shortly before and he'd decided to stand guard outside the sickbay. Guard of what he wasn't sure, but it felt important that he be there. Inara and Kaylee fretted on the couch while Mal paced back and forth, as if it would help anything.

'She's been with us a week and she almost dies,' Mal said to no one in particular.

'It wasn't anything any of us did,' Simon assured them. 'The wound was self inflicted, she had been pregnant.'

'Had been,' Jayne asked, pushing off the wall and walking slowly to one of the observation windows. Vera was now awake, propped up to a sitting position, and staring blankly up at the ceiling. She turned her head and their eyes met, their green brought out by the bloodless pallor of her skin and the overhead lighting. She weakly attempted to lift her hand and gave him the feeblest of waves. All he could do was press his hand to the glass in response.

'She had tried to hide her injury from us, probably fearing we'd decide she wasn't worth the trouble,' Simon continued. Kaylee gasped at this realisation. 'She told me the whole story, but asked I please not divulge all the details.' Kaylee rushed past Simon to the infirmary and sat down next to the bed Vera was recovering on. No one could hear what they were saying but in the next minutes the two girls were hugging fiercely and crying together.

'Similar injuries, however differently come by are forging a bond between them. Neither can have children,' River told Mal as he let her duck under his arm and pulled her in for a hug.

'Imagine how desperate she must have been,' Inara's soft voice wavered. 'Oh we mustn't let her know we pity her, the poor girl. And we will not turn her out,' she shot a look at Mal.

'She's good at her job, Nara,' Mal said defensively, 'she's thorough and timely. She's saved us not only credits but time as well, allowing us to take this more lucrative job further afield. I wouldn't dream of it. Dare say I've done more for people I like less.'

'I'm standin right here,' Jayne said.

'I know.'

Zoe found them after her watch all sitting around the common area while Simon had gone back in to take Vera's blood pressure.

'How is she,' she asked, sitting next to Jayne.

'Hurt bad, doc says,' Jayne answered.

'She will be fine,' River assured Zoe but glanced sideways at Jayne. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs and looking down at his hands, joined in the expanse between his knees. River saw his knuckles whiten as Simon went through the simplified explanation of a long, terrible reality that their new cook had lived.

'You cannot kill every boogeyman,' River told him.

'You did,' he accused her.

'I did. But you are unengineered flesh and bones. Viscera and guns. You will meet your end if you try.'

'You tell the future now, Moony?'

'No, but my powers of deduction rival the most historic of detectives. I heard you scream when she fell.'

'Gou pi.'

'Gou pi is right Jayne Cobb.' That thought combined with the fact the Doc was able to fix anyone up, no matter how close to death was probably right amusing to the two girls. 'Rest assured she does not know what you think about when you retire for the night. She cannot hear the things you think about her while she innocently knits on her watch. She cannot read the look in your eyes. See to it she doesn't or she will leave us.'

Vera had gotten up late in the ship's day cycle, startled. She had missed making breakfast and laying things out for lunch. She sat up with a start to find the pain in her abdomen much less pronounced than it had been for the previous week. She remembered the moment before she fainted, and had flashes of memory from the past few hours, including Kaylee commisserating with her and Jayne checking in on her, River and Allie popping in and out and Zoe stroking her hair gently and standing in stony silence. Mal and Simon were talking quietly outside the infirmary door and both looked over to the bed when they heard the rustle of the cheap linens they kept on the infirmary beds.

'Whoa,' Mal rushed to her side to help her swing her legs over the side of the bed, 'hey take it easy, where's the fire?'

'I missed breakfast,' she explained weakly, standing shakily on her bare feet.

'We took care of it. Hope you weren't saving that pie for anything,' the captain explained, grinning handsomely.

'I have to lay out lunch,' she continued, picking up her torn skirt and shirt, frowning.

'Hope you don't mind but I sent Inara into your bunk to fetch some clothes,' Simon proffered her a clean pink dress and cotton slip with her pale blue unders folded on top. The men turned so she could dress in relative privacy. She noticed she was able to move more freely than she had been and smiled at the dull pain as opposed to the stinging, sharp kind she had been experiencing.

'Thank you both,' she said and walked in front of them to look them in the eyes. 'It seems I was more ill than I had thought. I'm sorry I didn't tell ya sooner, Captain Mal. It was a mite embarrassing.'

'I aint chuckin ya out, but I need to know if this man who...well, if he's gonna be a problem.'

'He doesn't know where I'm headed, doesn't even know when I left. Day after the hospital let me loose I was on my way to yall. Now excuse me, yall are probably starvin. Especialy big man and River.' She went to leave and Mal stopped her again.

'You aint fightin this alone no more. We take care of our own.' She nodded as he gave her a kiss on the forehead like he had seen him do to Kaylee time and time again. It meant she was one of them now.

Simon took her elbow and helped her walk cautiously to the galley, ignoring her insistence that she was fine.

'Yes look how fine you were, bleeding and fainting all over the place,' Zoe chuckled as they entered and Simon sat Vera down in a chair. A spread was on the table of some of the pickled vegetables and dried crackers she had made when she wasn't on watch or knitting in a corner of the ship. A can of protein had been emptied and simmered in some of the sauce she had preserved in the few old mason jars she found in the cupboards and a day of fiddling with the big old stewpot. Kaylee had made her a plate heaped with food and set it down in front of her.

'It's well past lunch,' Allie explained as she sat next to Vera. 'We thought this fare would be just fine for dinner. Hope its up to your standard.'

'You didn't have to do this,' Vera told them, 'I'm perfectly well to stand at a stove.'

'I don't trust myself to catch you if you faint again,' Jayne told her grumpily.

'So rest, eat and after I have matcha I've been saving for clients. We'll have some in my shuttle,' Inara pressed a kiss to the top of the cook's head.

'Thank you for getting help,' she whispered to Jayne and went to touch his arm. He retracted as if burned by her touch.

'You don't owe me nothing,' he said around a mouthful of protien. He swallowed hard and turned to face her profile, using her fork to take small bites and chewing thoroughly. Softly he breathed out 'Glad you're okay, spatzi.*' Vera dropped her fork and turned to look at him.

'Thanks to you,' she managed after a moment. She picked up her fork and loaded it up with more food. Before it touched her lips she smiled a bit and said quietly, 'Grosser bar**,' then popped her food in her mouth.

On the bridge, River was flooded with images from everyone at the table. Simon was turning over an imaginary ring in his mind. It had to be purple, or pink he had decided. Zoe was watching and listening, just absorbed in having everyone whole and safe. Inara had her thigh pressed against Mal's who had his free hand on her knee. Inara was happy in her happy-sad-dying-living kind of way. The sauce was paprika laden, which made Kaylee glow from the inside out like when she had shared the secret strawberries with Vera. Allie was on her way to the bridge with a plate for River, humming a tunelessly. Jayne was sat next to Vera, he could feel her body heat radiating next to him and smell the soft cotton of her dress. His mind was focused on her lips and the strange thing she said to him. 'Big bear,' River tried to press into his mind. He was more difficult than the other crew to do this with. A glance at the mercenary gave her a fluttery feeling, but also a feeling of security. He was large and tough with a rough hewn face that wasn't ugly but surely wasn't overtly handsome like the Doctor or their roguish Captain. The thought scared the young cook, causing her to shudder and shift in her seat. River then realised she could not feel his eyes watching the nimble movements her hands made as she knit or chopped things for meals. She had no inkling of the way Jayne watched her like a new species of animal. But she wanted him to pay her attention in such a subtle way she was barely aware of it. She didn't seek attention lewdly, even if she wanted to she didn't know how, but for some reason she wanted him to be near to her. River caught a heart flutter and an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Allie handed her a plate and sat down on the floor next to River's chair.

'It's good stuff, even preserved,' she assured the brunette who was sporting a far away look on her face.

'I've no doubt,' River ate mindlessly with her hands while Allie took the controls.

* - German pet name, meaning sparrow

** - German endearment, meaning big bear


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone had insisted Vera take the entire next day cycle off to kick start her recovery. Simon had been attentive with antibiotics and strong chemical painkillers. Inara had made up a passenger dorm for her so Vera would not risk opening her stitches again by climbing down the ladder to her bunk. Allie bought her a book that she was done reading but she found it didn't keep her attention very well. Zoe had come in and sat with her, staving off the boredom of bed rest with a nice long chat over tea. Vera hated feeling like an invalid, being used to shaking off great pain and pretending everything was shiny. She must had been in a bad way for even the mercenary knocked tentatively at her door sometime late in the ship's day cycle. She put down her knitting and told him to come in.

'Don't be shy, Jayne,' she told him, patting the spot her other visitors had sat that day. 'I was about to scream from boredom.'

'I'm not entertaining,' he admitted, opting for the chair in a corner next to the bed. 'Figured you'd be a mite lonesome. I don't think I ever seen you sat down this long.'

'I ain't used to it for true,' she pushed her knitting aside and sat up straighter to look at him. 'Back home I spent most the day outside, if not in the garden then it'd be helping my sister visit patients. We walked everywhere back home. Were too poor to even keep an old mare. So bein ship bound and on bed rest...it's been a real interestin day.'

'It takes gettin used to,' he agreed. 'My pop was a farmer by trade, had alla us boys out in the fields with him from a tender age. Couldn't grow hardly anything on our land. Pop was sold a dud plot, so we had to go to the mines eventually. Ma opened a brothel on the land, she still has bout ten girls that work for her.'

'Why ain't you with your Momma and Daddy,' she asked carefully.

'Weren't safe for them to have me round no more,' Jayne told her. 'I send them money when I can on account of Pop bein too sick and too old to work no more. But Ma, she's still a madam.'

'Oh.'

'Whorin bother you? Nara does it, you know.'

'No, no. Daddy saw whores after Momma passed. They were real nice ladies, always thought I was cute as a bug' s ear. They would let me and Melly play in their dresses sometimes. Melly's my sister, she finished bringin me up.'

'Sorry bout your Ma,' he offered awkwardly. They sat in silence for a while, Jayne trying not to stare at her and Vera trying to shake off the shuddering feeling he was giving her again. 'You feel like tellin me how you got that gouge in your belly since we're doin all this sharin?'

She was shocked. She had told the doctor because he had needed to know. He was a medical professional, and the information was important to her recovery. While she enjoyed the large man's company and suspected she was developing a friendship with him, she wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him.

'Ya don't have to,' he said, brushing it off. 'Was makin conversation.'

'I got in a condition that has plagued women from the beginning of time.'

'Someone must have helped you get in that way.'

'I was put there against my will,' she said through a clenched jaw.

'Hey, hey girl,' Jayne softened, leaning to grab her hand. Vera let him, closing her fingers around his knuckles. His other hand rested on top. He slid in one motion onto the edge of the bed where her other guests had sat that day. She shifted so he could sit next to her, side by side, their backs against the wall adjacent to the bed. They unclasped hands slowly, and he thought he saw her curl her long fingers into the palm, savoring the heat left there. 'Listen, you ain't never been far from home. It's gets easier, I promise. Dong ma?'

'Verstehe,' she answered, hastily wiping her tears with the back of her hand. 'Don't tell the others.'

'Don't tell them I ain't as mean as I look and we got a deal.'

'Deal, grosser bär.'

'Try to rest up, spatzi. I think River's on dinner duty, you'll be a welcome sight at the stove tomorrow.'

'Where did you learn that word, Spatzi?'

'It means sparrow, right,' she could see her observation made him self conscious. 'You sing when you're makin up our meals. I learned it a long time ago and you just kinda...reminded me. Rest up, comm me if you get bored again. I'll bring cards and not pry into your past.'

Jayne Cobb was a crass man. He enjoyed fighting and drinking (usually at the same time), rutting with whores and dishonest ways of coming by money. He was loud and told dirty jokes, belched at the table and didn't wash behind his ears and couldn't do simple sums in his head. He could be mean spirited and a slave to his baser urges. If he was honest, which was rare, he had began to suspect that something in him broke after Miranda. His panic when they landed on the doomed planet was his first clue that something was changing.

He remembered River whimpering out 'make me a stone...' She had kept the secret for him that it was not her thought breaking through, but his. Jayne was used to death, but after losing Book and making it to the dead planet, his head and heart had started eating themselves with grief. Years later, he feared they might still be.

'Lord, make me a stone,' he had silently prayed, clasping the silver saint at his neck with one hand and his treasured gun with the other.

River had stared at him, looking so gorram young with her long hair and doe eyes, and repeated him before falling to her knees and weeping outwardly like he was doing in his head.

After the fight was won, they had been patched up, along with their floating home. The Alliance had lifted the bounty on the siblings, causing Kaylee to fear Simon would return to his home world and the life he lead before he had stumbled into her's.

'We will not go,' River had assured him one night as they lay entangled in her sweaty sheets that smelled like girlskin. They had carried on like that for a while, in the quiet hours of a night cycle when no one was likely to catch them. He had to admit it was nice to have a body in his bed, staving off the nightmares people were sure he didn't have.

'We can't do this anymore' she had told him a year later, kissing his cheek and giving him a sad look. He accepted it for what it was, two people in the Black helping each other stay sane. They had not so much as touched outside of combat since then.

'You are no longer a bad man, Jayne Cobb, but you are far from a good one,' she had told him weeks after they had ended their affair and he found his thoughts lingering on the freshly exposed skin of her scalp. He always preferred women with long hair. River had gone and cut hers.

Since then he had sought the company of local women when they were earthbound, and sometimes he treated them right. He took to properly trying to court a decent woman who owned a shop on Persephone since they were always stopping off there. She had stopped him shortly before he was going to ask her to stay with him, permanent like, stating that she could not leave what she had built for herself and he had angrily protested that neither could he.

There had been a flirtation with a friend's younger sister who had grown up to look mighty fine when they stopped on Beylix to pickup a job from his Ma, but it lasted the three days they were dirtside and he felt no imperative to contact her again.

His thoughts stilled on Vera's long red hair, that she kept up in two braids and wrapped around her head like a crown. He imagined her shaking it out at night, and the herbal smell that emanated from her would be that much stronger. He wondered if her whole bunk smelled like that.

Jayne had left his shower until late one night, and as he had started to lather himself up with the black soap his Aunt Joanie made twice a year on her ancient stove back on the homestead when he heard the door open. The soft humming and almost imperceptible footfalls were as unique to their new crew as a fingerprint. He stilled as he heard the soft drop of cotton on tile and the whoosh of running water. Vera had started to sing something in German, Jayne was not good with languages outside of the dirty words he knew in Mandarin and some choice Punjabi, the cruel consanants his cousins had whispered and the one sweet word Lena taught him all those years ago. As she continued to sing he could almost hear the soap glide over what he was sure was smooth, milky skin - he could imagine his hand there, gently cupping her pleasantly sized, high breasts and kissing the pulse point on her neck that he had spied during all the dinners he had sat next to her for. He placed her sweet high voice in his ear, pretending it was her overcome with pleasure and slipping into her native language. Before he knew it he was taking himself in hand, lathering with black soap and administering the carefully calculated ministrations he knew would bring him to climax. After he was done all he was left with was a longing unsatisfied and a bloody tongue. He had thought about the women on the ship before: Inara was a bit fussy for his taste, all done up in geisha colours that made her look surreal. Sometimes being in the middle of a River and Allie sandwich was a fantasy he indulged, and he still appreciated the earthy mechanic's undeniable magnetism, letting his mind wander to what he would have done to her if she had chosen him and not the doc. He didn't dare think about Zoe like that anymore, only because he was afraid that even in his fantasy she would rip his dick off. Thinking about Vera did something to him, tearing at something deep inside wherever people kept their feelings, and left him feeling like a dirty old man once the endorphins wore off.

That left him standing in the hallway outside of her temporary room. He had known her a bit over a week, and she had him completely obsessed.

'She's not a witch,' River's voice crept up behind him, her hot breath against his neck.

'Then how-'

'She is strong and smart. Determined and kind,' River answered his unvoiced question. 'She is brave in a way that does not shoot first, that does not administer the killing blow. That's how. Last person you met like that is dead now. Let me through, I want to visit.' River had returned to her bratty girl/woman self and he stepped aside to let her pass, their bodies brushing against each other.

Vera smiled at the girl who bounded into the room and sat on the bed, bouncing the thin mattress.

'What was that all about,' Vera asked brightly, having noticed the delay at her door.

'Confusion and aggression reign supreme on stretches of a week or more. Our big bear is more susceptible to it than the others with the introduction of an object he desires.'

'Oh?'

'Mal told us our take away from the last job, Jayne thinks we should have gotten more.'

'Is this because of me?'

'Yes.'

'Oh,' she repeated, saddened. She thought she was making a friend in the large man after his visit to her bunk. She could sense a change in him after her injury burst and they were both plain spoken, which she thought was causing them to bond. She had been warned by Inara that he was spiky and unpleasant at times. Mal and Zoe seemed to tolerate him because he was good at his job and Simon simply because Mal had told him to. The only person who seemed to truly befriend him was Kaylee but Vera was sure that Kaylee could be friends with a post. She was just happy to have people to be nice to it seemed.

'We used to sleep together,' River blurted out, picking up a length of Ribbon from Vera's bedside table. It was embroidered with brightly colored flowers. 'He is not a bad lover, very giving. Well endowed and you can curl up on his chest when you're done. It did not last, brother was growing suspicious and I found my affections placed on a more worthy subject.'

'Umm...'

'You were asking,' River tapped the redhead's temple gently, 'up there. You were wondering what I was to him. You're very intuitive which poses a few questions. I know your thoughts, well everyone's really.'

'That must be difficult.' Vera had heard stranger things in her life. Oma was always on about seeing the dead and Vera figured hearing the living was far less frightening.

'Nothing is difficult for me. I am a genius. Just a bit broken. Like you. Like Inara and Zoe. Even Mal and Kaylee. We are a ship of broken people, trying to put each other's pieces back together. We can help you as much as you can help us.' In a rare show of affection, River hugged her. She was not as free with her open arms as Kaylee, Inara and Mal were.

They spent the rest of an hour playing with a cat's cradle River had rigged with a few ribbons Vera used for her hair normally.

'What about your brother and Jayne then,' Vera asked finally as River got up to leave. 'How are they broken?'

'Simon sacrificed a comfortable life in a job he loved and the promise of a pretty wife for me. Because I was such a bother,' River said sadly. 'And you stir ghosts in Jayne. I can't say anymore. He would bellow.'

'I understand,' she looked at the girl tenderly, 'you gotta remember to save a bit of space up there for yourself and your feelings.'


	9. Chapter 9

It'll be fun,' Kaylee insisted brightly, hands resting on her narrow hips. Vera was amused at how serious she could get despite her grease smeared face. 'Menfolk are goin' out, we should be entitled to a night out too.'

'I only ever used to go the the little bierpalast with daddy when they had dancing. I aint never been out unchaperoned.'

'What,' Kaylee asked in disbelief, 'what about with your sister?'

'He always was there, not hoverin over us or nothin. Just in the corner or back makin sure we weren't like to get carried off.' Vera stopped for a moment and suppressed a flashback of Cillian finding ways around her father. She held her rapidly healing wound at the thought.

'Simon says you're practically healed up! It'll be fine and I heard there's lotsa dancin at this place on account of a good harvest. Inara is coming too.'

'The ship-'

'Allie and River are pulling watch. Riv weren't never one for going out much. Likes to keep herself to herself,' Kaylee explained, shoving herself back under the unmoving engine.

Vera couldn't help but think of her visit with the younger girl in her temporary room and all that had been revealed to her. She may keep to herself but she knew things that Vera was sure she wanted to stay hidden. Nine weeks had passed since their conversation and River had not mentioned it, she remembered with relief. Two months made a difference,it seemed. Inara and Kaylee had enveloped her in their sisterly love, Mal and Zoe had bestowed the name 'meimei' to her as the did with the mechanic. It seemed the highest accolade one could receive on the ship: a protected status within the ragtag family. Simon had been unable to obtain painkillers at their last stop and had sheepishly asked Vera if there was any tonic of willow bark in her bag of tricks. Of course there had been, she handed over her stash willingly and after he had tested it, he regarded her respectfully. She doubted anyone had forgotten the night she collapsed and came under the doctor's care via Jayne's arms, but they had stopped treating her delicately. She was privy to the good and bad of their dealings now.

The bar was crowded and smelled like skunky beer. Jayne sat in the corner with his back to the wall out of habit. Mal was slamming down drinks like it was his business, occasionally stopping to point a wobbly finger at him and Simon then promptly forget what he was going to say. Music assaulted their ears, the sharp twang of a banjo in dire need of tuning cutting through the din of conversation. Jayne caught Simon mesmerised by the swirling skirts of some women dancing in a circle in front of the poor excuse of a band. Off to the side one man punched another and Jayne kept one hand on his gun as he drained his drink.

Zoe sat down hard next to him and helped herself to a drink poured from the bottle he had bought.

'Not dancin Zoe,' he teased. She shot him a wry look, her eyes rolled so far up he thought they might go back into her head.

'Watch me go,' she grinned, the colour rising on her cheeks from the strong alcohol. Mal reached for the bottle that sat in the middle of the table now. Zoe quickly shoved a glass of water at him and he in his inebriated state drank it with relish.

'Vera's up there dancin,' she teased him back. 'Maybe go cut in before some other guy comes to his senses.' Zoe had watched from the sidelines during the journey out to this dusty little moon. She had noticed the attention he was lavishing on the young cook, in his own way. The way he had helped her get around while she was healing and how much time he spent in the galley, silently keeping vigil over her preparations while the bored expression on his face would have never betrayed how out of character it was for him to anyone who didn't know him like they did.

Jayne's eyes followed Zoe's languid hand that was motioning toward where Kaylee, Inara and Vera were taking in turns spinning each other. He knew women dressed carefully when they went out, they had some kind of alchemy to perform with the length of their skirts or the cut of their tops, the paint they smeared around their eyes and on their lips. It was obvious in the way he had seen his Ma's whores do themselves up on client nights, in the way Inara was always turned out so elaborately, even Kaylee had her baubles she wore to attract attention to her dainty ears and slender neck. Vera looked as she always did: worn cotton dress that had been repaired and let out a number of times over the years, she wore an apron over the full skirt, tied in the center front, he had noticed she owned no trousers or if she did she didn't wear them. She hadn't let her hair from the two eternal braids that formed a crown around her head. He didn't even know how long it would be if she did, but the length must have been considerable. She stopped her spinning and faced him, her eyes catching his from across the bar through the throng of half drunk merry makers. She bounced slightly and gave him a wide bright smile, revealing her perfectly white teeth. A few strands of hair had escaped their crown and were brushing her cheeks, a pleasant flush across them made her look healthy and he got a glimpse of the girl she must have been back home. No paint was needed on her face,with its wide green eyes and pillowy lips. She shyly crooked her finger to motion him over, he shook his head no slightly. Smiling he waved back to the women behind her, imploring her to return to her revelry. It was then he was lost- she pressed her palms together and made a pleading motion, her pale eyebrows crinkling upward and her knees slightly bent.

'What is he doing,' Inara asked quizically, touching Vera's shoulder lightly and panting ever so slightly.

'He's comin over,' Kaylee steadied herself on the Companion.

'I asked him to dance,' Vera answered as the big man stopped in front of her so they were toe-to-toe.

'Jayne don't dance,' Kaylee voiced, somewhere between a statement and a question.

'No one ever asked,' he smiled down at the redhead.

'I'm askin,' Vera held out her hand, 'care to dance Mr. Cobb?

Without waiting for an answer she fit her small hand into his and placed his arm around her waist. She bounced once, twice, three times to count out the beats and let Jayne lead them away across the beer splattered floor, leaving the two women perplexed.

'I don't get it,' Inara told Kaylee, who was wearing a familiar dreamy look on her face.

'It's sweet,' she sighed, twisting a honey coloured lock of hair around her finger. 'Come on let's get a drink.'

'I think you finally made Kaylee speechless,' Jayne told his partner as they turned.

'Why,' Vera asked, the picture of innocence. 'I wasn't bout to let the night go by without gettin you up to dance.'

'Why is that, spatzi?'

'Kaylee has Inara, they're about as best of friends as you can get. Mal has Zoe, they trust each other implicitly, River has Simon and Allie who look over her, and I- I...have you. We're friends, right?'

'Course,' he pulled her close as the music slowed, keeping pace with the change in tempo. He watched her face change from calm to alarmed as their bodies pressed against each other and she extricated herself from his grip.

'River said that cos I was here, you were getting less of a share it made you mad.'

'I wasn't mad at you. We got screwed on the job we finished when we took you on. I was mad bout the credits, true. Not at you,' he stepped closer and lifted her wayward strands off her face. 'Never at you.'

'You drunk,' she asked, closing her eyes as his fingers brushed her face.

'No,' he answered softly, his voice getting caught in his throat. He watched her tongue dart out to wet her lips. 'You?'

'No,' she shook her head and placed her hand on his forearm. 'I can stand to be though.'

He smiled, trying to break the tension, 'let's take care of that,' he lead her over to the bar and picked her up to sit at one of the high stools. She let out a painfully girlish giggle. 'What you havin?' He picked up the drink the bartender slid to him.

'Same as you,' she motioned to the glass in his hand.

'You don't want that, it's strong.'

'So am I,' she plucked the wide mouthed glass from his grip and poured the amber liquid down her throat in one. He was impressed when she did not choke. 'I am a good girl, true. But it gets dark very early on Agustine and there isn't much to do besides sit around and drink in Midwinter.'

'Sounds like a challenge,' Jayne took his own drink and followed suit.

'I'm not stupid, in spite of all you may think of me, Grosser Bär,' she joked.

'I think yer a great many things, Spatzi. Stupid definitely aint one of em.'

'Seems your tongue is plenty loose for a not-drunk-guy,' she started to laugh, leaning the stool back on two legs. She grabbed for the bar before it tipped over.

'Din't say what I thought ya were,' he grinned and fished the stub of a cigar he had been nursing out of his shirt pocket. He lit it, puffing thoughtfully. 'Could think yer gross, but clever.'

She watched him curiously for a few minutes. His bliss at the acrid smelling smoke and cheap liquor, a foot subtly tapping in time to the music he had done nothing but complain about since they'd started dancing, a subconscious smile as he waved Mal and Simon over.

'Drinks,' he gave the two men glasses that matched his. In their company he was safe, he thought. She wouldn't stand too close and he wouldn't sneak hungry glances at her chest, which was displayed for anyone taller than her to see. It peaked over the ruffle of her white blouse and heaved as they had danced. As long as they were there he was safe.

Back on the ship River hovered over Allie, panting at the exertion their lovemaking had taken.

'Show me again,' Allie begged, breathlessly as she kissed River's neck.

'She would first kiss here,' she bent to place a long lick against Allie's sweat slicked stomach, just above the white tuft of hair that always brought River such pleasure. She moved up her lover's body, nuzzling her nose up just under the pale jaw. 'Then...'

As her hand found what it sought, Allie sighed and gave into the feeling for the third time that night.

Sometimes people projected fear, sadness, joy- all came in equal amounts when they were earthbound. The emotions were strong enough that little tastes would infiltrate her mind and she was overcome briefly. Other times, there was lust, longing, visceral reactions to proximity of hands or the wrong way a fabric shifted over your anatomy. It was those times that Allie gladly bore the brunt of the way emotions affected River.

'Do you know who it was,' she asked later as they stood in the galley, both in nothing but underwear and oversized shirts.

'Too far away, but the feeling was strong enough,' River replied, licking a bit of jam off her thumb.

'Think it was someone we know,' Allie asked, secretly thrilled with the idea. Not so secretly, for River gave her a salacious smile and tilted her head.

'It was new, and scary. So more than likely no, sunshine.'

'I could go with something, fun,' Allie leaned to rest her forearms on the brunette's shoulders and kissed her nose lightly, 'and familiar. Something I know we both enjoy.'

'There is nothing I love more than consistency,' she answered, laying Allie back on the long kitchen table in the middle of the room as she kissed her deeply. They both still tasted like tomato jam, chilli flakes stuck to their teeth. River noted that Vera's food had started to create a fire in their bellies and no longer brought on maudlin reflection. Allie pressed her fire into River's and they both caught, burning hotter than before.

Vera was getting uncomfortably warm, sitting in the stuffy bar flanked on either side by two large men who had been drinking all night. She leaned her elbows on the bar, letting her hands cradle her head.

'Too much,' Mal asked, laughing from one side of her and giving her shoulder a squeeze.

'Hot,' she shouted over the music, 'it's so hot in here. I need some air!' She slid off the stool, steadying herself by Jayne's belt loop when her toes reached the ground.

'You off Spatzi,' he asked, curling his hand over hers and looking down on her with a drunk smile.

'I'm not beaten so easily,' she gave him a grin back, 'I'm just really hot. Going outside for some air. Save my seat!' She let her hand linger as the rest of her body started to walk away, her fingers finally leaving the worn denim and hard leather anchor they had been slipped into.

The night was clear, if hot and still. She leaned against the side of the building and looked up into the night sky with its unfamiliar constellations and five moons, all spinning so fast the craters and clouds blurred. Her eyes started to spill over as she thought of the nights she and Melly had taken the big blanket off the couch and lay it outside next to the kitchen garden, looking up at the stars as her sister told her stories about immortal lovers, living safe up in the sky. Her sister's graceful hands shaped the air as she told of the girl that the gods loved so dearly that they made her a dove so that she could never be spoiled by men, or the unbreakable red string that joined lovers no matter how far apart they were.

'Hey,' she heard a voice next to her, 'you okay?'

'I don't know the stars here,' she said sadly, not looking at her companion but feeling the familiar body heat and smelling his aftershave.

'I do,' he assured her gentler than she thought he was capable of. 'Look at the bright one next to the purple moon,' he guided her head over to their left. 'That's Maia. The bright one is her head and the four under are her body. She was a black eyed goddess that was so beautiful she made primitive space dwellers leave their ships without their suits, luring them to death.'

'How do you know that,' she asked, looking first down at where his hand rested on her shoulder then up to his face: all square jaw and light eyes in tanned skin. His black beard had started to come in a bit fuller to hide a scar that now bisected his cheek. Their last job had involved firefight and he had been deeply grazed. She didn't take him to be vain, but he was hiding it in the best way that he probably could without drawing attention to the fact he was trying to hide it.

'My older brother, he took to book learning the best of us. He was the one that got sent to school, then one of the specialised academies. He used to read to us when we was all takin lunch or before bed.' He took a swig from the bottle he was holding by the tiny jug handle. 'These are my stars, I know em well,' he handed her the jug. She lifted it with two hands to drink.

'Is this home to you,' Vera asked,trying not to cough on the strong burning alcohol.

'It used to be.'

A few hours later, Vera walked into the galley to find River and Allie curled up on the table, wrapped around each other. She gently shook Allie to wake them.

'We liked your jam,' she smiled up at Vera, who then saw the empty jar with two long soons sticking out of it.

'You both ate an entire jar of chutney,' she was amused, if a bit peeved that they had eaten the whole thing. She had bartered two pairs of fine wool stockings for all those tomatoes.

'It started a fire in our hearts,' River said as they got up and made their way past her.

'No good? Gave yall heartburn,' she thought that was what they got for eating the whole thing.

'No...ignited it. Set our hearts ablaze. You're forgetting your troubles and your food is reflecting that. He was right,' River paused to trace a tendon on the cook's neck, 'you are a witch.' With that they were gone.

Her head still swam with the heat and alcohol, and her neck had a crick in it from the hour she spent sat on the ground and staring at the stars. She got a bottle of filtered water from the cupboard and went to lock it back up before thinking better of it. She grabbed another and made her way to her bunk.

She looked over to Jayne's to find his hatch open. Before she knew what she was doing she found herself climbing down into it, a bottle of water clenched in one hand. He was shirtless,washing his face in the sink and looked at her through the mirror.

'What are you doing,' he asked, turning to face her.

'I, uh...' she held the bottle of water out to him, unable to take her eyes off of the way his muscles were outlined, perfect as an artist's reference. She felt the blush rise up on her cheeks again as he took the bottle, placing it down on his bedside table. 'I'm sorry,' she turned to go when he stopped her, softly holding her in place by her waist.

'Like what you see,' he asked, his voice heavy. She was up the ladder in a flash, and once out in the corridor leaned against the wall. The cool metal felt good on her skin, which felt like it was burning.

Back in her bunk she undressed, slipping a cotton nightdress over her head and unpinning her braids from her head. Her breath was still coming out in great gulps as she sat on the edge of her bed, trying to erase the vision of him shirtless, and so close. His hands on her waist had not felt angry or demanding like Cillian's had. They were a bit pleading, she thought. Maybe even sad. She knew the big man to be quiet and solemn, but not in the way Zoe was. Zoe's quiet was regal, dignified with an underlying sense of humor and loyalty. Jayne's quiet felt different to her. As if in it were hanging a conversation he didn't know how to have.


	10. Chapter 10

Cillian Vaughan was a man who was used to getting what he wanted. If that certain something would not submit, he had ways of dealing with it.

His first wife had been a pretty young thing, all red hair and blue eyes like the endless expanse of sky his top of the line screens projected onto the large ceiling of his domed gardens. It was true what they had said about redheads: oversexed, vibrant, wily and obstinate. Their first year together was bliss, them hardly leaving the house, making love on every surface. They were both aware as to why they had married each other. He, because she was young, brilliant, and beautiful and someone of his status had a taste for exceptional things. Her, it was to raise herself from poverty. He had made some false promises about raising her family up as well, getting them off the garbage dump they called home. In the throws of passion he may have promised that her mother could come live with them.

When she had figured out his promises were empty and often held over her head to control her, she had started to act out. The final straw was when one of her cousins: a big, oafish man with a square jaw and insipid blue eyes just like hers had come to collect her.

'You are my wife,' he shouted into her face, spittle flecking onto her cheeks. 'You belong to me!'

'I don't belong to anyone,' she had countered. When he smacked her hard across the face and all she had done was look at him with disgust as she spat blood onto the white carpet.

'We had a deal,' he stormed off to the wardrobe to get his gun. It was old but shot true. It would only take one.

'I kept up my end,' she said angrily from the doorway, 'time for my due...husband.'

She had spun to face him one last time and that was when he shot her in the center of her forehead. She fell silently onto the plush carpet, her large relation standing there ready to brandish one of the many weapons he no doubt had on him. He stopped when Cillian picked her up by the scruff of her neck all but tossed his erstwhile wife at her cousin.

'She's all yours now, backbirth,' he told the man who dropped to his knees, bloodying himself as he cradled her lifeless body.

'Lena,' the man stifled sobs, rocking back and forth. 'Spatzi. Lena, meine Geliebte.'

When things didn't go his way, he eliminated the obstacle.

So when he met Hans Gotterhaus who farmed a particular tract of land he wanted to develop he was determined to eliminate that obstacle as well. That was until he was hit on the back of the head by an acorn, shot at him via slingshot. He looked up into the branches of the ancient oak that shaded one side of the house to see a familiar, bewitching visage who could have been his former wife in childhood. Perhaps there was something to be said for a barter system.

Orange haired but green eyed with freckles and straight white teeth. Hans' youngest daughter Veronica became an unknowing safegaurd to her family's land holding. She was, however unwillingly, exchanging one good for another. When she became a marriageable age, he arranged a marriage to her and shortly after she disappeared. He scanned the open feeds, unsecured WAVEs and any wanted bulletins he could find. Nothing came up as anyone who even remotely resembled her. An open security cam feed caught his eye. A girl in a green dress was picking blackberries on what appeared to be private land. BINGO.

He was not one to do things by halves; if he didn't have her no one would.

Jayne left the ship, dead of night was still cloying and hot. He had to think, walk. He'd walk miles and miles if it would ease his mind. He had scared her. He was big and clumsy, and in true bull fashion had rushed at her, just wanting her goodness to come off on him a bit. He remembered Lena then, their shoulders pressed together in church as they shared the Hymnal or giving her a leg up to pick the highest apples from their best tree. Vera was so different from his feisty, self possessed cousin who was pragmatic to a fault. They had shared a kiss, the night before her wedding when she swore she'd never love any man the as much as she loved Jayne.

'We could run away,' he had suggested, all hopeful youth and unironic idealism.

'And be poor somewhere else,' she asked, 'leaving our devastated family in our wake? We're blood, meine Geliebte.'

'If we go far enough they won't know.'

'We'll know!'

'Does it matter,' he crushed her to his chest and felt her hands creep up under his shirt. 'Did it ever matter?'

She pulled his head down to hers and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, sniffing back tears.

'I will never love anyone as much as I love you. I swear it.'

'If he is ever unkind,' he told her, 'tell me. I'll steal you away.'

He stopped his walking when he came to the edge of his family's property. He could hear loud chattering coming from the brothel, but the main house was dark. The family plot no longer had a fence or gate around it, making the graves easily accessible. He picked his steps out carefully, mindful not to step on the fresh flowers put at a few of the graves. He came to the little clay marker the bore her name.

'Sorry it took me so long to come see you,' he apologised to the little mound that was supposed to signify someone once so full of life.

'I'm all mixed up in my head,' he continued to no one. 'You're the only one who never made me feel like I aint supposed to have thoughts up in there. Well...you're one of three or four. You never said I was stupid and you loved me best of all. There's this new crew, a cook. Well, we made her a cook but she's more than that. She can heal people like Aunt Joanie. She's...nice. She's nice to me, which I aint sure I deserve. Not nice to me like Kaylee is because Kay, well, she's nice to everyone aint she? Vera is...I think she pays me special attention. She makes my chest hurt like...like my heart's comin back to life. She's a redhead too, hah. You always told me yall was a dying breed. I found another...of course I found another.' He sat down to the side of the grave, letting his fingers explore the name carved into it, thinking that she was so much more than a name and date on a cheap slab.

'She's clever,' he let out a huge sigh as he looked up into the rapidly lightning sky. 'She makes me forget, Lena. When she's just there, in the same room as me, I forget I'm a killer; forget what turned me into one. I forget I aint destined to have nice things- not that she's a thing,' he smiled at his memory of her distaste when she heard people talking about the whores like they were commodities. 'I just forget I'm awful. I forget I couldn't save you.'

'Jayne,' asked a familiar voice from the edge of the plot. He looked up, seeing the familiar pale face that looked tired every time she welcomed him home. His lips quirked a smile.

'Hey Ma.'

He was ushered into the low house with a swish of her moth eaten silk dressing gown and a tinkle of tin bracelets. His lone sister, Mattie, was sat at the scarred kitchen table with one of his Ma's girls.

'Look who I found skulking round the graveyard,' Ma addressed the room a bit too loudly. Mattie jumped up and showered his face with kisses, he lifted her into a hug and she giggled with delight.

'Hiya Jayne,' the girl at the table said calmly. It was Aisha, one of his Ma's long stay girls.

'Hey Aisha. Keepin well,' he asked, setting his teenage sister down and taking a seat across from the whore.

'Aisha here is leavin us, baby,' Radiant's tone was a practiced neutral.

'Oh yeah,' he smiled as he took the proffered coffee from his sister. 'Greener pastures?'

'I'm pregnant,' she replied, leveling her gaze at him. Aisha had come to Ma fresh off the wagon from one of those places people who drank too much went when they couldn't live without a bottle to their lips. She had been a pretty little thing no older than 20. That was three years ago.

'Aint mine,' he said quickly.

'No dummy. It's my fiancee's. We're gon go up to the judge at sunrise and get hitched. Just saying goodbye to Miss Mattie and your Momma. He wants to take me to live where he hails. It's green there.'

'Well congrats then, kiddo.' He took a sip of coffee, finding it too hot and too weak. He pitied the man who got stuck with his sister as a wife.

'We'll miss her dearly,' Mattie sat next to the other girl and gave her a sideways hug.

'What were you doin out at the plot Jayne,' his Ma asked, loving and accusing in the same tone.

'You know what I was doin,' he shot back.

'She aint there. She's up in Heaven, her,' Mattie said sagely, nodding her head and folding her hands in front of her.

'Listen Ma, I got a favor to ask.'

'There's always a favor, baby. What is it,' Ma added three spoons of sugar to her coffee.

'There's a girl on Serenity,' he started, 'she aint takin well to the Black.'

'Jayne I can't take anyone on.'

'No, no. Baby Jesus no. She's just real homesick. I was wonderin if I could bring her round for dinner later.'

'You want to bring someone to Sunday dinner,' his sister asked excitedly.

'Calm yer knickers. She's our new crew and it aint like that.'

'Bring her, then and let me be the judge of that,' his Ma smiled as she lead him out. '17:30, don't be late.'

He came back to find the hold empty. Inara wasn't swinging her legs from the catwalk, Mal and Simon weren't engaged in some odd game with funny shaped pieces that took too much strategy for him to comprehend. Kaylee and River weren't spinning almost manically. The normal sights he had become accustom to were nowhere to be seen on this morning.

He found everyone in the galley, sat down to a breakfast of mile high piles of pancakes and fresh fruit.

'Hey you lousy stay out,' Kaylee greeted him cheerily.

'Hey yourself,' he said back, eyeing the spread on the table. 'I thought Vera was off on Sundays.'

'I couldn't sleep,' she confessed from where she was hidden, her head in a cupboard searching for something. When she stood, her smile betrayed nothing of last night. 'I thought to make myself useful. There's a big bramble patch-'

'Half a mile from here,' he finished her sentence.

'I told her not to bother but who can say no to that face,' Mal joked, the fresh food had improved his mood greatly. Over the months she had been with them he threatened to fire everyone less, and he was nicer to Inara. Vera smiled at the Captain, and placed a jar of butter in the centre of the table. Simon reached for it first, and helped himself to a large knob of it to top his pancakes. Zoe took it next, doing the same. Her eyes closed in ecstasy as she took a bite.

'Sit,' Vera said to him, placing a plate in front of his chair. 'Think of it as a peace offering,' she whispered over him.' Her fingers lingered at his shoulder.

'I need to talk to you after breakfast,' as soon as he reached for them they were gone.

She busied herself as the rest of the crew ate, opting not to take the chair next to Jayne but preserve the rest of the berries she had picked. She couldn't imagine her luck when she stumbled upon the large bramble with its heavy black as night fruit just begging to be picked.

Three large jars of bramble jam later the crew had departed, leaving the kitchen in absolute shambles.

Inara lay on the chaise in her shuttle, lazily scrolling through potential clients and finding none stuck her fancy. It was getting harder and harder to be a working woman on this boat when the object of her long laid affections was being, well, affectionate. She wiped the side of her mouth, mortified to find a bit of berry had been stuck to her lip. She inhaled sharply as she bit on the soft flesh, tart and sweet and a bit sinful in its rich colour; she had loved them when she was younger. It reminded her of a time when she believed in true love, a time before the Companion house had convinced her of otherwise. She threw her panel softly onto the bed and decided to seek out Vera, feeling the need to ask her about her specific skill. Maybe she could help Inara gain something she had lost.

'They left you holding the bag again,' Inara observed from the door to the galley.

'Oh no mind,' the younger girl answered, scrubbing the countertops.

'Let me help,' Inara grabbed a rag and looked around for some gloves.

'Oh no. No no no,' Vera chided. 'You'll get your fine clothes all grimy. I've got it. If you insist, you can put those there clean dishes away.'

'Fantastic,' she set to work putting the cupboard to rights. After a while of working in silence the older woman finally asked: 'How do you do that?'

'Bit of soap, some vinegar to cut grease-'

'No. The food, how do you make it so...affective.'

'I don't do nothin really. Just fresh as I can get ingredients and good wholesome food. Maybe it's just giving you what you need for the first time in a real long time. There are different types of comforting, as I'm sure you well know. It's like some of my sister's patients. Sometimes all they needed was a cup of tea and someone to jaw at for an hour a week.' Inara shook her head and let out a soft laugh.

'Oh meimei,' she kissed the girl on the forehead. 'Of course. What about the others?'

'I had a bit of a talk with Riv a couple of months back. I reckon the food is nourishing more than your bodies, if you don't mind my sayin. Listen, I'm a backwoods healer, I aint never been to school; I aint a fancy doctor like Simon is. I just like to help people.'

There was a cough from the doorway, the two women looked up from their intense conversation to see Jayne standing there, his hands in his pockets. Inara caught his gaze and slowly backed out the opposite door, knowing that look on any man.

'You needed a chat,' Vera asked, trying to keep her tone light and friendly.

'Yeah,' he scratched the back of his neck with one hand, not knowing how to begin. There was a long pause, them standing about six feet apart in silence. An entire conversation hung thick between them.

'I'm sorry I ran off-'

'I was drunk-'

'It was rude of me to come down-'

'I shouldnta put my hands on ya-'

They were talking over each other, Vera waving her rag around as she spoke and Jayne holding his hands up as if he was at gun point.

'Okay,' he sliced the air with his hand, 'we're both screw ups. You know I told you this used to be home?'

'Oh,' she started, 'yes. You told me about Maia.' He could swear she was smiling a bit.

'My Ma does Sunday dinner,' he went on to explain. 'I remember you said your sister used to cook it for yall back home. Thought being with a family would...I don't know. Thought you might like it.'

'I wouldn't want to impose,' she deferred.

'You're not. I want you there,' he blurted out, his eyes widened once he realised what has flew out of his mouth. She gave him a little grin and nodded her head slightly.

'Okay then. I would love to.'

Kaylee was resting in the hammock she kept in the engine room. She slept there less and less since Simon moved his things into her bunk. She had come back from a job one day and found the sign she had so meticulously painted had been amended. Her name, big and pink, floating amongst flowers and under, in a dark precise calligraphy: SIMON had been added. She climbed down, both puzzled and elated to find the bed moved and another bedside table gracing the vacant side. His fastidiously kept belongings were neatly arranged on it and starched shirts took up half the clothing storage she had been allotted. Her pink dress hung over the bed like a canopy. As she dozed in the hammock, she thought of a gem the colour of blackberries embedded in silver would sit just pretty on her left ring finger. Simon had gone out to refill his inventory so it gave her time to laze around and do her third favourite thing in the 'verse, daydream. Kaylee sighed as she inspected her nails. They were kept very short and more often than not they had grease caked underneath them. She decided to knock on Inara's shuttle to see if she could wash them up with some of her sandalwood soap. Maybe she would paint them. It seemed very important they look good today.

Inara answered Kaylee's knocks by just shouting 'come in!' In response. Kaylee opened the door to find Inara rummaging in her wardrobe and Vera sitting on a zafu, protesting in her sing song voice.

'It's really nothing, I have plenty a things that aren't worn out yet,' the redhead told the Companion's backside. 'Hello Kaylee!'

'Hey meimei, what's goin on, Nara,' she asked trying to peer past her friend to see what she was looking for.

'I came to ask her for a brush,' Vera explained, 'mine snapped when I tried to get it through my hair. Now she wants to dress me.'

Inara turned around, brandshing an armful of brightly coloured dresses with a flourish. She plopped them down on the bed with a huff and turned to Kaylee, barely composed from her exertion.

'She's meeting Jayne's mother,' Inara explained, so breathless Kaylee thought her friend was going to swoon.

'What,' the mechanic asked, not sure she heard correctly.

'Jayne asked if I'd like to tag along, that's all,' Vera tried to hide her discomfort at the big deal Inara was making. 'I might have mentioned I was homesick.'

'And he thought-'

'He thought,' Inara emphasized to her, grabbing Kaylee's shoulders. 'He thought!'

'Course he did,' Kaylee said laughing. 'He aint stupid.'

'He thought of her,' Inara said as if no one in the room understood.

'I'm still not entirely sure what the big deal is,' Vera tried to appeal to Kaylee, motioning to Inara who was now holding various fabrics up to the cook's face and trying to find the colour that struck a harmony with her complexion.

'Oh Nara! Yer makin such a fuss,' Kaylee giggled, filling the glamourous enamel bowl Inara used to wash herself with warm water.

'These are fine dresses, jie jie,' Vera started apologetically, 'but I like my dirndls fine if it's all the same.'

'Radiant is very particular,' Kaylee said, taking a scrub brush from the vanity plate and swishing it around in the water. 'She still calls me greaseface. That was five years ago! And I was fixin her hot water heater!'

'Why would his mother care what I wear?'

'You're eating at their table. Sunday dinner is kin only,' Kaylee explained, lathering her hands up with the fragrant soap. 'At least where I'm from. Which aint much different from here truth be told.'

'Should we paint your lips,' Inara asked, looking through her pots of paint.

'No,' Vera put her foot down. 'I don't paint my lips. I'm not fancy like you. I'll look completely strange in these things.'

'At the very least wear all this magnificent ginger hair differently,' Inara practically clucked as she reached to unpin the braids looped around the cook' s head.

'Ginger is yellow,' Vera knew the Companion didn't cook but she had plenty of ginger root in her tea chest.

'Oh no. It's what we call ladies with your colouring: red hair and light eyes with freckles.'

'Ginger,' she tested it out and tried to picture herself. She allowed Inara to undo her braids and pin two thin pieces away from her face, it looked like her hair was being held up and falling down all at once. She stared at her reflection for a few minutes, pulling her hair in front of her shoulders, shocked to find it nearly pooled in her lap.

'I wish my hair would grow so long,' Kaylee reached out with her heady but clean hands to stroke it. Inara smiled, very pleased with her work.


	11. Chapter 11

He still hadn't spoken a word to her. He found her waiting in the cargo bay looking a lot different than he expected for a Sunday dinner round his Ma's. All her glorious hair was flowing down her back, stopping just before it reached her knees and she was in some dress he had never seen her wear. It was better fitted than her others, showing no signs of mending or letting out and was adorned with little flowers printed all over it. Jayne wasn't entirely sure it looked like her. Vera smiled and asked if they should go, her melodic voice breaking into his thoughts that were stilled on the way her hair swung as she walked over to him.

They walked together, side by side through the dusty streets and waist high dry grass of the barren fields that traversed the settlement. All Jayne could do was stare at her as she gently swung the wicker basket she had to hand containing a dozen blackberry turnovers she had whipped up as what she called a 'hostess offering'.

'Are you gon say something,' she turned and looked up at him nervously. 'You just been starin at me. It's downright unsettling.'

'You didn't hafta get gussied up for my people,' was all he said, his hands balled at his side to keep from sweeping through the fan of flaming hair that was lifted on the breeze.

'I didn't,' she shrugged, trying to tame the runaway locks by bunching them together and pulling them over one shoulder. 'Inara got carried away playing with my hair and this dress was my sister's visiting dress. It's a hand me down.'

She picked a burr off the dark blue skirt with its red trim and belt. He noted that when the hem shifted he could not see the familiar ruffle of the cotton petticoats she always wore. Her wool stockings were also absent, leaving her freckled legs bare save a pair of flat shoes that looked much like the special slippers River wore when she danced without the funny boxed toes.

'You look nice,' he offered awkwardly, feeling like the words were more tumbling from his mouth than anything.

'So do you,' she said with a bit more confidence than him, smiling up at him and squinting into the sun. He turned in the direction of her gaze and pointed to the two houses in the distance.

'There it is,' he told her, 'how are you at withstanding interrogation?'

'Um, not very good I reckon.'

Jayne gave the brass handle on the side of the door a pull and they both heard the bell inside chime once. Clear and loud, it was no match for the yelling inside that was herald to their arrival.

'Momma,' the dark haired teen shouted into the back of the house as she opened the heavy door, 'Jayne and his friend are here!'

Vera stood in the entranceway meekly, clutching her basket with the same white knuckled hands she had kneaded her suitcase with months ago. A tall, well built woman swept into the hall, a waft of savoury smells coming with her as she wiped her gnarled hands in a fine cotton apron. Her black hair was fussily fluffed up into a bouffant that rivaled anything Vera had seen. Her steely eyes were rimmed heavily in kohl like Inara wore but less careful applied. When she smiled her painted lips stretched over her crooked teeth, some of which had been replaced by what looked like gold but was probably some lesser metal. Despite her severe appearance, the older woman gave off a friendly air, welcoming Vera with a boisterous greeting and a kiss on both cheeks.

She then turned her attentions to her son, who was busy fixing the collar of what Vera knew to be his only good shirt. She often saw him wear it when he visited the edges of the towns they stopped in.

'Baby,' the older woman told him, 'you didn't make this little dear make us food didja?'

'No Mrs. Cobb,' Vera interrupted, 'I brought them as an offering. I know Sunday dinner is for kin,' she recalled Kaylee's words in Inara's shuttle. 'I wanted to thank you for allowing me to join you.' The woman's eyes softened to her now as she grabbed the basket, lifting the muslin to peak at the pastries.

'You call me Radiant, little one.' It looked as though she wasn't going to to be spared the critical eye most mothers gave young women who hung around their sons. It may be less intense, but it was directed with laser focus at the way Jayne's hand brushed her back as he lead her into the dining room.

The dinner was loud, everyone trying to talk over one another or conversations being shouted over the heads of others so that they layered on top of each other like a chaotic tapestry of familial love. Mr. Cobb sat at the head of the table, his wife to his left and his only daughter to his right. There were four Cobb boys all together: the eldest looked quite serious in a green school teacher's blazer and small round glasses perched on the tip of his nose, she learned through deduction that his name was a feminine one as well. Ashley was the local attorney, a job his mother was very proud of. The other two brothers had a wife a piece. Leslie and Kelly were twins who had married twins, two identical blonde women with dark eyes whose movements seemed to always be performed in unison. Vera answered questions from them, shocked they also did not talk in echo. She wondered if the four of them all lived in the same house. She and Melly had decided that if they were ever to marry that they would all live together. She felt her eyes start to burn a tell tale sensation that meant tears, she felt a hand on her shoulder. A comforting light touch that when she looked she saw came from Jayne's sister Mattie.

'Jayne says you're a healer,' Mattie said brightly, thickly buttering a slice of springy white bread and taking a big bite. 'Our Aunt Joanie is a healer...well, she's a teacher now. But she said when I turn of age she's gon teach me to be a midwife. I get to go live on Agustine with her!'

'You'll enjoy it,' Vera assured her. 'It's very green. There is so much to learn there!'

When the meal was over, Radiant stood on the porch and waved a goodbye to the two of them. She felt her daughter come up behind her.

'What do ya think, Momma,' she asked, leaning her head on her mother's shoulder.

'I think she don't know her own heart,' Radiant placed a kiss next to her daughter's ear. She watched as the two shapes got smaller and smaller on the horizon. 'When your brother figures out he's still got one in his chest, I just hope he don't scare that poor girl.'

'She looks like Lena,' Mattie observed.

'That's about where it ends, love. Come on inside, help me wash up,' she put her arm around her daughter's shoulder and shepherded her into the house.

'You mother wouldn't stop staring at me,' She told Jayne later as they walked back in the sweltering twilight to the ship.

'Ma's just curious. She doesn't get to meet many of my friends,' he said, stopping to cup his hands around a match as he puffed the old cigar he kept in his pocket to life.

'She's met Kaylee.'

'Yeah because she needed somethin doing,' he offered her the stub of cigar and she declined with a shake of her head. 'I don't bring many people round.'

'Did she meet River?'

'Why would she meet Moonbrain?'

'Well you two-'

'She told you,' Jayne stared at the sky and for a moment she thought she saw his face twist into a grimace. They continued walking toward where the sun had left the sky bereft of her, and was painted the darkest purple it could muster in the light of the many moons. 'Moon- I mean Riv...we were both in a lot of pain. Didja hear about Miranda and what they were doin to the folks there?'

'Only bits and pieces,' she admitted. 'I heard it was awful but I couldn't tell you any sort of details. Daddy hid it from us mostly, deleting it from the news feeds as it came in.'

'We found it. We were the ones who made them fess up. We lost a lot of good people getting that word out. Friends to both of us and...we were grieving somethin fierce. River and me, we made sense at the time. I didn't want to talk about it and with her I didn't have to. She was scared somethin fierce that her parents would find them, marry her off to some Core sissy when she wasn't even sure she liked men. She stuck with me because she knew I'd protect her from that if I had to. The other bits happened naturally I reckon.'

'You'd protect us all though, right,' Vera asked him nervously. 'Even if we weren't-'

'No one's makin you do nothing you don't want while I'm here, Spatzi.'

'Mr. Vaughan,' Inara smiled prettily at the screen, 'I didn't expect you to be in range.'

'I'm in your quadrant on business and saw you were not otherwise engaged. Hard to believe for such a lovely woman,' he leaned on the front of his console. 'I'm glad you accepted my request, it's been too long.'

'What brings you to town,' she asked, fixing her ears with the earrings he had bought her last time they spent the night together.

'I'm protecting some investments,' he said, knowing the Companion was ignorant of the dead farmer stuffed in the closet behind him. He put his feet up on the table in his pilfered living room. 'I wish I could offer more luxuriant accomodations, my dear. I have but a modest farmhouse on the far side of town, half a mile from the spaceport. Let me cook you dinner.'

'I would love that Mr. Vaughan.'

'Inara, please. My name sounds so wonderful coming from your mouth. Use my given name,' he implored, his voice smooth over the rage the brewed inside him. He smiled in his handsome, charming way that seemed to disarm most people. It had worn off on his first wife and it had never worked on Veronica.

'Cillian,' she purred, arching her neck and giving him a wink. 'I'll be there in an hour.'

'Don't keep me waiting, my love.' They dropped the feed and he leaned back in the upholstered chair, looking around the simple but large house. The man who lived there had been aware of the redhead who showed up at first light with a basket of remedies and dried fruits to trade for a basket of berries from his patch. He had told her she was welcome to them, but she would have to pick them herself on account of his workers having Sunday off. The farmer had suspected she was flying out with the crew Cobb was on since they were the only ship in the port besides Cillian's own. What he remembered of the Cobb family had been an aging Madam and her passel of dark haired, overgrown offspring. They stood out in the captures of his first wedding like a blight. The largest son, who ironically was the youngest, had been the tear streaked and bloody one who cradled Lena in the doorway of his manse. He remembered the

Cobbs and if Vera was flying with them, perhaps he could make a visit to them as well. After all, they were family.

'Client,' Mal asked as Inara swept around her shuttle in a flash of brightly coloured silk and a twinkle of gems, 'here?'

'I was as shocked as you are,' she told him, looking at him in the mirror as she painted her lips. 'Late dinner, then I won't be back until tomorrow.'

'Thought we were all gon celebrate Simon getting the balls to ask lil Kaylee to marry him finally.'

'You have no idea how sorry I am to miss it.'

'I'll pay you double what he is.'

'That's not how this works, you know that.'

'I'll miss ya,' he came up behind her as she was slipping her dainty hand into a bracelet and snaked his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her neck.

'I'll be back when you wake up,' she spun in his grip and placed a hand on his cheek, guiding his face to hers. He didn't even mind that she left lipstick on his mouth.

'Oh mein Gott,' Vera exclaimed when Kaylee thrust her newly adorned hand in her face before they were even up the ramp into the ship. The cargo hold was illuminated in the darkness, all soft colours that were more an effect of the old fixtures than anything. Vera couldn't help feeling like it was welcoming her home. Even after entering it probably a hundred times since she came on. Now they would be celebrating something as the slap dash family they were. 'Das Gratulieren!' The two girls hugged hard. River jumped on the both of them, laughing when the three of them fell to the floor.

'She'll be my sister now, true,' River exclaimed with a girlish intensity that sometimes overtook her. 'It's so warm and red. Do you feel it,' she asked Vera breathlessly.

'I do,' she agreed, thinking maybe River was referring to the way Kaylee was feeling.

'We'll have to burn to Harvest,' Zoe pointed out, handing everyone plastic cups of the wine they brewed in the engine, 'if Kaylee wants to have her way.'

'Six weeks is plenty of time to plan a wedding,' she smiled, already half drunk and flushed from the strong brew. 'I WAVEd my Ma already. I expect she'll start sewing at daybreak.' Kaylee wrapped an arm around Simon's waist, giving him a big squeeze that made him spill his drink.

'I can get us there in two if we leave tomorrow,' Allie added.

'Where's Inara,' Vera asked, thinking it strange the Companion wasn't celebrating with them.

'She had to go meet a client,' Mal told her, refilling her cup. 'She'll be back tomorrow.'


	12. Chapter 12

No,' she heard herself scream. 'You're hurting me! Help! HELP! Somebody...someone stop him...stop,' she waxed and waned in her protests, thrashing around in the little bed she shared with Allie and soaking their sheets with tears and sweat. She could smell his tangy cologne mixed with his sour mash breath. He had not been gentle, she had not been willing.

'Babygirl,' the blonde shook her gently, 'you're havin a nightmare.'

'It hurt so bad,' River whimpered as she curled into Allie like an infant. 'It burned and stung and there were thorns inside me. I prayed for vagina dentata, lemon baths did nothing to stop it.'

'What,' Allie felt she spoke fluent Rivertalk but this episode had her completely befuddled.

'The nightmare wasn't mine,' she clarified, looking up with teary red eyes.

'Oh sweetie,' Allie pulled her close to her chest and rocked a bit. 'Do you want meds?'

'Don't ask questions you know the answer to, sunshine. Do the thing.'

Allie pushed herself up to a sitting position, placing River between her splayed legs but facing away from her. With her lover's chest just on her heart she began to stroke down River's nose with her index finger. One sweeping motion starting just between the girl's unplucked eyebrows and extending past the perfectly upturned tip of her nose. She began again, inhaling deeply at the start and controlling her breath into a long even exhale that took the entire trip down her nose. River copied the breathing pattern after a few passes. Eventually they both relaxed in their reclining position.

'Good as new,' she assured the brunette, dropping a kiss to her bare shoulder.

'Never will be,' the other replied,sleepy and sullen.

'You know what I meant. Now that we're up are you hungry bao bei?' She knew River often ate after an episode like this.

'Today is Monday. On Mondays Vera takes dried fruit from storage and makes the flaky cake. She calls it strudel. We should save ourselves up for them. There will be more than one today.'

'If you say so. Try and catch another hour of shut eye,' Allie yawned, sliding down the bed.

* * *

River quietly left the bunk, padding on her bare feet to the galley. She found Vera lighting the oven in her cotton nightdress and hastily braided hair.

'Guten Morgen,' River greeted her. She laughed a bit when Vera gave a start and bumped her head on the overhanging counter. Despite this the cook rose gracefully, rubbing her head.

'Auch dir einen guten Morgen,' Vera said, giving her head another vigorous rub and returning to her work at the table. 'I didn't expect anyone up for a few more hours.'

'You woke me,' she answered, taking a seat at the table and stealing some raisins from the large glass jar. She rolled them around in her hand first, feeling their leathery squishy texture. After an inspection of their deep amber colour she popped one into her mouth and mushed it up against the roof of her mouth with her tongue. It was sweet like cake or dancing or deep kisses. Summers on the coast, big sure hands and steely eyes. She didn't know where those last two came from. Once she swallowed she added, 'you couldn't help it. Stop feeling bad.'

There was a vibration throughout the entire ship then the loud but dull metallic clink of Shuttle 1 docking.

'Inara's back,' the cook said, unwrapping the flaky pastry sheets she had prepared a few days ago.

'Home,' she thought she heard at the very edge of her hearing. Sometimes she heard just a single word like that, in a ghostly voice somewhere deep in her mind, as if she was being corrected. 'Safe', 'Home', 'Strong', 'Trauma', and 'Dream' were the ones she heard most. She looked to River who was now sat, organising the raisins by size and colour all over the table.

Inara floated into the galley, looking a bit bedraggled which was completely out of character for her. Even after the worst of meetings she managed to look pristine, with a smile for everyone no matter how early or late it was.

She silently sat next to River, eyes fixed ahead; empty, dark and glassy. Silent tears fell from them, splashing onto the old wood of the table.

'Nara, jie jie,' Vera asked softly, dusting her floured hands off on her nightgown and walking around the table to stand next to the shaken Companion. 'Meine Liebe. What's wrong?' Inara looked up when Vera's hand landed on her shoulder as if startled. Like she hadn't realised there were others in the room.

'How did I get here,' she asked, coming out of her foggy daze. River got up and ran off with a wild expression on her face.

'You just got in,' Vera said gently, taking the newly vacated seat. 'Are you okay?'

'Hazard of the trade, mei mei.' She composed herself again and smiled, her lipstick had faded and her kohl was smudged down her cheeks. Her smile only lasted a second before she crumpled into the younger girl's lap and started silently crying.

Simon appeared in the doorway, a kit bag in hand and started toward them. Vera put her hand up and he stopped.

'Go get Zoe please,' she whispered over the woman in her lap. 'Your medicine won't help.' Vera looked down sadly at her friend. She knew exactly what had happened, she'd been through it. 'Do. Not. Tell. Mal,' she ordered as the doctor walked away.

A moment later the tall woman was in the galley, still in her nightclothes. If the situation had been different Vera would had been tickled by the brightly coloured shirt and shorts the regal woman wore.

'What can I do,' she asked, the slightest bit of panic touching her voice.

'She's in shock,' Vera explained, 'help me carry her to the shuttle.' Zoe grabbed the Companion under her shoulders and cradled her to her chest like a baby. Inara's arms reached up reflexively and wrapped around Zoe's neck. They passed Jayne in the hallway.

'Keep Mal busy,' Vera ordered him, a bit more unkindly than she had meant to. His eyes widened but he gave her a nod and turned on his heel. River and Allie were just outside the shuttle waiting for them.

'Lavender, pennyroyal, parsely, angelica, Valerian...chamomile,' River was muttering as she bit the skin around her nails. Vera stopped and turned to her.

'Good girl,' she told her. 'The jars are labeled. Can you grab them for me? And my mortar and pestle?'

She entered the shuttle to find Zoe and Kaylee bent over the large bed, swathing the other woman in blankets. Kaylee looked to be holding back tears as she petted her friend's ebony hair.

'She'll be fine,' she assured the two women. 'She needs to be warm, get sleep and after she's calmed down we can have Doctor Simon examine her.'

'Why not get Simon now,' Kaylee asked, almost angrily.

'With what she's been through, a man touching her right now is the last thing she needs.' Kaylee's hand flew to her mouth as she let out a pained moan.

'Oh Nara,' she crooned, laying down next to her friend. 'Oh, Nara you're safe now. Vera's gon fix you right up.' Inara's eyes were fixed on the canopied ceiling, silent tears falling into the hair above her ears.

'It's more than likely the first time this has happened if she's reacting like this,' Vera offered by way of a comfort. 'There doesn't seem to be any blood, she's probably not damaged...physically.'

River came in with an armful of jars, Allie trailing behind her with the stone mortar and pestle. River left quickly, shaking her head.

'Guess it was Nara's nightmare that woke her, huh,' the pilot asked, taking a seat on a cushion. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Try to move up our takeoff time,' Zoe suggested from where she was crouched by the bed. 'We don't need the Captain being done for murder on this moon. Penalty is hanging and I don't trust Mal to much care for his own life once he gets wind of this.' Allie jumped up and left, already muttering coordinates and burn times. Vera noticed that when she was in a rush, her gait took on that of a Hare, with a lollop and longer strides than her little legs would otherwise think possible.

Vera started blending the herbs. Adding the whole flowers of chamomile last. She emptied the contents of the calming blend into the largest teapot she could find among Inara's fine things. Once the water cooled a bit from boiling she added it to the iron pot and left it to brew.

'Either of you happen to know where in her cycle she is,' Vera asked, preparing the pennyroyal.

'Companions are sterilised, little one,' Zoe said.

'Oh.'

'Have experience with sort of thing?'

Vera sat up straight and threw her shoulders back like she'd seen Melly do a thousand times when someone questioned her skills. 'Yes,' she answered with a level gaze and sure hands as they packed up her jars. She got up to replace the jars and added in an authoritative voice: 'Make sure she drinks that whole pot down. Keep her warm as she falls asleep.'

Outside the shuttle she heard the distinct timbre of Jayne's voice and the tenor of Mal when he got upset talking back and forth.

'Who the Hades authorised take off,' she heard him shout.

'Reckon Zoe did, Cap. You said last night you wanted an early burn to Harvest,' Jayne answered from what Vera could hear were grit teeth and clenched jaw. She rounded the corner to hopefully slip by the two men undetected.

'She restin,' her head shot up startled as she had had her eyes to the ground and was trying to sneak by. It was Jayne asking.

'Who,' Mal asked, less indignant.

'Inara came back...erm, fatigued,' she answered, addressing them both. She twisted the apron which held all the jars in her hands in a motion Jayne came to recognise as Vera-not-telling-the-whole-truth-but-trying-not-to-lie.

'If she needed a soother,' Mal raised a finger and waved it in the cook's face, 'that's Simon's place. Not yours,' he started to sound angry again, huffing as he spoke. 'I hired you on as cook, little one. If you can't keep to your duties then we're going to have a problem.'

'Didn't yall hire me cos your health weren't 100 percent,' she asked, jutting her chin out.

'You're the cook,' the Captain shot back again, his face reddening.

'Inara's condition needed something Simon couldn't provide. Now, if you'll pardon me, I need to get back to my duties seeing as I've gone above and beyond the call of my position. Breakfast in an hour. Sir,' she nodded her braided head as she passed Mal closely in the hallway.

When Zoe called him Sir it was, he thought, a sign of respect with the very slight twinge of a pet name. As close to a pet name as Zoe got with him. Kaylee always added it with a giggle in her voice and River purred it with affection like a daughter addressing a Father. The way Vera had spit it at him made something in the back of his neck hurt. It felt like a bee sting on the hanging bit of tissue in your throat, drinking tea before it had cooled, and inhaling smoke from a housefire all at once. It felt like venom.

He thought he might had been too hard on her, but he saw what happened in situations where people forgot their designated position. Chaos turned deadly all too quickly and he would be damned if his family got any smaller than it had. His eyes burned as he walked to the shuttle to check on Inara, noting the absence of soft music and sandalwood perfume. As he got closer the void left by the lack of the essence that he came to associate with the woman he loved was all too profound. He had felt it before when she had left them, him. She had left him one time and threatened to do so a thousand times since then. But once she came back she was back, not only in presence but in her heart and soul. She possessed the hard metal and plastic, turning impersonal technology into something soft, beautiful and sensual. Panic rose in his chest as he knocked on the door, thinking now was not a good time to burst in.

Zoe answered wearing one of Wash's old shirts and boxer shorts that had seen better days.

'She's restin,' Zoe told him, leaning one arm against the doorway to block his view. 'She'll be right as rainfall in a few hours, Sir. She just needs to sleep.'

'We're burnin to Harvest,' he said, trying to keep his clipped speech in check as he tried to gaze past the arm blocking his way.

'I authorised it,' she answered, glancing back to the bed. 'We can arrange work on the way. Ask River to WAVE the Frye homestead, give then an ETA.'

'Who runs this ship Zoe,' he asked, his friendly tone coming back as he saw Inara asleep peacefully on her opulent bed. She stepped out to meet him, looping an arm into his and walking him down the catwalk toward the galley.

'You still do Sir,' she gave him a tiny grin, 'sometimes.'

They sat silently eating the breakfast Vera prepared. River poked it with chopticks and looked to Allie.

'Tears, sweat, and blood all contain salt. We didn't need any more,' River said to her.

'It tastes fine, bao bei,' Allie reassured her.

'Liar,' River pushed the plate away.

She had only taken a bite when she was overcome with exasperation. She wanted to cry, inexplicably wanted her father but was too scared to go back...back to where?

'Just eat meimei,' Simon told her, pushing the plate back to her.

'Come on Riv,' Kaylee said brightly, 'if you eat it you won't feel so tired.'

'Why does everyone treat me like a child,' she asked, staring at Mal hard. 'I am more than the sum of my title,'she continued, her voice rising as she stood and sent her chair flying into the wall behind her. 'I have seen things, I can handle this and I am more than what has happened to me!'

'Sweetheart,' Allie reached up a hand but River smacked it away.

'No one touches me unless I say so,' she spat in Jayne's direction. Her face softened and she looked off into the doorway at one end of the galley that lead to the infirmary. 'No one ever touches me again.'

Vera came into the galley followed by Inara who was still sleep rumpled and took smaller, less sure steps than normal. River could feel the way the Companion was walking heel to toe, starting heavy on the heel and trying to ease up on the toe. Rotating the foot in such a way that made her look like an inured swan. Inara had fixed herself up, reapplying the make up that could hide her red nose and sunken hollows under her eyes but could not cover up the slump in her shoulders or the start and stop of her otherwise fluid movements. Vera had put on an old dress that had a stain across the chest. It had been dyed green to try and hide it and had done a fair job. The yellowing on the collar had not escaped River's notice. Neither had the change in Jayne's posture when he saw her.

'I am so sorry I may have startled anyone,' she addressed the room, her facade once more intact. 'I hadn't slept at in a couple of nights. We know what that can do to a person.'

'You should have Simon give you something,' Mal said almost tenderly as she sat beside him, her shoulder bumping his. She smiled at the contact.

'And wake up with a soother hangover,' she asked airily. 'No thank you. Vera gave me a sleeping draught and some tea. I feel good as new.'

'Never new,' River heard in her head. She picked up a wave of sorrow coming from behind them all, punctuated with the clang of pans being put away.

* * *

Mal found Vera after his bridge duty was up. She was sat on the stairs with Inara and Kaylee, eyes transfixed on the portable unit which flashed bridal feeds. All the white fussy concoctions looked more suited to a dessert plate than a piece of clothing, but he never pretended to understand fashion.

'Vera,' he said after clearing his throat.

'Yes sir,' she answered a bit more kindly than that morning.

'I'm bad at admitting I was wrong when I got cross with you.'

'Apology accepted, Sir.'

'Please stop calling me sir.' She smiled up at him. He had to say for one, the cook had a glorious smile. It wasn't desirous like Inara and it didn't light up the whole room like Kaylee's. It wasn't darkly intelligent like River's or Allie's. It didn't move him like Zoe's or Simon's who were so rare in their smiles that he felt like they were giving him a gift when they did. When Vera smiled at you, you felt better. Even if you weren't sick, and he understood why Inara perfered the healing power of whatever strange plants this girl collected on the sometimes barren planets they visited.

'I forgive you, Mal,' she stood up and encircled him in her arms, pressing themselves close in a hug. He patted her backefore they parted. 'Now I have some very beautiful and very expensive dresses to look at,' she smiled.

As he walked away he heard Inara explaining in the dercorus voice she took when teaching:

'Ancient custom dictates that a bride should be in possession of four specific things on the day she marries her true love. Something old, something new. Something borrowed, and something blue.'

* * *

AN: sorry it took so long. on top of writer's block I've been under the weather and very busy. A bad combination, don't try it. i also want to thank everyone who had read, followed, reviewed and favourited this story. you have no idea how much i appreciate it. we're about halfway through!


	13. Chapter 13

Vera had resigned herself to running from him, in fact she had been content to. She was not proud or brave; her mind was not set on revenge. It was not in her gentle nature to want to hurt people but she wished she had taken up the poisoner mantle when Inara told her what had happened.

Her client was a rich land baron named Cillian and he made love like he was punishing you. Vera could have told her the last part. She could have told Inara a thing or two about him. Cillian Vaughan took. He took land and developed it, unmindful of the wildlife he killed or the homelessness his unique brand of gentrification created. He took women, girls, rumour had it sometimes young boys. He detroyed lives and families, salted the Earth in his wake. One man was Pestilence, War, Famine and Death riding in on an expensive transport with a blinding smile and more money than the entire Alliance. He was untouchable and horrible and had all the power in the Verse.

Despite her knowledge, when Inara came to her three weeks later and said she was ready to talk about what happened to her, Vera listened keeping the same soft expression on her face the entire time.

'I understand,' she finally confided once Inara finished speaking, their hands clasped between them over a pot of tea.

'Do you,' Inara asked her hopefully. 'I can't bear that anyone else has been through it.'

'The Universe is hard for people with tender hearts, jiejie,' Vera said wisely for someone so young. 'My Momma told me something when I was little. She used to tell Melly and me as we followed her around the village to tend the sick that 'women are the daughters of blood and bone; men want to possess us because we are the strong ones- we are something they can never be.' She meant that we have power, we endure. We can bring new people into the world, we can heal them, provide counsel better than anyone. We feed them, clothe them, we help them die. We are beautiful to look at and nice to touch. The Bible says women are deformed men, biology says otherwise. What happened does not make you any less incredible.'

'Why did you not become a Counselor, darling,' Inara laughed a bit as she wiped her tears. 'You know exactly what to say.'

'I've never even been to school,' Vera chuckled back, wiping her own eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. The smile Inara gave from across the dinner table that night, like a weight had been lifted from her soul. It was that smile that made Vera finally wish death on the man who had tortured her for ten years.

They made landfall on a nowhere moon somewhere between Beylix and Harvest called Aurora. Allie had persuaded River to camp out by a lake and had left Vera and Jayne at first watch.

He was sat on the edge of the ramp, his long legs dangling off and still not hitting the ground, a good six inches below him. His cigar smoldered on one side of him and he strummed his guitar, picking out a song with little success. He could pick up the sounds that had become all too domestic for them, a clanging of pots and pans being used somewhere deep in the ship and fragments of a song that sounded like it may had been a hymn. Soft talking and the constant whirr of machines that ran even when they were landed to circulate the air through the system and give the filters a break, a settling of the ship that reminded him of the way houses made noises at night and sometimes a brush of fabric on metal punctuated with a sparkling tinkle of sound from an unknown bit of frippery catching on a rail. He thought he could smell Jasmine on the night breeze which despite the full dark had remained heady and humid with the lingering heat of the day.

He didn't look up to see the owner of the soft footfalls that stopped just beside him.

'Evenin Spatzi,' he picked up the stub of cigar and threw it into the night, wiping the ash from the spot next to him so she could sit. To anyone who looked on in the darkness, it was a loving gesture. It was a man of little words saying 'sit here,be close to me, stay near me.'

'Evening Grosser Bär,' she returned, smoothing the underside of her skirt and sitting next to him. 'You playin me a song,' she joked, leaning her shoulder against his briefly. He set the guitar down, slightly embarrassed.

He hadn't picked it up since Haven, that one last night they were all whole people. He had played for them that night before the bloodshed. Before they dug children's graves and laid the last good man in the Verse across their hull. He touched his St. Christopher medal, a saint frozen in silver at his neck and shook his head at the memory.

'Not a lot of music in my life past couple a years.' He had felt this sad reflection since dinner ended. The roasted vegetables had caramelised to create a sticky sweet and savoury sauce at the bottom of their heaviest pan. He had mopped it up with honey sweetened bread he watched her barter for earlier that day, knowing it cost two vials of some unnamed remedy she had brought to a farm family who had a daughter with a persistent cough. He watched her then as she listened to the chest of the small tanned girl and shook her head positively as she fished the cloudy glass out of the beat up canvas bag she always had slung around her. Jayne had seen another short glance into the life she left behind, not only in her treatment of the child but in the way her face looked as she took up her task. Serious and capable with a touch of confidence he didn't even see when she was cooking.

The food had affected him that night. The power of a good meal was almost mythological amongst the crew of the Serenity now. Zoe confessed vivid dreams and Allie sometimes admitted a lustful night spent in the meal's wake. Mal displayed tenderness and understanding, Simon overtaken with affectionate bravado and Kaylee's eyes shone with happy tears sometimes after breakfast. If it affected River in such a way she kept it a secret, like so much in her life.

After dinner he found himself in his bunk, fingering the pages of the Bible the Preacher had given him on their last visit. They itched as they reached for the long neglected instrument in the corner of his room that signified yet another part of his life he had been forced to leave to wreck and ruin. Another part of his heart that had necrotised with the mourning most of his shipmates were convinced did not happen. He needed to touch something, soothe the ache in his chest and head. Keep busy, keep occupied, don't think too much or he might just walk into the woods and never come back.

'You sing enough for all of us,' he teased.

'I don't even realise I'm doing it sometimes,' she admitted. 'I used to use songs to time myself in doing things. Braiding my hair took one round of the sea shanty Momma used to sing, weeding the kitchen garden took two Healing Hymns and four mountain songs, cooking dinner could take an entire ten verse reel.' She remembered Cillian's dealings with her used to take five devotionals and an Our Father. 'I need something from you,' she finally said, laying her hand on his arm.

His breath hitched and he swallowed hard, 'Oh yeah?'

'I need to learn to shoot,' she said quickly, not meeting his gaze.

'What for,' he asked, expecting to hear an excuse about hunting in a pinch or some other thinly veiled lie. He looked at her hands which didn't twist her apron, didn't wring her skirt all white knuckled and red raw from doing the washing.

'I know someone who needs shooting,' she admitted, trying to hold her chin up to look at him.

That was how Jayne ended up drunk in the middle of the night, teaching the cook how to shoot to kill.

They had drained a bottle of wine each under the pretext that they didn't have any bottles that were empty enough to shoot at as Vera often repurposed them to hold preserved food. She swayed a bit as she stood, arms rigid and feet side by side.

'Okay,' Jayne sauntered up behind her and wrapped his hands around hers, which were gripping the gun a bit too lazily. 'Spread yer legs.'

'What,' she giggled in a mock offended tone.

'Filthy mind,' he laughed back, kicking her feet hip width apart. 'There, yer less like to fall backward with the recoil. Jeez you must weigh 80 pounds soaking wet. Okay now keep your arms like that. Good now get the middle of the bottle in the sight.'

She squinted, trying to hold the gun steady. She wasn't drunk enough to lose her balance...yet.

'Now gently squeeze the trigger,' Jayne said into her ear, his breath stirring the loose hairs next to her ear. She closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating on the heat of him through their clothes and the smell of his aftershave. Or was it his soap now that he no longer shaved? She recognised the smell from the few times they had been pressed against each other: dancing on Beylix and the folly in his bunk, passing each other in the small corridor between the common area and the bunks. 'Vera,' he brought her back to the moment.

'Sorry,' she threw her shoulders back again and found the sweet spot in her sight. His hands tightened on hers and she pulled the trigger. In the distance she heard the bottle break and behind her she heard loud swearing, his warmth gone.

Vera looked back to find Jayne holding the gun and his nose. Blood started to pool on the ground in front of him and he spit out a good amount into the dust.

'Oh mein Gott,' she explaimed rushing over to him. 'I heard the bottle break, what happened?!' She reached up to remove his hand to assess the damage.

He let her lead him over to the edge of the ramp and sit him down. She climbed onto his lap facing him and prodded the sides of his nose, mindful of the large bump on the bridge of it.

'I forgot to add,' he turned his head to spit again, 'after ya shoot you gotta keep hold of the gun.'

'Oh Jayne,' she gasped smoothing his sweaty brow. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' His eyes closed as her hands, still cool from the metal brushed his forehead. She stopped and leaned away, his hand came up to her back to stop her falling as she untied her apron and bunched it up, holding the soft cotton to his nose. He could smell garlic which meant at least it wasn't broken. His hand kneaded her lower back unconsciously and as she attended his injury she let her head fall back and to the side, a sigh escaping her lips.

'I almost break your nose and you rub my back,' she asked, in a breathy sigh that bordered on sensual.

'What's this,' asked a familiar voice from the night. Jayne couldn't help but think Mal didn't sound nearly as angry as he usually did. They both whipped their heads to look at him.

Jayne couldn't keep himself from smiling as he lowered the bloody apron from his nose, 'she beat me up,' he pointed a finger a Vera, still seated on his lap. She laughed and slapped his arm lightly.

'That'll teach you,' she played along, swinging a leg over to get off of his lap. 'I suspect you'll live.' She gave him a wink completely uncharacteristic of the quiet girl she usually was. He was sure that if someone didn't know Vera, she would seem timid and boring. Maybe even a bit dumb in her silence sometimes. It took those who knew her to see she was anything but. He ripped his eyes away from her as she disappeared into the ship to see Inara still grasping Mal's arm, a soft smile on her face as she observed them.

Inara had experience clarity after dinner that night. She sent WAVE after WAVE to the Capitol Planets, wrote draft after draft of resignation and sent them in triplicate, checked her account a hundred times before moving her entire savings into the credit account under her name only. This night she let Mal pay for drinks and told him asthey sat in a booth in the cornerof the dirtiest bar she had ever step foot in, that as of close of business tomorrow she would no long be a Companion. Her onlyrole would be the one she'd been playing these past eight months: accountant. Her shuttle was paid til the end of the year and there she would remain. He was welcome to carry on with her as they had been, in fact she'd prefer it because she knew her own heart and after all this time she knew his as well.

The ugly things she had endured that night on Beylix still crept into her dreams. Her breath would quicken when she saw a WAVE come in from any client now. It was no longer a wound, it had started to fade to a scar when she and the other women had gathered in the bay the daycycle after and spaced the dress she had been wearing that night out the airlock. The scab of memory itched sometimes but Mal and his newfound gentleness acted as panacea to any pain in her heart.

After they had gotten over the shock of the state they found Jayne in they retired to Shuttle 1 and spent the night wrapped around each other; more intimate than any sex act as Mal kissed her face and smelled her hair and asked her if she would be his until the end of time.

'I always was,' she whispered as they fell asleep.

* * *

Jayne was woken by the soft shuffle of feet coming down the ladder into his bunk. In the dark he couldn't even see in front of him and in his groggy state could not make out the owner of the footsteps. He sat up in bed, ready to unsheath his knife as if by reflex.

'Who's there,' he asked into the pitch, reaching for the bedside table and his hand falling short.

'It's me,' the intruder whispered, soft and musical and a bit shaky. The room brightened in a flash as she found the lamp he had been reaching for a switched it on. He took in the figure stood there: short and shaking, clutching her gauze nightdress about her tightly. Her red hair was wild and unbraided,falling over her shoulders and down her back in chaotic waves. Her eyes were wild and bloodshot, like she had just woken up as well.

'What are you doin down here,' he moved to wrap her in a blanket. Vera's teeth were chattering so hard he was sure she was going to crack one. She stopped him, grabbing his hand and placing it on her cheek. She leaned into the pilfered touch, still vibrating with anxiety.

'You said you could protect me, like you did River,' she half asked looking into his eyes with an intensity that scared him. Not much could creep him out, but the look she was giving him now was unsettling.

'I can,' he didn't mean to make it sound like a promise.

'Okay,' she hesitated at first then leaned in,her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly.

'What are you doing,' Jayne leaned back so quickly he bangedthe backof his head on where he kept his guns.

'I...I-' she stuttered, reaching out to him again with urgency. 'You could keep me safe, right? Like River?'

He wished the truth hadn't dawned on him and for the millionth time in the years since Miranda he wished he was his old self again.

'Oh girl,' he brushed the tears that fell on her cheeks away. She still looked panicked and desperate, like a possum in a trap. 'You think...' he let the rest of the thought go unsaid.

'You like me, right? You think I'm pretty? Would it be so bad?' Jayne had no idea what had happened in the few hours he had been asleep to shake her up so but she was not acting herself. When she was sober she was soft spoken and kind if a bit stubborn and naive. Even when she drank and she answered back saucily there was a fun innocence to it. The wild thing offering herself up to him was not the woman he had befriended. He shifted to the edge of the mattress sadly and carefully pulled her into a hug. She shook with sobs and finally untangledher hands, reaching up to clasp them across his broad back. 'I like you fine,' he heard her say into his shoulder. 'It wouldn't be so horrible would it?'

'Don't debase yourself fer someone like me,' he said into her hair after putting a kiss to it. 'It's true, I like ya. I even think yer pretty. But don't go offerin yourself up to a brute like me cos you think I can keep you safe.' She cried harder at his refusal. Her legs buckled and he held her tighter to keep her from falling. He dragged her into the bed and flipped the blanket over both of them, letting her curl up on her side and cry until she fell asleep.

Her breathing evened out, she only gave a soft whimper once in a while as she took hold of his hand and squeezed it tighter. He squeezed back and pillowed his head on his folded arm. He drifted off to sleep with a last thought that this was not the way he had hoped she would find her way into his bed.


	14. Chapter 14

When Vera woke she reached to stretch and found her hand hit a solid, warm mass beside her. The mass shook off her touch and rolled onto his side.

She took a moment to look around, finding the ceiling adorned with surreal pin ups barely dressed in what looked like cheap lingerie. Their plastic smiles greeted her this morning. On the wall was a striped blanket that served as a covering for some kind of storage. A sharp scent, male and earthy assaulted her nostrils. She was in Jayne's bunk. Had she really fallen asleep there?

Everything past shooting the gun was a bit blurry for her. She tended to the bloody nose she had given her friend, went to relieve Zoe from her watch on the bridge, then something had scared her so bad that she sought protection in Jayne. She went to sit up when an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her flush to him.

'Too early,' he muttered, nuzzling her neck with his nose which still had dried blood around it. She pulled away and continued to get up.

'So schön wie das heißt, I have to prepare breakfast,' she answered him. His eyes popped open and he let go as if dropping an ember.

'Gou pi,' he covered himself with the blanket up to his neck and tried to push himself closer to the wall.

'I'm the one who should be mortified,' she said, motioning to her unbound hair and sleep clothes.

She saw him then relax, dropping his blanket to pool at his waist. She stood to face him and held the neck of her nightdress closed. The scene looked all too familiar. In one moment she remembered what had frightened her so.

She had been on the bridge, her knitting in her lap and she was scanning the Coretex to find the farmer's almanac for Aurora and Harvest. A WAVE came through with no identification code so Vera assumed it was one of Mal's associates. The one named Badger was always up for a chat, and although Vera had never met him face to face she liked him, as much as a girl could like a criminal she supposed. She answered with an anticipatory smile, readying herself to pluck the gist of his meaning from the thick Londinium accent he bore. Instead of the small man in a derby hat she was expecting, there was a well known frightening visage all tinted blue and leering at her from the other side of the screen. He smiled, and she could swear she saw him lick his lips as she came into view.

'Hello darling,' his greeting stung like a slap in the cheek. 'Found you my pretty.' She reached to close the feed but his face twist hideously and he slammed his fists on the desk in front of him. 'You disconnect and you all die,' he screamed, barely able to contain his rage. 'I have your location, I know who you're with and where you're headed. You shut me off now and I kill them all.' Vera stilled her hand, flexing her fingers and trying her best not to scream.

He looked off screen for a moment then turned his attention back to her. He sent through a file bearing Inara' s ID and picture.

'First, I'll finish what I started with the whore,' he smiled. Another ID popped up on the screen. Kaylee looked back at her without the grin and crinkled eyes that were characteristic to the Mechanic. 'Kaywinnit has the misfortune of being an illegal child.' He leaned into the screen 'Mormons and their seven wives...now, that wouldn't go over well with the Alliance at all would it? Maybe I could turn her in for the rolling bounty on Mormons. Children of bigamy catch a high price.' Mal was next. 'No one would miss this Browncoat. No one told him the war was over did they?' A picture of Zoe with a blonde man popped up next, 'Zoe Allayne Washburne could join her husband quite happily I suspect,' he laughed at some unknown joke he was making. Allie' s file was not found, no picture and no ident were available for the pilot. 'It doesn't matter who she is,' Cillian assured her, 'she can die quickly. Along with the psychotic dyke she calls her lover. In fact the brother can too. Society hasn't missed the traitorous Tam siblings so far, I don't think anyone would notice they were dead.' Wanted posters for Simon and River flashed before disappearing. Another wanted poster filled the screen. 'Jayne Ellicott Cobb, wanted for murder, burglary, public indecency, conspiracy to overthrow the government, and forgery on a dozen and a half different moons. Now I have something special for him. Something that may seem familiar. I could make him watch,' the man on the screen mused. 'Save him for last as I kill and torture the people he claims not to care about. Make the giant watch as I take back what is rightfully mine.'

'Leave them alone,' she finally spoke, tears of anger and fear streaming down her face.

'Then come back to me my love,' he turned his voice to the loving tone he took with her when she was a child. 'Was it really so bad?'

'You raped me,' she practically screamed at him. 'Not once, but every time for ten years! Yes it was that bad! You dint have no regard for human life, you threatened me, injured and brutalized me since I was no more than a kid. You want me then come and get me you dirtbag. Leave them out of it!'

Cillian leaned back and folded his hands behind his head, looking up to the ceiling as if to contemplate these terms.

'No,' he answered. 'I may do as I please anyway. Let you live in fear for a while, shaking at every change in the wind. Then when you're comfortable and sure you've gotten far enough away, I'll come and take you. Tell me, has anyone else been inside you? Have you spread your legs for the big guy? Like the other red slut I took from him?!' She shut the feed down and spun her chair away, it hurt to even look at the screen. That was how she came to be in Jayne's room.

She clutched her scarred abdomen and fell to her knees. Jayne moved to help but she waved him away, shaking her head.

'He's going to kill me,' she gasped, raising her eyes to meet Jayne's.

'Same he who made you do that,' he motioned to where her hand was. She shook her head in answer and watched as her large friend leaned back, letting out a big sigh. 'Same he who needs shootin?' She confirmed with a head shake again. There was a long silence between them, neither willing to bring up the offer made last night.

'He your husband,' Jayne finally asked, barely hiding his jealousy.

'Fiance,' she confessed. 'Not arranged but not wanted. I thought nearly killing myself to get rid of any trace he ever touched me might had been a huge hint to him. He ain't smart like us,' she tried to joke.

'He why you came to me last night,' he leaned his arms on his thighs so he could look her in the eyes, his hurt was palpable. 'He why you got so desperate,Spatzi?'

'I...yes,' she was ashamed of how she had acted. It was true she had an affection for the big man. He wasn't the brute he claimed to be. He handled her softly, and he was patient when she spoke. He often remembered things she said and would reference them in their conversations sometimes weeks later. When they were out and there was music he offered to dance with her, although he wasn't fond of it. When she had to go to the forests or farms it was he who volunteered if he wasn't needed elsewhere.

'Got you,' he sniffed as he sat up straighter. She got up to leave, her legs didn't want to work as she turned to go. She wanted to tell him something that would make him feel less used. Tell him she had planned on breaching the subject of her feelings once she had finally come to terms with what they were. That right now she dangled dangerously between the rock of friendship and the hard place of desire. The new kind of need she had in the very pit of her stomach that reached all the way to her heart. 'Is that the only reason,' she heard him ask with an inkling of hope. She was turned away, so he could not see the confused tears welling up in her eyes. She knew things about him, through the smallest hints in their conversations or the WAVEs she had with his sister Mattie who she became friendly with. Vera learned about the red haired ghost that haunted his dreams from River and her haphazard babbling sometimes. This man had been wronged by the same monster who stole her childhood. A few words and Jayne would go after him like an ancient berzerker, possibly getting killed in the process. He was who he was because of one redhead, long dead. He didn't need to die because of another that had neglected to die at the right time.

'No,' she answered so softly she wasn't sure she said it out loud at all. 'This is just a bad time for a better answer.'

* * *

He dressed quickly, pulling on the clothes he had worn the night before. There were still a few drops of blood on the collar of his shirt, his trousers smelled faintly like herbs and Jasmine. He picked up the bloody apron Vera had used to mop up his blood. It was shabby, even without all the blood staining it. The edges were worn and soft, he thought of how much it was like her: too small and soft, but hardwearing and useful. There was a wisdom in the myriad of stains that marred the flowered fabric. And it smelled like food, as Vera often did. He passed River in the corridor, she was wearing nothing but a pair of panties and combat boots. She stopped grabbed him by his arms, shaking him violently.

'Don't eat it,' she said roughly. 'Don't eat it if you can't handle the truth.' Her small breasts bounced and she grasped him tighter with every word.

'Simon,' he shouted, not breaking eye contact. 'Simon your sis has gone all loopy again!' The doctor came running, still in his nightclothes with a scratch going down his cheek. Jayne smelled the blood on the pilot's hand.

Simon approached his sister slowly, 'Meimei,' he said carefully. 'Even Allie says you're scaring her. Let me give you this,' in his hand he had a syringe filled with the pink liquid Jayne recognised from the days when River was unbearably ill.

'I don't want to die,' she screamed at them, releasing Jayne and turning attack her brother. As quickly as Jayne could he restrained her, holding out her right arm for Simon to inject her. He used to do this after Miranda when she got very bad, coming at them weaponless but no less deadly. She let out an animal scream as the plunger depressed. A few seconds yet she went limp, still babbling as Jayne hoisted her up to his chest and carried her to the infirmary. He placed her on the auxiliary recovery bed and turned to leave.

'Thank you,' Simon said.

'You do for family,' he answered as he walked off, past Kaylee who was rushing in to see to River and past Allie who was sitting on the couch in the common area, staring straight ahead and trying to keep her face straight. He decided he'd had one too many hysterical women in his company so far today and the sun hadn't even risen.

Zoe stopped him on his way out of the ship into the already oppressive morning.

'What happened,' she asked, lacing up her boot.

'She just went a bit moony again,' he reported, helping her up in what Zoe would recount as an uncharacteristically friendly gesture. 'Doc will fix her right up. Where you off to at this hour?'

'Church,' she said.

'Ha! Right good one Zoe,' he clapped her on the back.

'I got a cousin who's Preacher here,' she told him, narrowing her eyes. 'He needs transport for a neophyte to Harvest.'

'Need back up?'

'Mal's joinin,' she told him, clipping Mare's leg into her holster. 'Any updates on Albatross and give my comm a spit, yeah?'

'Yeah,' he agreed as they parted ways at the foot of the ramp.

* * *

'May I,' Vera asked Simon timidly, pointing to the vacant chair next to River's recovery bed beside Kaylee.

He gave a gesture of acquiescence and took the dish from her, examining the food.

'You forgot to eat,' she clarified as he gave her a confused look. She sat on the chair next to Kaylee and grabbed the Mechanic' s hand. 'There's a pie in the oven,' she told her. Kaylee gave her a watery smile.

'What kind,' she asked sadder than Vera had ever heard anyone talk about pie.

'Strawberry,' the cook replied somberly, patting the hand in her lap. River continued to sleep, occasionally crinkling her brow and pouting.

'It was a year,' Kaylee said finally, mistaking her eyes off the Pilot. 'Right Si? Not exactly but darn close enough. Her last bad one, where Jayne had to handle her like that and she needed the meds. I thought maybe she was gettin better.'

'She won't ever be better, bao bei,' Simon said quietly, dropping a kiss to his fiancee' s head. 'We can just hope for little improvements. A year, give or take is a good run.'

'I just want a normal life for her,' she looked up to him.

'So did I. But we found something better,' he smiled in spite of the situation, 'we found you.'

Vera took in the scene, familial and heartbreaking. Simon was serious by nature, she had been around long enough to know. He was formal and stiff like his shirts and shiny shoes with their mirror finish. Kaylee was all sunshine and softness with an easy smile and a heart that loved incautiously. And they had taken the role of parents to this broken woman who was extraordinary in her own right. Genius and beautiful, incredible in everything she tried and put her mind to. But so irreparably damaged by the thing she only called Blue Hands. Burdened with all the thoughts and feelings of people around her. Not only witness to great joy but sorrow and longing as well. No one could love her enough to make that stop. She thought Simon had his kind of medicine, and she had hers. The two did not have be at odds with each other. In fact they might work best in conjunction.

'O gather up the brokenness and bring it to me now. The fragrance of the promises you never dared to vow, the splinters that you carry the cross you left behind,' Vera sang the healing hymn Melly had sung to her when she came home bloodied in her most sensitive parts by Cillian, 'come healing of the body, come healing of the mind...'

Simon observed his sister's lips move in her sleep, face tranquil at last. He urged Vera on wordlessly.

'And let the heavens hear it, the penitential hymn. Come healing of the spirit, come healing of the limb...*'

Vera sat and went through the verses of the song that used to make the mornings after her assault kinder. She was able to face the day as if renewed when her sister would lay in bed with her, stroke her hair and sing the song. It was as if it was Melly's kind of magic, like her friends said her food was.

She went into the galley to take the pie out of the oven, thinking of what she was going to make with it for dinner. She contemplated using the things she preserved on a happier day, to spare them her fear and embarrassment.

On the kitchen table they all usually ate at lay a clean apron, a pretty deep blue with red stripes going vertically and yellow flowers between them. It wasn't hers, knowing her normal one was overwashed and pale, now sporting a huge blood stain.

'I ruined your other one,' came an apologetic voice from behind her.

'You didn't have to do this,' she spun and held it out to Jayne, 'especially after the way I treated you. I don't deserve this.'

'It's a gift,' he offered awkwardly. 'I...I wanted to give it to you.'

'Danke,' she said, lowering it, 'it's beautiful.'

'Spatzi, how many years you got?' He was studying her face looking for any clue and had obviously given up.

'23,' she answered self consciously. 'I had a birthday last month. That bother you?'

'Girl, I'm 35,' he said, sounding a bit exasperated. 'I'm old, and I'm used up. I shoot people for a livin. Now, I need to know if what you said down there...if that was true. Because I aint been able to get you out my head since you came on board. You're young, and you're so gorram sweet that I can't believe anyone had ever done you wrong.' He was standing in front of her now as she tied the apron in the centre front of her skirt. 'You scared me last night,' he continued. 'You come down to my bunk and you throw yourself at me in trade for protection and make me feel like a dirty old man.'

'You didn't-'

'But I wanted to! I wanted to so bad. I want you! I was bout to take you any way you'd let me! That makes me no better than the man who drove you to that,' he gestured to her stomach.

'I am so confused,' she shouted back at him, remembering the pie in the oven and taking it out, frowning at the browned crust. 'If you wanted me you should have taken me when you had the chance.'

'What the hell,' Mal asked from the other doorway. 'What did he do,' he asked waving his arms at Jayne.

'Doesn't seem he did anything,'Zoe smirked.

'Also seems that's the problem,' Allie added, her arm around a sleeping happy River.

'Do we have an audience,' Vera shouted at them brandishing a dish towel and whipping it at them. 'This is a private conversation. Get out of my kitchen!'

'She just threw you out of a part of your own ship, Mal. You've created a monster,' Kaylee giggled as she lead the captain away.

'Forest Harpy,' he shouted over his shoulder at the cook.

'Your pants are too tight,' she called back.

* * *

Late in the night, River reached for Allie. They kissed hungrily, teeth grazing lip and nails catching skin. When they parted, River's eyes shone brightly as she whispered:

'Want and need are two different things.'

* * *

AN: * the song Come Healing by Leonard Cohen was used for Vera' s hymn. I like the idea of our pop culture getting misinterpreted in the distant future, like a game of telephone. Vera and Melly were taught it as a holy song, much like we probably misinterpret certain Elizabethan literature and songs.


	15. Chapter 15

'So that's where we're at,' Vera told the screen.

'Harvest,' Melly said with a smile. 'Long way from Agustine, my love. Looking forward to the wedding?'

'Yes,' Vera tried to smile back. 'Tonight Inara, the Companion I told you about, she's arranged some kind of party with the Frye women. Zoe is out with Mother Catherine getting provisions. Mother Doris hasn't let me cook a single thing. She says I should enjoy my friend's wedding.'

'This crew, they all treatin you well? You get paid?'

'Of course. They may be on the wrong side of the law but they are honest as can be. I get a decent amount of leeway to do my job as well. They're more like family than a business collective.'

'I'm glad to hear it. Just rest assured we're all safe here, darling. He ain't been back. And we may have some good news in another month or so.'

'You tease,' Vera exclaimed at the WAVE terminal. 'Tell me!'

'Well, you know that patient we treated for his infected arm? That lawmaker with the shire horses?' Vera remembered him well: dark haired and serious, short and stocky with darkly tanned arms that bore white shoulders from where his shirt covered. He made a call to them if he so much as got a splinter, often lingering around for so long after being treated they ended up feeding him dinner a few times.

'Seems he has...intentions toward me,' Melly disclosed with a large grin and blushing cheeks. Melly was older than Vera by quite a bit, having been nearly a teen when she was born. She was beautiful, true, but it was also whispered amongst the village women that she spent her best years raising her little sister and neglected to find a man to settle down with before she reached spinsterhood. Vera felt a pang of guilt then. She had been gone four months and suddenly Melly had a suitor. One she harboured feelings for no less. 'Told Daddy that he didn't care what the crones in their sewing circles say. All that mattered was that he loved me, and he'd marry me, had I 35 or 72 years on me. He even says that we can keep on at the farm. He intends to sell his lot and move here! We're just waitin on a deal to go through.'

'Oh Melly,' Vera practically squealed. 'How wonderful, miene liebe.'

'I wish you could be here. He is so kind, and had such a way with animals. We plan to marry next year, start a family then.'

Vera spent the rest of the conversation trying not to be jealous of her sister. Melly deserved happiness after everything she had given up to make sure Vera came up right. All the time she spent teaching her, carrying on with her home lessons and making sure she passed on the very specific knowledge their Momma had started to give her.

Allie came in to relieve her of her watch, smiling as she sunk into the pilot seat across from her.

'Mother Scarlet needs your help at the big house,' she told Vera. 'Some problem with Kaylee's dress that requires three sets of hands.'

'On it,' she rushed off. They had been on Harvest the past nine days and Kaylee must have tried on the dress over a dozen times. At first it had to be let out, then taken in. One time the hem was dragging on the floor and another the lace detail at the center of the chest had shifted with all the alterations. Vera attended each of these fitting sessions with what Zoe described as the patience of a saint, handing one of the Mothers pins and sewing on any beads that may had fallen off in the process.

Cillian had not been lying about Kaylee's family, there were five Mothers to one father, all bearing him children and living in a large whitewashed farmhouse. Every wife had a simple gold band around her ring finger, as was tradition in their religion. They all seemed to live in harmony, the wives all working together to run the house and farm. They helped with everyone's children and grandchildren: schooling, clothing, feeding them all while living in the middle of a fertile crescent of land cut off from the village by two rivers. Their tract of land was dotted with smaller family homes and storage silos. It seemed each son had his own little land holding as well. There were a couple of vacant houses that the crew were using during their stay.

'We call it Zion,' Kaylee had told her the night they arrived. 'It provides all they need, they don't normally socialise outside the family and marriages are arranged. I'm the only one to leave and come back engaged to someone outside the religion. Pop likes Simon though. They realised I weren't one for the faith and let me be what I am.'

'My Father is much the same,' Vera said to that. 'He only ever just wanted us to be happy.' She stared off in the distance where Jayne, Simon and Mal were unloading the neophyte's luggage getting ready to transport to the village.

'Are you,' Kaylee asked following her gaze.

'I am now.'

Vera stood at the base of Kaylee's wedding dress with Inara and Zoe, holding up the three layers of crinoline so it wouldn't fall and swallow up Mother Scarlet while she fixed a rip in the liner slip.

The small honey haired woman shuffled backwards until she was clear of the crinoline and stood up. She came up just to Vera's chin but her bouffant hair added a few more inches to her height. Right now is was fallen and flopping in her eyes.

'That will have to do Kaywinnit,' she sighed, putting the needle and thread back into her sewing box.

It was easy to see which of the Mothers was Kaylee's birth mother. They shared the same toothy smile with their too big front teeth and premature crow's feet from smiling fully no matter what it was about. Although Mother Scarlet was creeping through middle age, her hair was the same colour as her daughter's. They shared the same friendly disposition and openness. Vera thought she may be getting a good glance at what Kaylee might look like in twenty five years.

There were more men on the homestead than women, Kaylee having more brothers than sisters, and in turn them having more sons than daughter's. Vera was surprised to find the women were thrilled to have them, inviting her to their knitting circle the second day the crew were there. Mother Doris welcomed her into the kitchen with literal open arms, glad for the help with the wedding cake. They spent three days in total brushing the pansies and violets with sugar and egg whites to candy them and arranging them artfully on the white paste frosting. It was kept in the cold stores so no one would see it. Vera had to say she was looking forward to Kaylee and Simon seeing it.

One of the brothers, Brother Zeke she thought, had taken to her. He was often up before her in the morning, having come in from the livestock stables and itching for breakfast.

'You seem to fit in quite comfortably, Sister Veronica,' he mused that morning as she lay a platter of bacon on the table in preparation of the crew coming in for their feeding. The dress drama had been finished before breakfast.

'Y'all are so nice,' she smiled at him. She did like the way they lived: in tune with the land, kept themselves to themselves, took care of each other. She didn't understand any religion that outlawed coffee, however. She also couldn't wrap her head around the sister wives situation.

'Pop says it's time for me to take another wife, you know,' he brought up casually, leaning against the counter and watching her flip the cooked eggs into a covered dish.

'Have you picked one out,' she asked brightly, feigning ignorance.

'I was hoping I could speak to your Father about that,' he asked, giving her a soulful look with his large eyes the colour of cornflowers.

'Oh Zeke that is so sweet,' she told him, noticing his embarrassment at her friendly refusal. 'I don't think I'd make you a good wife. I ain't very obedient.'

'She'll make fun of the way you dress,' Mal added, coming in to steal a piece of bacon before the others got to it.

'Pick at it again and I'll cut your fingers off Mal,' Vera threatened benignly, pointing at him with a spatula. 'Go get the others, breakfast is up.'

Once they were alone Zeke breached the subject again. 'You can learn,' he assured her.

'I know,' she wiped her hands in her apron, musing over the flowers on it and smiling. 'You ain't my type, darling.'

'You have a type,' Zoe asked as she sat at the table, enjoying the extra leg room that came with being off the ship.

'Yeah,' Simon sat next to the First Mate and poured himself the coffee substitute they drank on the settlement, 'tall.' He frowned after taking a sip.

'Don't speak if you don't know nothin bout it, Doctor Simon,' she warned him.

'Are they making fun of you again,' Inara asked, commiserating with her.

Kaylee came in to admonish her brother, 'Zeke Frye, stop botherin Vera. Jeez like you could ever take a hint! No one's stopping Vera from flyin with us. We'd starve without her!'

'No need to fight me for her, Kayls,' he ruffled his sister's hair and left them to breakfast. 'A no is a no.'

'Where are Allie and River,' Vera asked as she lay out the plates.

'There was some interestin noise comin from their shuttle. Best not disturb them,' Jayne said as he came in, staring daggers at Zeke.

'I'll leave them some in the oven so they don't raid the larder,' she decided, taking her customary seat next to Jayne.

As she cleaned up the kitchen for Mother Doris she felt a presence behind her. She turned around nervously, remembering the threats Cillian had made.

'Was he botherin you again,' Jayne asked her, taking the butter knife she forgot she was holding from her hand and placing it down on the drainboard.

'Who?'

'Brother Zed,' he clarified.

'Zeke,' she corrected him. 'No. Although I guess in a roundabout way he did propose marriage.' She smiled up at him, mischievous.

'Oh did he,' he was not good at hiding jealousy, she had noticed.

'Could have had the honour of being his third wife,' she giggled. 'No thank you.' She saw his posture relax at his realization that she thought the whole idea was ridiculous.

He traced the curve of her cheek with his calloused thumb. 'Out in the near pasture in ten,' he ordered gently, 'time for your shootin lesson.'

She had been improving during their daily lessons. When they were flying, he made her practice with plastic pellets he called BB's but when they were earthbound they would go out to an open space and practice with the real thing so she could get a feel for it. She met him in the pasture, her good boots on and a heavy sweater with big pockets to hold the extra ammo. The Autumn wind whipped her newly shortened hair across her face. She had taken to wearing it down since Inara had lopped off nearly 12 inches of it. She still kept it pinned away from her face like the woman had shown her, to stop it getting in her eyes. It was useful when practicing outdoors.

He handed her the little gun she had been using that Jayne now called hers. He kept it with the others, in his bunk and behind the striped blanket she learned housed his arsenal.

'Alright,' he handed her the box of ammo, 'load up Birdie and we'll get started.'

With Harvest being at the beginning of their Autumn, the sun still rose early but the mornings were crisp. The past few days had gotten progressively colder and when the winds blew hard like they did today, she was almost glad of them. When he wrapped his arms over hers to position her correctly, she could explain away the goosebumps. She could make excuses for the way she shivered as he brushed her hair to one side so he could make sure her shoulders were level.

'Okay,' he analysed her score for the day, tallying up bullets used to bottles broken. 'You did good, Spatzi. Just remember, you shoot to kill. If this guy is as bad as you say, then he needs two in the head. Don't give him a chance to get away.'

'Shoot to kill,' she repeated, not liking the way it sounded. It felt prickly in her mouth, like she had tried to swallow something without chewing it properly.

'Hey,' he grabbed her shoulders and bent his legs to look at her square, 'remember that it's the piece of go se that made you hurt yourself so. I'd shoot him myself if I didn't think you'd stop me.'

'Why?'

'We almost had to live in a Verse without you in it,' he shook her gently. 'Do you know how gorram unacceptable that is?' She put her hand on his and leaned her cheek against it, smiling sadly.

'I won't tell anyone you said that,' she joked, as the fire at the centre of her body got hotter. She wanted to lean in and kiss him but refrained, afraid he would reject her advance again.

'Thanks.'

They walked back to the house, Jayne with his arm slung down around Vera' s shoulders. She had started to shiver from the cold. They were greeted by one of Kaylee's mothers. Jayne knew what Mother Scarlet and Mother Doris looked like. Maybe this was Mother Esther?

'Mother Hildie,' Vera greeted the woman, who looked to be waiting for them with her hand on her hip. Jayne took his arm from around Vera at the disapproving look the woman was giving them. It looked like the look his Ma used to give him when she caught him sneaking in from next door.

'I need your friend to go help the men fix the pig sty,' she wouldn't speak to Jayne, opting to only talk through Vera. 'Tell him directly, girl.' Mother Hildie walked off, her ankle length skirt swaying with her wide hips.

'Jayne,' the cook addressed him in a mock stern tone, 'Mother Hildie told me to tell you-'

'Yeah, yeah,' he chuckled, holding his arms up, 'pig sty. Good shootin today Spatzi.' He walked in the same direction Mother Hildie had taken, wondering if they had an encounter in the way and she needed something done, if she would actually talk to him.

He needed hard labour after being so close to her. Lifting the large stones to fix the walls of the sty gave him the much needed way to work off the adrenaline he produced when he was around her. Their friendship was strange, not even they understood it. He had laid no claim to her, she was free to see and flirt with whoever she liked. Not that she would, he knew. She seemed uncomfortable around strange men, even when they ventured out to drink together. She would stick by him or Mal when men came up to them. He even found her hiding behind him one beery night, stating that one man was trying to get her to accept a drink from him a bit too vehemently. When they were out getting supplies, she sometimes held on to his belt loop in crowds when people got too close. He had gotten tired of it one day and looped her arm through his. Jayne had not seen her act that way with Mal, but then again there was a lot he didn't see.

Although he had no claim on her, Brother Zeke was really getting on his nerves.

Inara had tasked herself with putting the youngest children to bed that night before they celebrated Kaylee's last night as an unmarried woman. The children had eaten the dinner Vera prepared with relish, all chatting excitedly about the big party that was going to take place the next day. Inara couldn't help but observe a couple of the teenage girls looking wistfully out the window as they ate their nettle soup and sighing heavily. She smiled at this, knowing that whatever Vera had been feeling the past couple of weeks was affecting them all amourously. She found herself placing kisses on everybody in the mornings and hugging them all come nightfall.

As she put them to bed that night they begged her for a story. She tried to think of one that would appeal to them all: young and older, heartsick and uninterested. She gave smile as she sat in the center of the group that had gathered around her. She smoothed the front of her yellow Saree and laid her red headscarf over it, then lifting it to float gracefully down to the floor. Picking it up again, she waved it around, swooping it in front of a child's face.

'There is a tale where I'm from,' she leaned in as if confiding a powerful secret, speaking soft and deliberately, 'about a sweet red sparrow. This sparrow came from the largest forests and greenest valleys. She sang high and sweet, giving a song to any weary travellers that may have needed their spirits lifted. One day while flying o'er the high snow capped Mountains where no flowers grew she broke her wing. Oh, but luckily, from the deepest cave a bear was coming out of hibernation. He was large and dark, mean from his long isolation and he heard this song. He followed the sweet singing to find it coming from a snow drift, and dove in to save whatever was making the song. For the song moved him so, the ice around his heart started to melt and he began to not be so mean from his years of loneliness. He found the sparrow and nursed her back to health but she was too afraid to fly from him, fearing she would get hurt again and he would not be there to save her. See, the sparrow had fallen in love with the bear. She only knew him as tender and kind, in his own bear way. The bear vowed to keep her safe for all time, and if the day came she wanted to fly again he would gladly go with her for despite his best efforts not to, he had fallen in love with her too.'

'But bears can't fly,' one girl observed, sadly. 'How would he follow?'

'Love gave him wings,' Inara assured them, taking up the red scarf again and letting it settle in a flourish on her lap. 'Through love, anything is possible.'


	16. Chapter 16

The sun rose clear and bright the morning Kaylee and Simon wed. The women had gotten up at the first rays that slipped in through the net curtains to start preparing the bride and themselves. A veritable army descended on the little house by the riverbank where the Mothers and women of the crew had stayed that night. It would be later cleaned out by the younger generations while the party raged on at the big house for Kaylee and her new husband to spend their wedding night in.

The women all gathered around the comparatively small table this house's kitchen to graze on light breakfast foods, all five Mothers urging Kaylee to eat. It seemed she had been taken over by nerves.

Mother Doris did not adhere to the austerity the rest of the Mothers did and had managed to sneak a snifter of brandy to the apprehensive bride.

With the women all taking to their tasks of the day Vera headed over to another small house in a far field, where the men had stayed accompanied by a couple of Brothers for the night. She imagined there would had been little to no austerity there on Simon's last night as a 'free man' (a phrase Mal had used gravely).

She was not surprised when she opened the back door to find the house still, quiet, and dark. A few Brothers had fallen asleep in the living room with their boots still on and a malty smell on their breaths. She unloaded the basket she had with her, plating up pastries both savoury and sweet that she had helped Mother Doris prepare. She searched around the kitchen for any hint as to where the mugs were kept.

'Morning,' she smiled as she recognised the voice, albeit sleep filled and perhaps a bit hungover.

'Morning to you,' she greeted him, still opening and closing the cupboards. 'Nervous?'

'Yes,' Simon said in a rare fit of direct honesty, shedding the doctor persona finally. 'No coffee is taking a toll on my nerves as well.' Vera smiled at this and produced a thermos from a fold of her skirt.

'I take care of my guys,' she opened it and proffered the steaming container.

'I could kiss you,' Simon took it and drank deeply.

'Save it for your wife, loverboy,' she joked, returning to her work and setting smaller plates out of the table. 'I wanted to make sure yall had enough to eat. Nothing is worse than throwing up on an empty stomach.'

Simon bit into the puffed pastry with rosehip compote in the centre, his eyes closing in approval as he chewed slowly and thoughtfully. The warmth spread through his chest, calming his hammering heart. He gave a big swallow, followed by a swig of the contraband coffee.

'Just what I needed,' he said, not stopping his chewing to do so.

'I know,' Vera countered, stopping her jobs to tuck a lock of hair back under her headscarf. Inara had tied it up in rags like she did to hers. The promise of long tumbling curls was exciting for her. She had to admit, she was also looking forward to slipping on the new dress Mother Esther had insisted she accept. She smiled at the spread she laid out, satisfied with the amount of pastries and fresh breads and jams she had cobbled together from their stores on the ship. She saw Mal meticulously examine a slice of bread for mould, a habit from living on ships or from his days in the military she didn't know.

Jayne tried to fiddle with his tie, producing a straight knot that didn't hang right in one attempt and one that was too short on the other. He was standing in the great hall at the Big House, still attempting to wrestle with the confounded thing.

'Let me before you hurt yourself,' River pulled him roughly to her, and in a moment her nimble fingers had set the tie to rights, the tip just hitting his belt buckle. She was stood in the third step of the grand staircase to reach his neck, which he mused was about as thick as her waist.

'There,' she nodded at her accomplishment, 'You will be sufficiently turned out now. No embarrassing captures.' She smoothed down the cowlick at the back of his he'd, frowning when it popped back up. 'No one will look shabby for jiejie and gege' s big day.'

'You won't allow it,' he asked.

'Under penalty of death,' she jested.

'Look over here,' Allie told them and as they turned the flashbulb of the Capture went off, leaving Jayne seeing bright fireworks of colour before his eyes readjusted. The other pilot was dressed in a boyish but immaculately tailored black suit and a shiny white shirt that draped daringly low in the front. Her white hair was braided over her head in a familiar crown formation. Jayne figured the cook must had done it for her, as it was her former customary hairstyle. River had dressed in what seemed to be a fancier version of a flight suit. It was all one piece in a deep olive colour that reminded Jayne of militia fatigues, but the material was soft and velvety. It had no sleeves and he wondered if she was going to steal his jacket later like she used to. She wore large gold coloured earrings that dangled to her shoulders and made sounds like windchime when she moved her head.

'That will be a sweet one,' Allie said looking at the little screen on the Capture. 'Get one of Riv and me now.' She thrust the contraption into Jayne' s hands and posed next to River, her arm around the other woman who was kissing her cheek. He depressed the button just as River's face pulled away, smiling.

'That one will be lovely,' Vera had slotted next to him when he wasn't looking. She was holding on of the many infants he had seen around the place, babbling and chewing its fist. 'I want a copy of that one.'

'Where'd you get a baby,' he asked, lowering the Capture to look at her. Her hair was down, not even pinned from her face. It waved over her shoulders, tumbling down in soft curls. He had expected her to braid it, keeping it up like she always had. Instead of her visiting dress she wore a diaphanous purple get up that ended just above her knees. The top left one shoulder bare while the other was clasped with a shiny silver brooch. He barely recognised her, without her earthy clothes and unadorned face.

'The market,' she joked, smiling slowly as if it had dawned on her the reaction he was having. Allie ripped the Capture from his hands and took it up to her eyes.

'SMILE,' she shouted gleefully and they turned to face her, grinning.

She showed them the little screen, the picture looking so normal it threw him. There stood him: large and hulking, dark and broad; and Vera: small and light, her curves displayed in her new dress and a bright smile on her face as she held the baby on one hip. It looked like a family portrait.

'Oh,' he heard her next to him. 'That's...um, that's real nice. Lookit how handsome you are,' she tickled the baby's chin and cooed at him.

'He's a good lookin kid,' Jayne agreed, trying to forget the Capture. 'Who does he belong to?'

'Sister Emmylou,' she answered, relaxing.

'Almost time,' Zoe told them, smoothing down her otherwise unruly hair that someone had pulled into an elaborate twist at the back of her head. She was handsome as always, in a long dress in the colour of arterial blood that swept the floor gracefully.

'Hey Zoe,' he said holding out his arm, 'lookin good.'

'Can it Ape,' she accepted his help descending the last couple of stairs. Vera had gone to return the anonymous infant to its mother. 'But thanks. You look less unevolved than usual.'

'Thought I'd scrub up, seeing as Kaylee' s gon through the trouble of gettin hitched and all.'

'Mighty kind of you.'

'I try,' he lead her to the front row, her seat next to Vera.

'You look lovely, little one,' Zoe remarked, fixing a fold in Vera's top in a maternal gesture.

'You do as well,' he heard Vera say, just as shocked as anyone at the way the warrior's hair was tamed. Inara Sat next to the other women, a flurry of blue silk and silver threads. Jayne was reminded of the damselflies they had seen down at the riverbank.

Vera sat through the ceremony, pleased with herself at the job they managed to do on Kaylee's hair. The thick braid fell over one shoulder and was woven through with small sprigs of gypsophilia. The effect was that of a forest nymph waking up to find it midsummer.

River felt Vera sigh next to her, in a happy/sad way she had gotten accustomed to doing. There were threats that were never far from her mind, sorrow never completely forgotten. River liked when she spent time being a girl, however. A naive idealism and wild magic surrounded the woman. A capacity to love bigger than even Kaylee's and a fierce protectiveness that rivaled Mal's. There were spikes inside her sometimes, like irons from a fire. They were directed somewhere deep inside others, at their hearts she felt were unfeeling or hurting. They didn't seek to maim, no never wanted to cause harm. 'Cruel to be kind,' popped up in her sleep. Perhaps a saying from childhood.

The music reached a crescendo, and the new husband and wife rose from where they knelt at the altar, Father Frye closed his bible and held it over their heads as they turned to face the crowd, hand in hand.

'By the power bestowed upon me by Heavenly Father and his disciples on our plane, I hearby announce Simon and Kaywinnit Tam bound for life. What Heavenly Father has put together, let no man tear asunder,' the older man lowered his arms and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief, stopping covertly to mop his eyes.

'Amen,' he declared.

'Amen,' the crowd echoed, heads bowed.

There was a screech from the altar as Kaylee jumped into Simon's arms and peppered his face with kisses, finally finding her way to his lips and kissing him fully there. He carried her out of the great hall, her train slung over one arm as he tried to balance his giddy wife.

'Finally,' Mal leaned to tell Inara. 'I thought he was going to pass out before we got him to the altar.'

'Or run off,' Jayne added, remembering the wobble that morning where Simon had tried to climb out a small bathroom window.

'No way he wouldn't have shown up,' Vera assured them, sure of her opinion as they stood to file into the large dining hall that normally saw meals for the entire compound. It was decked out in flowers like Kaylee had in her hair and some trailing white flowers that gave off the same heady scent Jayne had smelled on the night air on Aurora. River rushed past him, grasping Allie's hand and pulling her toward the food.

'It is the truth,' she smiled as she shoved a small piece of food into her lover's mouth. 'Goodness and sunlight, love at first sight, the heart is always right,' she sang, handing out the delicate foods to everyone gathered there. 'Eat it and know,' she said joyfully, feeding herself at last.

Zoe bit into the canape and let out a huge breath as the chili flakes hit the back of her throat, inciting memories of illicitly kissing in darkened corners, sneaking in and out of bunks before anyone could see them. The sweetness of red pepper was next, drawing out the tender feelings of a wedding night and plans for the future. The bite of coriander, citrus and fresh like a summer breeze and the cold sea licking at her ankles. It was joy.

Mal chewed the creamy avocado paste thoughtfully, thinking of black hair and golden eyes, the breath of sandalwood and an itching in his hands to lift the half veil Inara wore when the sun got too strong. The crisp bread with garlic oil opened his nose and made his head swim, he reached for the woman next to him. When she smiled back his world got brighter.

Allie just looked to River, wiping a drip of vinegar from the brunette's lips and kissed her sweetly.

'I love you, Moongirl,' she said smiling against River's mouth.

'I love you, sunshine,' the other replied happily, helping herself to another.

Jayne bit through the resistance of the mushroom on its little slice of bread. Biting acid of vinegar soothed by the aromatic thyme and earthy mushroom, sliced thinly. He saw the truth that had held him back from giving himself over to this new presence in his life. He saw the reason he had been so unwilling to make room for her in his heart. She was not Lena. No, she was nothing like her. Lena was kind, true. To him she was sweet and tender, lovely and feisty in the way young women who know what they want could be. But she had a darkness in her- a hunger he could have never satisfied. She longed to raise herself, her family up the social ladder. Vera was genuine and merciful, loyal to a fault. He had been looking for the same darkness Lena had in this woman. The darkness he had never seen in his young love, blinded by her pretty face and soft words that were carefully orchestrated to hide her designs on society.

He swallowed and looked down to the woman next to him- the pretty cook smiled back up to him in a way he was sure Lena had never done. There was always a part of her that stood apart from him. When Vera smiled at people she let them in, she made them feel important and in a way loved them with her gesture.

'He loves her,' Inara whispered to River, who shook her head in confirmation.

It was not so much and affect of the food as it was Inara' s ability to read people, a keepsake of her Companion training. She had seen it in the way he stood outside the infirmary when Vera's injury ruptured and how he kept close by her in the galley. He always stayed far enough away to not raise suspicion to any passers-by. When they all went out the two disparate friends stuck close together, often one not going back until the other was ready. She smiled, remembering the day he took her to Sunday dinner at his mother's. She was certain in her mind that was when it started.

Celebratory music struck up, a band made up of siblings young and old stood in one corner with fiddles and a piano. Vera bounced down excitedly and clasped her hands to her chest, looking up at Jayne from under her lashes.

'Yeah, yeah,' he didn't try to argue with her, 'come on.' He grabbed her hand and spun her onto the area that people were using as a dance floor, not hiding his joy very well.

'How long has that been going on,' Mal asked, slightly disturbed. The women gave him looks in varying degrees of disbelief.

'I have a few things to explain to you, Sir,' Zoe lead him into the dance floor, forcing him to dance with her.

* * *

After the cake had been eaten, Kaylee could barely contain herself. Simon found her pawing at him under the table, mere feet from her father. He put a candied flower on his tongue before excusing themselves, letting the sugar melt away and savoring the floral taste. He found something sensual about floral foods. Calming in an opiate kind of way, melting his base reading of nervous energy that he usually carried in his bad posture and twitching hands. A serenity that left room for feelings of love and passion, a hunger only sated in the way Kaylee undressed slowly and gave herself to him, body and soul that night. An aching thread of tenderness in their lovemaking, no matter the pace or length.

River took the glass out of Vera's hand before it reached her lips and threw the dark alcohol down her throat in one motion.

'Rutting,' she pointed out the window and over to the bridal house. The crew and a few less pious of the family members were sat in the large common room of the Big House, passing around bottles of otherwise banned alcohol that Father Frye had deemed consecrated for celebration by Heavenly Father himself, and was therefore fine to drink. When he had stated that Zoe shook her head good naturedly and took the first glass from one of the 'holy' bottles.

'Oh honey,' Vera put an arm around River, leaning their heads together. Jayne handed her another drink, keeping it clear of River's grabbing hands.

'I have a better idea to clear your mind, sweetheart,' Allie helped her up and wrapped an arm around her waist. 'See y'all tomorrow.' The two women said their goodnight and were gone. Mal and Inara retired after, finding the party underwhelming with only five people.

'I have to get out of this dress,' Zoe complained, standing to stretch. 'No drinking contests,' she warned Vera and Jayne sternly.

'I'll make sure he behaves,' Vera promised. 'Night Zoe.'

She eyed them for a moment, wobbly on her heels. 'Night you two,' she stumbled off, finding her footing a few steps later.

'It was lovely today, wasn't it,' Vera asked Jayne steadily, half drunk.

'It sure was a wedding,' was his response as he took the set next to her on the couch. They both rested their heads back, looking up at the dark crossbeams of the high ceilings. Shadows played there from the candles still burning around the house.

'Hey Jayne,' she said in a small voice.

'Hey,' he answered in a hoarse whisper.

'Do you get lonely,' she asked as if coming out of a quiet reflection.

'Nah,' he answered safely. 'We make landfall enough that we get to see people. Ma WAVEs too often, and sometimes the others are friendly. I get by.'

'I meant in here,' she placed her flattened palm on her chest. 'Lonely for love, like?'

'Yeah,' he confessed absentmindedly.

'Me too.' She got up on her knees next to him and leaned her face so it was over his.

'I'm goin to bed,' he said quickly, still shaken by the revelations her food brought on. He had spent the day basking in her presence, happy enough to do that. He stood and stretched, collecting his jacket from where it had been discarded after River was done wearing it.

'Jayne,' she called after him.

'Don't be with me because you're lonely,' he said sadly, turning to face her. 'Don't do it because you think I can keep you safe or because you think you owe me something. Don't try an give yourself to me again. I don't got the resolve tonight to refuse you.'

He laid awake in the borrowed bed, the former bachelor's house now quiet and dark and some rooms filled with sleeping wives or lovers. He occupied the room with the largest bed, one of the Brothers worried about the normal sized ones supporting his weight. He stared at the wall, chaotic shadows thrown across it by the elm tree shivering in the wind. He heard his door creak open, a sliver of Orange light spilled in from the hallway.

'Jayne,' said the last voice he wanted to hear. 'You awake Grosser Bär?'

'Yeah Spatzi,' he said sitting up. 'I'm awake.'

'Can we talk?'

'Seems we have to.'

'We don't have to. There are just...there's something you need to know.' She took a seat on the bed next to him, like he had done in her dorm after her injury. She continued sneakily, halting like he used to speak around her. 'It came out all wrong. I don't know how to do this, though. I've never-that's to say before this. I've never felt like I...' she trailed off and gave a huff.

'It's been a long day,' he excused her. 'You don't have to say anything.'

'I'll lose my nerve. I hafta. Okay.' She took a deep breath and turned to look him in the eyes.

'I know about Lena,' she started. 'Mattie didn't mean to tell me, but she did. She also told me what happened to her. And who did it.'

'Yeah,' he said, annoyed.

'Yeah,' she echoed. 'It's the guy who needs shootin.'


	17. Chapter 17

'Same son of a bitch who made you do,' he motioned to her stomach again, always refusing to state the horror.

'Yes,' she laid a hand on it. ' He would had eventually done to me what happened to Lena.' She had always known that was true, eventually she would have ended up dead, broodmare or not.

'How long have you known,' Jayne asked, seething with silent anger.

'Since the night I came to you,' she admitted. 'He WAVEd me when I was on watch. I put the pieces together, when he was so familiar with you. I didn't tell you because I had heard of the way you go into situations sometimes. Guns blazing with reckless abandon. I didn't want him to kill you too. You'd already suffered so much because of him. The way I look, it must be horrible for you.'

'That long,' he huffed through his nose and put his hands on his knees, his shoulders spreading.

'Jayne,' she pleaded, 'I didn't-'

'Get out,' he ordered her, refusing to look her in the eye.

'Let me-' she was trying her best not to cry then.

'Get out,' he ordered again, louder. She got up silently, taking on last look to the bed where he sat, still angrily staring at the floor.

Vera said sounding like a little girl, 'I just didn't want him to hurt you too.'

'Too late.'

If it had been four years ago, he would already be gone, grenade shells and corpses in his wake. Destruction reigned supreme back then, he'd kill anyone in a fair fight or over a woman or if he was getting paid. One out of three wasn't bad. He didn't have time to process how his revenge would play out, all he knew was it had to happen.

He found his clothes and dressed, his mind still swimming from the change in events of the night. He could still taste the wedding cake he has snuck before heading up to bed at the back of his throat, treacle and sultana cut with the bitter bite of candied peel. Bitter seemed fitting he thought, seething.

There was a different kind of dishonesty in the cook than there had been in Lena. Lena had secrets like any woman did. Desires that went above and beyond flesh- money and lifestyle were her endgame. He had admired her tenacity, her wherewithal. Vera's deception had been to protect them, to keep him in particular from harm. He turned suddenly and punched the hard plaster wall, leaving a sizable dent as his bloody knuckles pulled away. He would have to seek her out anyway, he thought as he wrapped his hand that was already rapidly bruising with a spare shirt. He couldn't disturb Simon on his wedding night, Kaylee wouldn't allow it.

Vera walked a way, hot tears stinging her eyes. She scolded herself silently. How could she have been so selfish? Trying to make things right had only hurt their situation. Their complicated friendship aside, he deserved his due with Cillian as much as she did. She thought maybe it would had been better to keep quiet, slip out in the night with a note and exact her revenge on the behalf of all the trail of broken women Cillian had left.

'No,' she said out loud no nobody, sitting in the damp grass of the far pasture and not minding she was getting her dress wet. 'He had to know, Veronica,' she continued to tell herself. 'But this is your fight. Don't pull that man into it, he is like to get himself killed.'

'You call yourself Veronica,' a voice asked, off to her side.

'Only when I'm cross with myself,' she pulled a long blade of sweetgrass and toyed with it in her fingers. Brother Zeke sat next to her, folding his thin legs and settling in the wet grass with her.

'What bothers you Sister Veronica,' he asked, stilling her hands with in of his, the work worn fingers closing around hers and reminding her so much of her Daddy's. She missed him so much, even if he had not been able to stop all that was in her past from happening, he loved her and she missed being loved.

'I kept an important secret,' she answered vaguely. 'The information was important to someone, that is. And now he's angry that I kept it from him. It was crucial to him.'

'Brother Jayne?'

'Yes,' she sighed shakily.

'Did you do it in malice,' he asked, incredulously.

'Of course not,' she shook his hand off hers and stared him in the eyes, hard and stony in her refusal in a way she thought Zoe would be proud of. 'I did it because...'

'You care for him,' Brother Zeke finished her sentence and stood, holding out a helping hand for her to stand as well. She shrugged in response. 'You love him?'

She couldn't answer him in words, and just nodded, feeling teary again.

'Any man that has your loyalty and care, as well as your affection is blessed, Sister Veronica. Come, I'll walk you back to the women's quarters.'

They returned to the smaller house as the sky began to lighten, to find Jayne sitting on the back steps, his hand wrapped in what looked like kitchen rags and held against his chest. Vera rushed to him and took it from where he had clutched it.

'What happened,' she asked, unwrapping the bloodied and bruised mass.

'I...got...,' he trailed off refusing to say and just dropping his head.

'Oh dear,' she ran a hand through his short hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead in a gesture that shocked the both of them, in light of what had happened. 'Can I fix you,' she asked him. He nodded in response, closing his eyes tightly. She turned to her escort, 'thank you for accompanying me back. I have a patient to tend.' Brother Zeke shoved his hands in his pockets and walked off, his heavy booted footsteps fading toward the stables.

'Did he propose again,' he asked as Vera sat him at the table and pulled a jar from the basket she had brought from the ship. He watched as she made a paste with some dried leaves and water, crumbling the leaves into a powder with her mortar and pestle then adding the water. She mixed it until it was a paste the consistency of clay and twice as dark.

'He refrained,' she said as she seriously went about her task of slathering the wound with the poultice. It stung for a moment then went numb, and as the pain left he relaxed. He was feeling tired, angry, sad...all the emotions most people assumed he didn't have it in him to feel.

'Let that dry,' she got up and washed her hands.

'Vera-'

'-I'm sorry-'

'-I just didn't-'

'-please forgive me-'

'I do,' he said, 'but I'm not sure you did nothing wrong.'

'Are you gon kill him,' she asked, putting a kettle on to boil. She was still dressed in that purple dress she'd been wearing, displaying her figure and offsetting her firey hair. The curls had started to fall and the make up had worn off. Jayne thought she looked lovely in her too big sweater over the incongruously fancy dress and messy hair. She looked more like the woman he had come to care about with her small tough hands wrapped around a ceramic mug.

'No,' he told her, getting up and placing his good hand on the back of her head, angling it up toward his. He could feel her breath hitch and her pulse quicken, her chest heaving against his stomach. He leaned his head down to hers until their lips were barely touching, the air between them electric. 'We are,' he whispered against her the moment before would have pressed his lips to hers, but stopped when they heard a shatter. Vera had dropped the mug she'd been clutching. They parted suddenly, both feeling the loss of the opportunity.

'Oh, I can't do anything right,' she lamented, dropping from his grip and kneeling to clean up the broken cup. 'I have to start breakfast,' she told him, dumping the shards into the undersink garbage. 'I'll be round to the men in an hour to set out food.'

'It's Sunday,' he told her, taking her hand and putting a kiss into the palm. 'You're off.'

'Special occasion,' she said curling her fingers around where his kiss lingered, all beard stubble and wind chapped lips.

'They have bread,' he said impatiently. 'They'll survive.'

'Yes because on your wedding morning you really need toast to fortify you? No,' she remained firm. 'Simon and Kaylee get a cooked breakfast. They need that.'

'And you,' he asked, catching her chin and making her look up at him. 'What do you need?'

* * *

Allie lay back and let River kiss further and further down her body, electricity in the wake of her lips. They hadn't slept yet, but River boasted the ability to stay up for days quite happily. If there was lovemaking to distract her, all the better. Her baby fine white hair had started to slip out of the elaborate crown Vera had fashioned for her, the suit lay discarded somwhere at the threshold of their shuttle. They enjoyed the privacy for a few more hours before they'd clean it out and hand it over to Kaylee and Simon by way of a wedding present. They all had to make do without money to buy proper gifts for even though they were no long strving thanks to the skills of their cook, they were still skint.

Allie tried to push it from her mind, concentrating on Riverls ministrations under her shirt, which remained. River gently tugged and pinched, drawing keens and sighs from her. She was making love like herself: dominant and gentle, sensual in her younger way but also knowedgable from being together for a long while. They knew what each other's bodies needed.

'It was the cake,' River muttered from between Allie's legs.

'Hmm,' she answered, distracted.

'Sweet. Like kisses and eyes and summers by the ocean,' she lowered her lips to love her again.

'And bears,' Allie stated in a moan, bringing the back of her hand up to her forehead as she fell apart.

River crawled up the bed and lay next to her, head on Allie's flat chest.

'The desire is so strong,' the other girl said, playing with the ends of the white shirt under her head. 'It resonates through all of us. It shakes us to our very core.'

'I'm sure it made for an interesting night for Simon and Kaylee,' Allie panted, still overcome.

'Gross. I can't know that,' River giggled, lightly pinching Allie's stomach.

* * *

Cillian was a silent watcher in the woods, the other side of the wider river. Safely hidden between two enormous trees that inevitably had some insipid name Veronica would know. He could see her there- she was much changed with her healthy glow and wild hair, the way she stood was tall and proud although he was sure she should be neither. He could almost make out the words she was shouting to the hulking black mass in the distance, setting up jars or bottles on crates a good few feet from where she stood. If he wasn't mistaken there was a giggle in her yelling, a jest she had never ventured with him. He was angry for that. She could be so lovely when she thought she was better than she was. How dare she be that for anyone. She needed someone who could show her what she really was worth: nothing.

He watched further as she expertly loaded a small gun the large backbirth had given her, one of his many no doubt. He and his clan were armed to the teeth at all times as the healing graze on his arm had illustrated. He had barely gotten to knock on the door of the Cobb homestead before the painted crone was shooting at him, a hail of bullets assaulting him from both sides as the whores took up arms as well. Savages, the lot of them.

Jayne had seen to arm his whore.

Veronica shot out three of the five jars, her shoulders back and feet apart in a sure stance that told him it was not her first time doing this exercise. Once she was done, she lowered the gun and looked up to the giant, as if for approval. He scooped her up in one motion, her arms wrapping around his neck and he spun her around, loudly congratulating her. His deep voice rattled against the mountains off in the distance, too deep to be swallowed up by the coming gales.

Cillian smiled at the scene, thinking it was a fine thing they get attached. Let them fall in love, even. People in close quarters always ended up fucking or falling in love or both. Please let them, he pleaded to some deity he didn't believe in. It would make his plan all the sweeter. The hardest part would be deciding who to off first. Could he make Jayne pay for his past transgressions so severely or would it do better to destroy any chance of happiness his fiancee had? Her heart was gentle but her mind was steadfast, she could live heartbroken and beat down for years after. He would enjoy that.

Perhaps a fine thing to empty the entire ship: pick the crew off one by one after prolonged torture. Tie her up and make her watch as he executed the men and brutalized the women to death. He could save Jayne for last. The last sentinel of the quiet safe life she thought she was going to be able to have without him. If she would not be bought, she would be subdued. He let out a little chuckle at the thought, his bloodlust painting his entire vision red. Red make him do horrible things, but he would not be denied.

* * *

'Best yet,' Vera exclaimed as she jumped into Jayne's open arms. He spun her around and she laughed loudly into his ear. He was as proud of her growing ability as he was of his proclivity for teaching that he had never explored. His Pop and brothers had taken over his education at age 8, opting for more practical applications of their knowledge like shooting and trapping, hunting and tracking.

'You've stopped apologising to the bottles,' he teased as he set her down, 'so I'd say big improvment.'

They walked back to the ship to put the guns away. Jayne told her that if there was ever any unanticipated trouble she was free to go down and choose her gun from his arsenal, an open invitation he only extended to one other woman before and that one was just as deadly in her bare hands as she was with a gun or axe. She had never needed to take hiim up on the offer, stating if she needed a gun, the rest of them had been dead for days.

The galley was transformed in the short months she had come aboard. Kaylee had done her best with the fading painted vines and flowers, the softness of the yellow paint chosendid little to mask the fact that they were on a ship and not in some cozy cottage at the far end of the Verse. Vera had changed that, drying herbs and plants hung from various hooks in the ceiling, tied together with scrapsof fabric salvaged from rags and discarded clothing. Glass jars and bottles lined the locking cabinets, their handwritten labels in her looping cursive: Pickled Nasturtium, Capers, Plantain, Horehound, Willow Bark, Angelica Root. Bottles of various tinctures sat in bins and baskets, secured with straps: Treacle, Honeysuckle, Violet, Dandelion, Chicory. Rendering the otherwise utilitarian room something of a grotto, it was alive in a way and thei air felt heavy with organic decay. Something smelled green and oversweet in it, like freshly cut grass. It reminded him of the shack style apothecary his Aunt Joanie set up twice a year when she visited the homestead. There were a tray of roots cooling in the middle of the table on a wire rack that gave off a malty, sweet smell. She came into their lives and made everything more bearable. Fed their bodies, eased their souls. Provided friendship and counsel, matchmaker, a new sister and daughter; strange in her own way, as they all were Jayne supposed. A band of misfits, lucky enough to find each other.

'What will you do once he's dead,' Jayne asked suddenly. It dawned on him that she was only there because she was running. She turned with a confused look.

'I hadn't thought about it,' she answered.

She hadn't, if she was honest. It would be safe to go home. She could go back to her village and their little home, work her little magic and care for whatever little ones Melly started to have. A little life for the little hexe of the forest, full of little love. But she had experienced the big wide world now, with its good and bad. Honest criminals that save for a few less bullets would have been heroes. Outlaws on the run, but not on the wrong side. It didn't seem so frightening as it had all those months ago. There was good in most people, she had decided. And the Universe was a wonderful place worth being in.

Then there was the man sat at the table, looking at her curiously. His heavy brow and full lips frowning in anticipation. There was something in her chest that leapt when he was near, it always had but she didn't have a basis for comparision. She thought at first it was fear, he was almost twice her size and obviously deadly. But she observed in the quiet hours they spent together a deepness and gentleness to his actions. The way he joked with Zoe and watched after Kaylee and Inara. He gaurded Mal like a junkyard dog does, ready to strike no matter the detriment to himself. He was standoffish with River, but had times of comfortable camaraderie with the Pilot and a solidarity with the other in that they both calmed her when she went a little off the wall.

'Would you stay,' he finally asked. The long silence obviously disconcerting to him. 'I'd want you to stay.'

'I'd stay.'


	18. Chapter 18

'Fantastic,' Mal threw his chopsticks down into the now empty plate and gave a grimace. 'It's been a few years since we've had a psycho stalking us. We were really due another.'

'Would you rather there be more deadly secrets on this boat,' Simon asked, enraged.

'She needs our help. That's why she came to us in the first place,' River added. 'I told her it was safe.' The Pilot was wide eyed and upset, her hands deep in the food on her plate and fingers flexing. Allie was trying to pry them out and clean them off, but her elbows stayed locked.

'Are you gon chuck me out,' Vera asked, her plate still untouched.

'It's a world of hurt, little one,' Zoe took a long drink from her cup then set it down again. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off.

'And what were you going to do if you hadn't told us, huh,' Mal asked like an angry father. 'Run for the rest of your life?'

'Yes,' she answered in a tight whisper. 'I ain't brave like y'all. I'm not cut from hero's cloth. I was gon run, maybe switching crews a few times.'

'What made you change your mind Meimei,' Kaylee spoke up. She had been listening, sadly quiet and looking over at Inara.

'I don't wanna go,' she finally burst into tears and cradled her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Inara and Kalyee rushed over to each wrap an arm around her. 'I love yall,' she continued to sniff and gasp. 'I love every one of y'all and he said he'd hurt you.' Her shoulders shook violently. She was scared, having heard Mal threaten to Space people or leave them on inhospitable moons.

'Keeping secrets got you hurt once,' Zoe said gently, 'It don't bode well for us either. But the thing is we look after our own.'

Vera had been driven to this, a complete disclosure. After they took off from the Compound, Allie ans Vera sat in the cargo bay an looked through the captures of the wedding weekend. Among the over posed, stiffly dressed and the candid and flush faced were a few pictures the blonde didn't remember taking. The most disturbing being those of Vera sleeping, one arm over her head and face buried in her pillow. Allie denied playing a joke on her, and when one came up of a familiar face in the background of all the merrymakers it made Vera drop the Capture and run off. A quick apology shouted from the catwalk and the short nervous footsteps alerted Allie to something wrong.

Jayne stood silent in the corner of the galley, his famous appetite alluding him. He had made the decision when she came and told him about the Capture that if she was cast out, he was going to. He couldn't leave her, half trained and wholly scared, still not fully healed to the mercy of that monster. His feelings for her aside, he would not give someone else's life up to that man. He had to restrain his desire to carry her off, away from the harsh words and scrutiny, when she had started crying. She cried easily, he had noticed. Most women did, if he recalled correctly. Vera did it in a way that made you think maybe she was crying because she'd been made to be strong for so long.

'So what do we do,' Zoe looked at Mal pleadingly.

'Well we find him before he finds us again, first off,' the Captain answered with a tired sigh. 'We get him somewhere on the ground. That way he can't trap us. You said he knows where we're headed?'

'Yes,' the cook sniffed, wiping her nose on her apron. Inara pulled her closer, tucking the firey head under her chin in a protective gesture.

'Well you know what I say,' he paused, 'if someone tries to kill you, you kill em right back.'

'He's dangerous,' she warned them.

'So are we,' River promised, finally relaxing her hands out of the plate.

'No one will ever hurt you again,' Kaylee added, the memory of The Operative's threat as chilling as if it were new.

'This must be him,' Allie pointed to a faint blip on their tracker. Vera, Mal, and Zoe stood behind the pilot's seat, straining to see. 'He must have top of the line jammers. He's registering as space junk. Our regular system wouldn't have even picked it up. Luckily, River altered this baby.' Allie patted the console affectionately.

'He's not far,' Vera said worriedly, leaning in to take a look.

'But not close enough to board,' Mal assured her. 'Can you get us another day out,' he asked Allie.

'I can get you a half at most without raising suspicion from him,' she said, flipping a switch and giving it a thoughtful look. She depressed a button and spoke into the speaker, 'Kaylee can you get in the engine room? We gotta little burn to do.'

A click and a hiss, then Kaylee's bright voice came through a bit garbled.

'Sure thing,' she chirped and they heard boots pounding on metal.

'Where do we lead him,' Vera asked Zoe.

'We know a place,' she answered cryptically.

* * *

'Full support,' Jayne said when she came back into the galley. She hadn't noticed him sitting in the corner, pushing his knife's blade against a whetstone.

'It seems so,' she relaxed and turned to fill up the sink.

'Guess all that shootin was wasted time.'

'Not entirely,' she picked up a rag and started scrubbing at the serving dish, now caked with the dried remnants of their meal.

'Did ya mean it,' he asked.

'What,' she was concentrating hard on cleaning the large dish, trying to balance and scrub it at the same time.

'When you said you loved us.'

'Of course. I don't say things I don't mean.'

'What about the night Kaylee and Simon got hitched? You mean that too? About bein lonely?'

'Oh yes,' she agreed sadly. 'I meant that.' She could feel him behind her then. His hand hovered over her shoulder, not touching but hanging there like everything she wanted to say, or the smell of their meal, or the implications of the fight they had ahead.

'That why you stay close to me, Spatzi?'

'What answer do you want, Jayne,' she spun, an angry courage building just under her jaw. A hard ball of unspoken loyalty and love, of sorrows and desires unrealized like seeds that failed to sprout. 'Which answer will satisfy you? I like being around you. You make me feel safe and important. You seem to like me fine one minute but then the next you can't bear to look at me. But we could die. He could kill us all and it would not be quick and clean. That's if we're very lucky. I stay close to you because however you look at it, I'm on borrowed time,' a red flush crept across her chest and cheeks.

He just shrugged, not knowing how to say the right thing. How to not just vomit up the words that meant everything to them.

'Don't do this,' she said backing away angrily. 'You are so stubborn sometimes! Baby Jesus I have never met a more obstinate man. Screw how much time you have! You scared of us getting hurt, huh? You scared of hurtin me? Do something,' she was shouting at him again and he mused for someone so at home in the galley she sure did a lot of her arguing in here. Or was it that her courage came from being the one in charge of that little corner of the ship?

'You been through enough,' he said, putting his hands up as if she was about to shoot him. 'Don't need to add being stuck with an old mercenary to that list. You're young, and you're clever, you're just about the prettiest thing I've ever seen. You got a big heart, kid.'

'Do. Not. Talk to me like I am a child,' she shrieked, throwing the rag into the sink of dirty water, making it splash. 'Either you want me or you don't. Either I am a woman or a girl to you. You can't have it both ways. You can't refuse to touch me but get jealous when some polygamist is nice to me.'

'You're lonely,' he said, not entirely believing the words. She had him backed into the corner he had been sitting in, observing her like in the early days. Like he didn't know her.

'I love you. If there is just this one life and if it is about to be cut short, there it is.' Her hands were on her hips and she stood taller than he thought she could with her bird bones and short legs. There were no tears, as he had expected like the times she came to him in the night. Scared and shaking, sad and pleading. She was sure in her statement for some reason that he couldn't think of.

'I am interrupting,' Simon said from one doorway, spinning on his heel and walking away quickly. 'It's fine I heard nothing,' he called back sarcastically.

'Whole gorram Verse heard you two,' Mal said, salty he couldn't use his own galley. 'If I make him say it back can I get a cup of tea?'

'It's fine Mal,' Vera said in an exasperated tone, 'his blank look gave me the answer I needed.' She put the kettle on a burner and lit it as if to say their conversation was over.

Jayne stormed off leaving his knife and whetstone where they lay on the small table in the corner of the room. He was bad at words, often times letting his actions speak for themselves and even then they screamed 'Don't come too close, dangerous.' He had limited success with women, often times seeking out the company of paid affection. Sometimes decent women tried to be with him but he always gave too little and they did not want to change enough to accommodate his obstinance. He hid out in one of the passenger dorms until late in the night cycle, only interrupted by River who had found her way into the vents and happened upon him when looking for her own hiding spot. He wasn't fortunate enough to be able to fit in there.

'You know she'd stay,' River told him, dropping from her hiding spot like a cat landing on her feet.

'She'd stay because there's freedom in the Black. That's why we're all still here.'

'You're dumb.'

'Hey!'

'Not about a lot of things. You know much more than if you had stayed in school. You are a talented gunman, your sniping is unrivalled even by me. That hurt to admit.' He smiled at any admission by River that she wasn't perfect. 'But when it comes to women you are dumb.'

'Coming from you, I ain't too offended.'

'I was in love with you, you know.'

'What? Why didn't you tell me when we was together?'

'I did a number of times. You always grunted and turned over. You don't hear what you don't have any use for, Jayne. You're intelligent design like that.'

'Riv-'

'Oh please,' she waved a hand at him, 'I got over it. The point I was making is that if you heard it, and it disturbed you that means it has use to you. I means something.'

'Was I good to you,' he asked, concerned.

'You were,' she folded her hands in her lap and nodded.

'You fought for us because it was the right thing to do. You want to fight for her because you love her. The heart is always right,' she started to become unfocused.

He got up and let River lay on the passenger bed, pulling the blanket up over her.

'Am I a good man yet,' he asked, petting her hair as her eyes closed.

'I think you always were, deep down.' She yawned and turned over, minutes later she began to snore softly.

* * *

Vera pulled her robe tighter around her body when a head appeared at the her ladder.

'Can we talk,' Jayne asked.

'Come down,' she whispered loudly, tying her robe at the waist tightly. 'Before someone sees you skulking round up there.'

'Don't think there're any more secrets on this ship,' he assured her, using the sides of his boots to slide down the ladder in one motion.

'I don't think there ever were with River here and all. What do you want, Jayne?'

'You,' he answered, crossing the small bunk in two steps, grabbing her by her waist and placing a tentative kiss to her lips. Vera whimpered into the kiss then relaxed after her initial shock.

'I'm go se at talking words,' he said when they had parted, his hand still cupping her face from jaw to just behind her ear.

'Then show me,' she said shakily, drawing his face down to hers again to take another kiss from him. Deeper this time, hungrily pulling on his shirt as if he could get closer to her somehow. She parted to untie her robe, letting it drop to the floor. She stood there in only her flimsy bra and cotton panties. She crossed her arms to shield his view of the x shaped scar, still pink and angry against her milk pale skin.

'Don't hide it,' he knelt, uncrossing her arms and holding then out to her sides. He kissed the damaged flesh there.

'It's ugly,' she lamented trying to move it away from his lips.

'No,' he shook his head and looked up at her, 'You lived. All survivors have scars.'

He stood to as full height as he could in the cramped bunk. It was much like the kitchen in that she had bunches of herbs and flowers hanging from the ceiling. Her walls were lined with neatly hung large yellow flowers, a bin under them to catch the falling seeds. Her wardrobe hung open, showing her military precision in folding and storing her clothing. A small capture of a dark haired woman was on her bedside table, she was sitting on a fencepost and the wind ruffled her skirt slightly. The movement would had been lost if you didn't look at it for more than a minute. She was dressed in much the same style as Vera. She saw where he was staring and touched his arm as she grabbed the picture.

'Melly,' he asked as she handed it over to him.

'Yeah, that's my sister. Pretty ain't she,' she asked in admiration.

'I prefer redheads,' he placed the Capture down and grabbed her, hoisting her up by her buttocks. She let out a shocked cry then a laugh as he kissed her neck. She leaned her head back and gave a contented moan. Her hair hung down behind her, long and soft and begging to be touched. She brought her head back up to look at him, her eyes met his and he wondered if this was the first time they looked at him so lovingly. There was trust there, trust and love were two things that were not plentiful in his life.

'I love you,' she said, kissing him again. Something in him finally broke as he held her closer to him, fisting her hair and burying his face in the soft place where her neck met her shoulder.

'I love you,' he surrendered. 'Heaven help me, I love you.'

'Vera,' they heard Simon call from the open hatch of her bunk. They both groaned, Vera placing a short nailed finger across his lips with a conspiratorial smile.

'Yes Doctor Simon,' she called up, adding: 'I ain't decent, don't come down.'

'I hate to ask,' he began apologetically, 'but I could use help in the infirmary.'

He let Vera down, and she spun quickly to get dressed. There was a different urgency now, as her bare feet quickly disappeared up the ladder, her dress buttoned but just barely. Jayne enjoyed the bounce of her cleavage as her arms worked for a moment. He followed her up, giving Simon a look that could kill.

'What's wrong,' she asked the Doctor, concerned. Her face was deeply creased on the forehead, all evidence of the bliss she had been in completely erased.

'It's Zoe,' he explained, shocking the two of them as he lead them to the infirmary. Jayne waited outside it while Vera stood beside the Doctor as he went through the details of Zoe's condition.

'She's had a panic attack,' Simon said and motioned to the bed. Zoe sat catatonic, wide eyed but limp.

'Zoe,' Vera sat next to her, taking a clammy hand. 'Zoe, meine liebe. It's Vera. Can I do anything for you?' The woman remained unmoving.

Vera took up a stethoscope and placed it to her chest, shaking her head.

'Heart's racing,' she told Simon.

'Yeah,' he agreed, handing her a piece of paper. 'Blood pressure is high too, which are normal after a panic attack.'

'What was she doing when she had it,' she asked Mal who was sat on the auxiliary bed, hands in his lap and head down.

'We were talkin about the plan,' he answered.

'Anything particularly stressful,' she prodded, trying to suss the situation.

'We're going to the moon her husband died on,' River came in and told them angrily. ' What did you think she was going to do? Book a holiday to the place her heart died?'

'Okay,' Vera said, 'thank you River. Can you grab the basket by the sink for me? The one with the purple cloth.'

'I'm the doctor,' Simon argued, rummaging for a soother.

'This isn't a medical condition,' she argued back, nearly closing his fingers in the drawer.

'A panic attack is. Catatonia is.'

'This ain't true catatonia. She's heartbroken. It's a spiritual sickness,' she raised her voice. 'You give her those an her heart will burst, or she'll have a brain bleed.'

'You are not a doctor, you're a cook,' he matched her volume. 'I saved your life.' Vera's angry expression softened.

'Why did you call me in here then,' she asked.

'I was hoping you had some kind of medical training, not backwoods weeds.'

'Hey,' Mal stopped them, 'both of you, shut up.' Zoe moved on the bed. She blinked a few times and looked around, disoriented.

'Hell,' the warrior said. 'What happened?'

'Just a wobble,' Vera assured her.

'You had a panic attack,' Simon diagnosed over Vera. 'You went catatonic for a while, but blood pressure is raised. I want you to stay in here for the night so I can monitor you. Vera wanted to use her remedies which I admit would calm you but would do nothing for your blood pressure. In fact, some could raise it.'

'So could chemical soothers,' she accused him.

'Listen to the Doc little one,' Zoe told her. 'Don't worry I'll be right as rainfall tomorrow. Could you make me some of that red flower tea, though? Would it interact with the meds?'

'It should be fine,' Simon assured her.

'Of course Zoe,' Vera let go of her hand and headed to the galley, River followed close behind, still carrying the basket.

'He can be stubborn,' his sister admitted to the cook. 'Neither of you were wrong. Were you having lovely sex?'

'What,' she asked, taken aback but then remembering who she was talking to. 'Not yet.'

'You don't need to be scared. Generous, well endowed,' River placed the heavy basket on the table and held her fingers a good distance apart in a gesture Vera hoped was exaggeration. 'Pleasant.'

'I might faint,' she faked a swoon, turning to the stove. She placed five Hibiscus flowers in a small teapot and boiled water.

* * *

Jayne was waiting in her bunk for her, sat on her bed and reading through one of the handwritten books that served as a field journal a few generations back. It had been illustrated by travelling Gotterhaus women, detailing plants and roots safe to use, what grew where and when. She had studied the grimoire from a young age and no longer needed to reference it, but she liked the feel of the book's green leather cover and fuzzy edged pages worn soft by the recipients.

'I don't know if I'm up for it now. I'm dead tired,' she admitted.

'It's okay if yer not,' he put the book down. 'I just wanted to be in here, with you. If he's so close like Allie says, I'd feel better if you stuck by me. Nothin has to happen tonight.'

They lay down on the narrow bed, Jayne's feet hitting the wall at the end of it. He bent his knees and turned on his side, facing her. She moved closer until her head was just at the hollow of his chest.

'Remember the story you told me on Beylix,' she asked him sleepily. 'How does it end?'

'Maia falls from the night sky,' he said. 'She walks with the people for a while. Until the night sky comes down to the land in the form of a big wolf with one eye, the eye is the Compass Star. The night sky follows Maia for a while, letting her enjoy her last days on land. He falls in love with the black eyed goddess and the care she bestows on the animals and people of the land. So when it is time to bring her back, you know what the one eyed wolf does?'

There was silence from Vera, her breathing had evened out signalling she had fallen asleep.

'He stays by her,' he finished the story and pressed a long kiss to her hair, breathing in her sharp herbal smell.


	19. Chapter 19

Far too early the lights in her bunk faded up. She had Allie program them for an hour earlier than everyone else's so she had time to prepare breakfast. She turned into the warm body next to her, scratching her nose against the hard chest that continued to rise and fall with the heaviness of a deep sleep. She snorted as she yawned once, trying to muffle it as to not wake her bedmate. As she opened her eyes, they adjusted slowly to the still comparatively dim light. The rest of the ship would be full bright by now. Allie favoured Summer cycles.

She moved to get up when two large arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her flush to the lightly dozing mass.

'Stay,' he said half sleeping, half pleading.

'I have to do breakfast,' she apologised, removing his arms one after another with little resistance. 'You don't have to be up for an hour, sleep.' As she left she could have sworn she saw the big man pull the blanket to him, and wrap himself around it. It still contained her scent.

She climbed up, shielding her eyes against the full bright. In the months she had been on board her eyes never got used to how different the light was on the ship. It was as if they needed to be twice as bright to prevent being swallowed up by the Void that surrounded them. There were times she thought through a crack in the hull that all the light would be sucked out. A chip in the windshield could see them left airless floating in the deep dark. Kaylee had assured her no such crack or chip existed, and that the fears allayed after a while.

The creeping darkness was always on her mind. It was getting closer. An hour for each day, he accelerated and they accelerated.

She found Mal and Allie talking in the galley, speaking rushed and low in some conversation that ceased when she walked in.

'Guten Morgen,' she greeted them, plucking her apron off of where it lay on the table between them. 'How's Zoe this morning?'

'She's better, thanks,' Mal said. 'Slept like a rock. Listen, meimei. We got somethin to tell you.'

'Okay,' she said nervously, sinking into the chair next to Allie.

'Allie,' Mal motioned to the pilot.

'We gotta refuel,' the blonde told her. 'Our burns are using up more fuel than I thought on account of all the start and stop. Which means we gotta replenish.'

'But-'

'I know a guy on this tiny moon, Electra,' Allie went on to explain. 'We have a code for emergencies. It can't be cracked. He knows we're coming, he knows we're being tailed.'

'Well,' Vera said, getting up to start cooking, anything to keep her hands and mind busy. She let the rest of her thought die on her tongue, dissolved like sugar.

'When do we drop our burn,' Mal continued, asking Allie.

'I'll drop us soon, before everyone wakes up. We make a sharp turn then. This Cillian guy will probably pass by us. If he does that's 68 hours we get on the ground with his speed.'

* * *

Electra was barren, all dusty streets and dry trees with pathetic desiccated brown leaves. Vera sighed and put her basket down, she wouldn't be needing it.

'Hey flygirl,' a thin man, built like a marionette waved at them. The pilot's eyes lit up as she waved back.

'Howdy jetboy,' she called back, setting off running to meet him. She leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. River stood with her arms on her hips and laughing at them.

'Get over here,' the lanky man motioned to the other pilot and she obliged. He set Allie down and pulled River into a fierce hug. 'So good to finally meet you.' He looked up from his revelry to assess the rest of the crew.

'I heard y'all running out of gas,' he smiled, one arm around each pilot. Vera couldn't help but notice the girls looked like two sides of the same coin. 'I can help ya out there.'

'We don't got much time,Mr...uhhh,' Mal faltered.

'No names,' the man waved his hand. 'Just call me Jetboy, Tight Pants.' He looked at the rest of the crew: 'okay I need Tall Boots, Behemoth, and Shiny there to help me hook this baby up.'

Zoe, Jayne, and Kaylee looked at each other and stepped forward. 'Red, Stiff Shirt,' he pointed at Vera and Simon, 'that house there,' he swung his arm to motion to a one storey house in this distance, 'my wife Goldie is in there. She's gon put y'all up for the night. Go give her a hand makin up the beds. Lopside and Flygirl will show you the way.' River touched the shaved part of her head and smiled, nodding at her alias.

Allie gave the man a kiss on the cheek and she pulled River along the path, expecting them to follow. Vera looked back at Jayne.

'I'll be along,' he assured her, resting a hand on her shoulder. 'Stay with them.' She nodded and followed, sticking close to Simon.

'Stiff Shirt,' he scoffed, shifting his medical case from one hand to another.

'Who is he,' Vera asked Allie.

'A friend from way back,' she answered as they walked the three steps up to the house, which upon further inspection sprawled far bigger than it looked from a distance. 'He got this place in a land grab after the Miranda disaster. Folks was flying farther and farther out after the Reavers were all executed. He's been runnin this outpost as long as I knew him.'

'Reavers were real,' she asked.

'Too real,' Simon said with a shudder.

A dark skinned woman answered the door. She was short and well built, with wide hips and high breasts. She had a child on her hip and one strapped to her back, tied with what looked like a shawl. Her hair was light, falling somewhere between Zoe's rich chocolate shade and Kaylee's honey hair but her eyes bore the answer to her codename. Points of brilliance against her russet skin, the light of late afternoon caught them just so, making her golden eyes glow.

'Hey Flygirl,' she greeted Allie, 'yall must be with Starry Eyes. She came up, brought a heck of a lot of luggage for one night. Come through, I got tea on the go. I'm Goldie.' She lead them through to the kitchen where Inara sat at the table, a chunky clay mug in her delicate hands. She jumped up when she saw them.

'What names did he give you,' she asked excitedly, like a little girl opening a present.

'Lopside,' River said pointing to her interesting haircut.

'Flygirl,' Allie said proudly.

'Red,' Vera half asked.

'Stiff Shirt,' Simon groaned out looking at the floor.

'Captain is Tight Pants,' River giggled to her. Inara laughed out at that.

'Well Goldie here has offered to put us all up for the night for a very reasonable price.'

'Let me at least feed y'all then,' Vera offered firmly.

'No need Red,' Goldie said, trying to untie the shawl around her middle to free the sleeping baby. Allie moved to help her, taking the older child off of her and handing him to Vera. 'Y'all sort out your sleeping arrangements and as soon as the others are back with Jet we can sit and eat.'

* * *

He raged in the small cockpit of his ship. Cillian had lost them. One minute they were on his visuals, clear as day and then the next they had disappeared as if swallowed by a black hole. He switched frequencies, WAVEd the weigh station three days out. He thought perhaps they had burned ahead, on some anonymous errand or to make some unknown deadline. They weren't scheduled to come through.

So that left him tearing at his hair with his tightly balled fists, smashing anything that dare get in his way. He was prone to rages, he acknowledged. When he was a child anytime something was denied him he would act out- shoving over relics from Earth-that-was his mother so proudly displayed and drowning his sister's kitten when it had clawed his favourite book. He vowed that when he got to Vera, she would suffer twice as much as she claimed to have already.

Thoughts of how he would board then ship calmed him. He ran through each crew member. Slipping in, dead of their night cycle and starting first with the newlyweds. The Tam bastard could die quick, spraying his pretty wife with his lifeblood. Bound and gagged, he would lay Kaywinnit out on the cargo bay floor, preferably naked and shivering. He could work his way down the row of bunks, killing and beating who he saw fit. And when he finally got to her, he would make the giant watch as he took her until she broke. His last vision in life of her, red and ruined her sex dripping blood onto the floor before him; her blood mixing with his as he slit the man's throat with his fine stiletto. Finer metal than that hick had ever touched.

He felt himself get hard at the thought of it. Killing and raping, like the ancient Vikings whose blood ran in his veins, diluted only by the fading myth but just as firey in his bloodlust. He could keep Vera then, not as a wife like he had intended. No, she wouldn't be fit for that then. She could service him for a while until she either succumbed to her injuries or her mind broke down, leaving her body able to endure but a babbling mess otherwise. He would then put her out of her misery. After all, he wasn't a complete monster. Her death would be bittersweet for him; redheads were so hard to find.

The shattered screen blinked to life, a faint dot appearing at the edge of the radar. He screamed at it, half anger half ecstasy. She was back.

* * *

'I can sleep in the kitchen,' Jayne offered when everyone retired for the night. Their dinner had filled them, but he found it unsatisfying and lacking in the fulfilment he had become accustomed to. There were none of the normal post meal dazes that they usually had, and he had to admit he missed the time they would sit around the table all silent and feeling.

He was standing in the doorway of the room Vera claimed, his kit bag in his hand and shifting from foot to foot.

'Why would you do that,' she asked, unfolding a nightgown from her quilted bag. A small fire roared in the fireplace, glinting dully off the tarnished brass bed. Everyone had paired off in rooms, leaving the two of them at odd ends while Zoe slept on the ship.

'Well uhh,' he searched for the words, 'you got sensibilities.'

'Do not,' she argued, smiling and arms crossed over her chest.'I didn't have much room for them in my life...all things considered.'

'No, spose you didn't.'

'And I much prefer sharing a bed, truth be told,' she said, trying to sound nonchalant and doing a terrible job. 'With you.'

'I know we said things-'

'I meant it, still do. Listen, I ain't askin for a commitment or forever. I don't need platitudes or sweet words. I jus want to spend what time I might have left with you.'

'You're talkin like yer dyin,' he set his bag down and moved to touch her arm but she turned to him sharply.

'If he gets any of us, we're as good as dead. He's dangerous.'

'So are we,' he echoed River's promise. 'He won't get you, hear?'

'You love me,' she asked looking up at him, the firelight making her face half shadowed. She placed a flattened hand on his chest, just over his heart.

'Tried not to,' he defended, reaching out to brush his fingers through her hair. It reflected the flames, making her look like she had just stepped out from the hearth; risen from the fire. 'But yeah, I do.'

'Then show me,' she pulled him down to her, their lips crashed as he pulled her closer to him. He lifted her up so their hips met and she used that momentum to swing her legs around him, locking her ankles.

They had missed the fire her cooking was known to create, and he kissed her like it was something inside of her that did it. Only she could make him feel anything now. She glowed red, like hot irons or those strange prickly fruits she made him try one day. She tasted like marzipan and stewed apples, comforting and exotic at the same time. Something earthy and wholesome that his life had missed so gravely.

He lay her back on the bed, still positioned above her and looking down at her panting chest. She reached for the buttons on her top, frowning in concentration as she tried to undo them.

'Let me,' he reached for them as he supported himself on his elbows. He undid them with surprising finesse for someone with such large hands. The blouse fell open to reveal her flimsy bra, worn practically see through by either time or design he didn't know. Her nipples stiffened at the exposure to air. 'Oh I could eat you up, Spatzi,' he growled in approval as he lifted her skirts and rolled her panties down.

Her legs started to shake at the contact of his calloused fingers to the sensitive skin of her thigh.

'Shhhhhh,' he raised his head back into her ear. 'It's me, remember? I won't hurt you.'

'Sorry, can't help it,' she gave a choked whisper. 'I want to. I want you, Grosser Bär. So bad.'

'You got me,' he told her, kissing down her body to the waistband of her skirt. 'I'm gon make you feel good, bao bei.' He lowered his head to under her skirts and kissed the scarred skin there, inhaling her scent. He could feel himself moved by it and wondered why no other woman had moved him so immediately.

He bathed her swollen sex with his tongue, tasting her in the place no one had ever loved so thoroughly. She was new, he could feel as his tongue caught the hard nub that sent electricity through her body. Her hips bucked the first time he traced lightly over it, her hands played in his hair, applying the smallest pressure to the back of his head.

He felt her muscles start to tighten, she went very still and she pushed his head away from her hips suddenly.

'Up here,' she motioned with her hands. He stood, undoing his belt and slipping his trousers off, letting them fall to the floor with a clatter of oversized belt buckle and hidden knives. He did not wear anything under them, she found. He positioned his hips between her legs and leaned up to kiss her.

Vera could taste herself caught in his beard and she had to admit she didn't hate the way the sourness of his mouth melded with her salty taste. There was something erotic and meaningful in it. She could feel something satisfyingly long an thick press against her thigh. She inhaled quickly as it pressed against her entrance, sensitive from the rush of blood.

'Um,' Jayne started embarrassed, 'it's kinda big.'

'I know,' she said, angling her hips so the lips of her opening could catch the tip. 'It's you. You're kinda big,' she smiled as she pushed toward him when he lifted himself up to remove his shirt.

He settled inside of her a lot more easily than either of them expected, both letting out contented sighs. There was no pain there, Vera noticed happily as they began to move as if trading blows. His height made kissing in that position impossible, her head nestled into his shoulder and his back hunched. She wrapped her legs around him, entreating him deeper. She wanted him sunk to the hilt in her, like he was chasing out any trace of Cillian. She would happily let him set up a home in there if it meant it always felt like this. It didn't feel new or frightening, there was no dread. It felt familiar and warm, and as a pressure built up between her hips she dug her heels into his buttocks, making him thrust even deeper.

His breathing became ragged as his hips moved more erratically. They no longer could keep the slow, long pace of their blows. Her muscles fluttered around him and that was when he came completely undone, giving one final push he could feel where she ended as he tried not to call out her name. She moaned softly, arching her back. His pulses intensified instead of dying off like and ebb of the tide. They came on, sending shivers up his back, until they finally ceased completely. She was under him, her aftershocks carrying her through another orgasm as he stayed inside her, still hard.

'Unglaublich,' she breathed out, kissing his neck as he rolled off of her to lay next to her. She turned on her side to face him and smiled. 'Incredible.'

'That's a word,' he said agreeably, taking her hand and clutching it to his bare chest.

'Want to go again,' she asked with a giggle, slipping off her skirt and open shirt. She sat up to unhook her bra. They both laid there naked on top of the Spartan yet comfortable bed.

'I'm old,' he chuckled back as she rested her head on his chest. 'I don't recover as fast.'

'You're not old,' she licked his nipple playfully.

'We got early take off tomorrow. There's a long flight to this moon we're trappin him on,' he helped her up and folded the thick quilts down. 'But feel free to stay naked. Gorammit, woman. You are just about the most beautiful sight my tired ol eyes have ever seen.' It almost physically hurt him to turn her down. His stomach twisted at the way she looked completely bare.

'Much obliged,' she slipped between the starched sheets, happy for his warmth next to her. He wrapped himself around her, engulfing her in his massive arms. 'Ich liebe dich,' she managed before falling asleep.

'Love ya too, Spatzi.'


	20. Chapter 20

Vera could count the number of nights she slept soundly in the past year on one hand and have most of the fingers left over. She stretched happily, arms up over her head and added a third to that list. She circled her ankles and wrists as she opened her eyes. The curtains had been pulled back, and she was greeted by glorious sunshine and clear blue skies.

The calm before the storm, she thought. She recalled a saying that River often muttered.

She reached over to find the other side of the bed vacant, the only sign he had ever been there was an indent in the pillow and his boots next to the bed. Vera hugged the empty pillow to her, reminded of the warning her Oma had given her on the fickle hearts of men. She breathed in his peaty smell of slightly dirty hair, gun oil, and earth.

The door opened suddenly, startling her from her thoughts.

'Hey you're up,' Jayne greeted, setting a mug of steaming coffee on her bedside table. 'Goldie made breakfast at first light. She was up earlier than you!'

'Seems she wasn't the only one,' Vera smiled when he sat on the bed and kissed her. She reached for the mug and took a long pull of the pleasantly strong brew.

'When was the last time you got to sleep past sunrise,' he asked divesting himself of his clothing and getting back in bed.

'Mmmmmm, I may have been ten,' she answered as he kissed her neck. She started to slide her leg over his, and he in turn grabbed her hips, settling her on top of him. The blanket fell from her and she felt Jayne inhale sharply at the sight. 'We can't stay in bed all day,' she protested half-hearted as he cupped her breasts.

'You can't,' a voice said from the door. They both turned, Vera's only preservation of modesty being Jayne's hands on her chest and the blanket pooled around them. She turned redder than her hair when she saw who was standing there. Mal stumbled backward as he shielded his eyes. 'Breakfast is ready,' he said quickly. 'Please, please...get dressed. Oh for the love of God get dressed.' He walked off as if blinded, letting out a barking laugh at the end of the hall.

'I might actually die of embarrassment,' she covered her face with her hands.

'It'll teach him to knock,' Jayne suggested hopefully.

They sat side by side at the table, as they always had. There was something different about them this morning, Inara observed. They sat angled toward each other in the slightest way, Vera's cheeks flushed on and off at seemingly random intervals. She smiled and sipped the tea Goldie had poured out.

'Um, Red,' Inara addressed the cook. 'Did you sleep well, love?'

'Very well, jiejie,' the redhead buttered a piece of slightly stale brown bread. Inara saw her take a tentative bite and chew slowly, looking at Jayne worriedly.

'And Behemoth, dear,' Inara grinned. 'Was the bed big enough?' Vera coughed and spluttered crumbs of bread on the table before her, the large man patted her on the back and pushed a glass of water to her.

'I think Starry Eyes should mind her own business,' Mal drank his coffee angrily if that was possible.

'I was just enquiring how two of our crew spent the long cold night, darling Tight Pants,' she giggled and took another dainty sip as if in victory. She knew. She always knew those looks.

'We slept fine,' Allie piped up, trying to take some of the focus off of the obviously uncomfortable trio.

'We did too,' Simon gave everyone a long suffering look. 'Thank you Goldie, Jet for accommodating us at such short notice.'

Everyone echoed his thanks. Inara leaned in and whispered to Kaylee, 'shuttle time once we're back in the Black.' Kaylee nodded her head in agreement.

'Anytime, Stiff Shirt,' Jet clapped him on the shoulder and shot a wink over to Jayne.

* * *

'Well that is the most uncomfortable I've ever been without my Ma in the room,' Jayne remarked as they packed their bags, ready to go back in the ship. Vera looked at him through the mirror as she brushed her hair.

'River assured me it's impossible to die of embarrassment. Her brother is living proof,' she smiled at him watching her. He grabbed both bags in one hand and walked over to her, he dropped a kiss to her shoulder.

'See,' he asked, giving her a confident smile that she knew well. It was the same one his arrest warrants, the one he used when he was pleased with himself. 'We're golden. Hurry along, though. Tight Pants says we got a schedule to keep.' She laughed as he left. Her eyes followed where he had exited and she let out a big breath. Things had been intense last night and that morning. He had made her feel free, like she was a normal woman who was able to enjoy her life and fall in love as it suited her. The weight of the past decade seemed to lift off of her when he loved her so thoroughly.

She was surprised when she found herself craving him, like one did with coffee first in the morning or some of the shaky whores that came to her Momma for certain controlled remedies. Vera knew the dangers of too much of a good thing and thought for a moment perhaps it was a good thing they had separate bunks. Neither of them would sleep.

'Sex is a drug,' River said from the shared bathroom between the two bedrooms. 'Dopamine, serotonin...they are accessed via drugs or exercise or sex.' She swung a small black bag over her shoulder.

'Oh goodness, Lopside,' Vera said, dropping the brush, startled.

'You never felt good, did you,' she asked.

'Not before yesterday no,' Vera answered hesitantly. She would have denied it to anyone but River, because she always knew the truth. She probably knew who Jet was but wasn't betraying the confidentiality of the secrets Allie kept for his sake.

'When this is over, give in,' River said, resting her chin on Vera's shoulder.

'I don't know if I could.'

'We kill the bogeyman, then you're free from fear. Freedom from Fear used to be a basic human right. We messed it up somehow. Freedom to love never was, though.'

'That seems awful.'

'Loving who you want without apology is still a revolutionary act. You're a rebel like us now,' River and Vera walked arm and arm back to the ship in quiet reflection, the former nodding at the latter's thoughts once in a while.

* * *

'And closer and closer and closer and closer,' Cillian muttered at the cracked monitor. 'I'm nearly there, you WHORE,' he screamed leaning forward in his seat and gripping the sides of the display, flecks of spit spraying all over it, running down the cracks. The air that cycled through his filters smelled faintly sweet. He didn't know where it came from, but the smell reminded him of that overgrown patch of scrub behind his family's estate when he was a child. The rotten smell emanating from it attributed to the still undiscovered remains of the first girl to reject him. He had loved his sister, unfortunately she had not loved him back. He had his way after he had strangled the life from her. His parents gave a good search for a few years, and the winter he turned 19 they finally gave up the search. That summer the rotten smell from the scrub was so strong they talked about having it cleared. Luckily it never came to pass, her skeleton still rested there to this day. There was an empty grave with her eternal teenaged face smiling from the Capture stone that marked it.

Had he not been so ill as a child, perhaps the drug therapy would had worked. Perhaps he'd be capable of feeling pain, compassion...it was empathy, he recalled the whispered word heard through his parents' bedroom door. They had been desperate, signing him up for drug trial after drug trial, nothing stuck before the PAX. If he had not been so preoccupied with chasing Veronica, he would had remembered his injections. It was too late for that all now. He was too far gone, and besides he refused to have his senses dulled when he finally got them.

They said PAX wasn't addictive but its withdrawl did have certain side effects. He was going to use that to his advantage

'Oh you will bleed,' he promised to the Void that surrounded the ship, 'You will scream and you will beg for death. My love,' he petted the broken glass, slicing his finger open, ' I promise you, it will be hard won.' He turned his hand over, smiling at where the blood pooled in his palm.

'Closer and closer and closer and closer,' he laughed as he lapped it up.*

* * *

'When he lands,' Allie was walking them through her grounding plan for the moon they were headed to that once belonged to an erstwhile ally, 'we turn these on,' she turned a dial and signalled to River to do the same. 'They'll scramble his main CPU, making take off impossible. It'll also put his ship in lockdown, the atmo will void and hopefully subdue him.'

'He's unhinged,' Vera warned from the corner of the bridge she was stood in, twisting her apron. 'There's somethin not right about him. It's his eyes, you know? They're...dead.' Simon wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her arm as she shivered.

'We're not exactly sane,' River said, smiling incongruous to her statement.

'We go in,' Zoe told them, detailing the second part of the plan. 'We cut through the weak point here,' she took the proffered plans from Kaylee and laid them across the Pilot's console and pointed to a part of the ship. Kaylee circled around the tall woman and moved her finger an inch higher. 'And Jayne goes in. Mal you and me are backup, armed to the teeth. We treat this guy like a Reaver. Jayne you take him prisoner.'

'Those ships are fancy as far as trackin and accessories go but they're built from that newfangled plastic heavy go se. Won't take more than a torch set to white heat,' the Mechanic explained.

'We're bringin him aboard,' Vera asked, alarmed.

'We hafta, Meimei,' Mal said, pulling her into his side. 'We gotta burn the ship with our thursters to melt the serials off then we'll strip and space him somewhere beyond the Miranda cloud. We can't turn him in. You said it yourself, he owns most every law man that matters. The electrical storms should hide him as soon as he gets into atmo. No one will know.'

'It's the only way,' Inara agreed from where she sat, straightbacked against the wall by the windshield. 'Kaylee has reinforced the brig.'

'We strip him first,' Vera suggested firmly. 'He has special pockets sewn into his clothes. He likes knives.' She shuddered at the memories.

Simon went through his part of the plan to keep the prisoner sedated, conscious but calm with a mix of opiates that in any other circumstance would be addicting. It didn't seem they needed to worry about the long term effects. In spite of what the man may have done Simon said he thought it was a good idea if they put him under before spacing him, if only for the safety reasons.

'Can't we just induce paralysis,' Vera asked.

'I don't have anything for that without using the gurney,' he answered, curiously. 'Why?'

'I want him to be fully aware of what's happening,' she replied, her eyes boring holes into the doctor. 'I need him lucid.'

'Meimei,' the Companion stood to place a hand on her shoulder. 'Surely you don't mean that.'

'I do,' Vera looked to Jayne. 'I may have somethin that does the trick.'

She walked hurriedly to the kitchen, searchng her shelves for a specific jar. In the back of a bottom cupboard, along with her pennyroyal and belladonna was a jar of strong spirit with leaves and flowers steeped in it for four months.

'Bird's Foot,' Jayne had followed her and was reading the label over her shoulder. 'What the hell, Vera? Why do you have this?!'

'Lotus Corniculatus contains cyanide,' River explained. 'If he ever got her again...'

'I was going to take it if he ever got at me,' she admitted. 'I have foxglove too.'

'Vera,' the Companion gasped from the entrance to the galley, holding Mal's arm.

'What,' she asked. 'Would you die at the hands of a sadistic psycho or on your own terms? I take my own. At least I can control that.'

'Okay no more shoutin,'Mal ordered. 'Simon can you test it, see how much he would need?'

'Mal this goes against everything-' Simon started

'Just test it, Doctor. That's an order.'

'Give as good as you get,' River said to no one.

* * *

'I'm sorry,' she told Jayne tearfully. 'I made those before I even knew yall would help me.'

'Yer keepin poisons, Vera. How do you think that makes me feel,' he shouted as he paced the common area. She sat on the couch twisting her apron in a familiar gesture.

'I wasn't going to take them! They were a last resort. I couldn't bear it again, I just couldn't.'

'Exenuating circumstances only,' River added, braiding and unbraiding a few strands of her hair.

She had just wanted a sure-fire way out. Vera had vowed when she left that a decade of rape and other abuses was enough. If Cillian took her again she was going to make sure she wasn't alive to endure.

The resulting meal later that cycle had been earthy and green. Green like envy and betrayal, Zoe had thought. It stuck to the rooves of their mouths, got caught in their throats like thistles. Grassy and bitter, leaving them bereft of something they couldn't pin down. That night couples went to bed back to back where they would have normally been in each other's arms. Jayne found Vera sitting on the bridge for her watch, they were still a week out from where they needed to be. She continued her knitting even though her change in posture told him she heard him.

'You're not due for a few more hours,' she said, in a clipped voice. Her metal needles clacked coldly against each other, the wool was a loud scratch over the rough callous on her thumb.

'I just,' Jayne faltered when her tone became short. He was so unused to it from her that it seemed wrong. Her lyrical voice and way of talking, her endless singing and chattering had become a comforting background noise just like the constant hum of the ship. When she was quiet he felt uneasy. 'I'd save you, you know. I'd get to you in time.'

She spun the chair to face him, 'It's not that simple,' she answered his proclamation sadly.

He got knees in front of her, stilling her hands so they discarded her knitting and were free to take in his. 'You...you survived so much. And, without you...the,' he paused trying to find the right way to say it. 'The fact that yer here, alive. It makes the Verse a better place. This universe is dark enough. None of us are gon let that man snuff you out.'

'It was before I knew that.'

'But, on this moon,' he shook her hands with his to emphasise his point, 'don't give up, dong ma? Nothin is ever as hopeless as it seems.'

'I didn't get where I am by giving up, Jayne.'

'Course not,' he kissed her head as he got up. 'I'll always come for you, Spatzi.'

When his watch ended, he dropped down into her bunk in a now familiar movement. They made love slowly, both in a half dream. Soft noises and lingering kisses punctuated with long deep thrusts ripped up the brambles in their minds and throats. Clearing the hooked thorns that had grown over their hearts. Healing the deep cuts assumptions had made on both of them. There was promise in it.

Vera she didnt need the promise of forever, she wasn't looking for comittment. She just wanted him to love her, and he felt he was doing a fair job of it. He made himself a silent promise that if they lived through this and she would have him, he would like to bring her to Sunday dinner again. See her stomach the bland food and field the conversation. He'd like to bring her back to his Ma as more than a homesick friend.

'Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou,' they both murmured between teary kisses and grabbing hands. Bitten lips and twined legs, like the bindweed that choked even the thorniest of invasive flora. They fell asleep mid kiss, her arms round his thick hewn neck and his hands engulfing her sparse waist. Their lips barely parted, even as they began to twitch with deep sleep.

* * *

He took one of his fine knives to his belly, making a thin line in one direction. Parallel to it, he formed another. Through the layer of separated skin he stuck a thick metal bar. It didn't hurt, nothing ever hurt.

Cillian saw this as practice. He would string them up by the flesh on their backs, hanging like cuts of meat in a backwater butcher. He laughed at the thought: rebels and mercenaries, sons and daughters, sisters, whores, all hung together as a captive audiance to his theatre of terror. Or participants? He liked that even more.

Through the layers of skin, he now sufficiently separated from his body, he put his failsafe. The bomb. On the off chance his frenzy did not carry him through and they captured him, he would depress the button and send them all into oblivion.

It would be unsatisfying, but it would have to do. He was reluctant to close the deep cuts, liking the feel of the raw edges of his flesh. He ran his open wound against the slice on his finger. The effect was almost sensual, lovely. He had six days, perhaps the sutures could wait.

* * *

* AN: the guest reviewer beat me to it, haha. Of course there was a reason he's so awful. Wrote this last night, posted it this morning. Thanks again to everyone following and reviewing! Love you all!


	21. Chapter 21

Four nights now, River could feel it all around her, seeping in through the air vents. It was sickly sweet like rose Turkish delight, sticky as trapping nectar for unwitting flies. It was attacking her skin, lungs, eyes- any soft tissue it could get. She had to sit up, she couldn't breathe. Everything in her vision was turning psychedelic colours of blues reds and oranges.

'Hey Moongirl,' Allie sat up with her. 'Bad dreams again?'

'If it was only a dream,' she said, eyes unfocused and her heart racing. Her throat was scratchy like she had smoked too many of the cigarettes Jayne sometimes let her pick from his pocket when they were out. Her tongue had a rough patch in the middle, the antithesis of an oasis in the middle of her mouth. 'Say it three times. I've got your baby...'

'Pickin up on something,' the other girl asked, worry touching her voice.

'They didn't get them never get them all. They are us! You can dress them up, see? Dress them, educate them...create them. They have names and live among us. When day turns to night the windows become mirrors. Black mirrors...'

'What's that?'

'A black mirror. Reflects the human but not. The monster. Baby blue, blue baby,' River continued to babble. Allie hit the comm, dialling Simon's shuttle.

'She's nonsensical, I can't make it out,' she said into the speaker, keeping her tone low and soothing as she worked the comm with one hand, rubbing River's back with the other.

'I can't breathe,' she gasped, shaking hands reaching up for her throat. 'I'm going to die,' she tried to sob but was too choked.

'Hey,' Allie tried to pry the other's hands away from her own neck to see what was happening. 'Riv let go, bao bei. You're gon hurt yourself,' the two girls struggled on the bed, knocking over the bedside lamp with their flailing legs. Allie had one leg either side of River's body, trying to prise her hands away.

River threw her lover off of her, sitting up ramrod on the bed. Her eyes glazed full black and every vein in her head and neck detailed against her red skin.

'I WILL BURN THE SOUL FROM YOU! I WILL EAT YOUR HEART OUT!' She fell back limp on the bed, chest still working heavily, the flush chased from her face and leaving it linen white.

Allie screamed for Simon again, louder and out the open hatch on their bunk. Mal came down in one swoop, not bothering to use the ladder. Simon followed shortly after, Allie saw Kaylee and Zoe stick their heads down but stay out of the crowded bunk.

Mal lifted her from the bed, her head lolling back and forth as if she was trying to regain consciousness.

'He's close,' she whispered dryly as she was carried past Vera in the hall on the way to the infirmary.

Inara rushed in from the bridge, refusing to sit when Zoe offered her a seat. In an unfamiliar movement, she brought her thumb up to her mouth and chewing the nail there.

'She's sedated,' Simon informed them as they watched through the observation windows of the infirmary. Her chest still laboured and she was still very pale, almost as pale as Allie who sat next to the bed, her head in her hands. She slept in a drug induced coma.

'What happened,' Inara asked, lowering her hand from her mouth, as if she didn't realize she was doing it. She shook it once.

'She just woke up,' Allie said coming out of the infirmary. 'She was talking about mirrors and monsters. Blue babies. I don't know then she just...screamed. But she didn't look like River. She didn't even look human. Told me she were gon eat my heart.'

'Nightmares again,' Kaylee suggested sadly.

'Said it wasn't a dream,' Allie answered her.

'It's never just a dream with River,' Zoe added. 'When she's up think we could get some sense out of her?'

'Possibly, if she remembers at all,' Simon said.

'What about you, little one,' Mal asked Vera, 'mean anything to you?'

'No sir,' she answered, pulling her robe tighter around her and staring into the brightly lit infirmary. 'She did tell me he was closer, though. Jus now when you brought her in there.'

'Is she limited by proximity,' Inara asked Simon.

'Not necessarily. She's picked up on things far away if the other person is strong in the emotion. I've not seen her pick up on it through the Black however. This is new.'

'She did it with Reavers, remember,' Kaylee brought up the subject they had been trying to avoid for three years now.

'She did it with a dead planet because it was implanted in her mind by the Alliance, Kay,' Jayne said from where he stood behind Vera.

'Do you think maybe there was still somethings she knew,' Zoe offered. 'Maybe records she had seen, people she encountered where she was being held?'

'Vera,' Mal asked, 'this Cillian guy have any ties to any surgical experiments? Medical? He fund any?'

'I wouldn't know,' she answered. 'I know he was sick. Like maybe physical like? He had to have injections he could only get at one hospital. He said nowhere could carry it besides there when we offered him some of our medicines.'

'PAX, PAX, grim reaper,' the girl on the bed shrieked in her sleep, clawing at the tubes going into her arm to rehydrate her. Her back arched up off the flat bed, her veins stood out farther this time as her teeth gnashed and she made animal sounds.

Simon and Zoe rushed to her side, the woman holding her down as Simon prepped a needle. Vera ducked under the taller woman's arm and put a mouth guard in River's mouth so she didn't crack her teeth.

* * *

The further he slipped, the longer he went without the injections, the more he had to destroy. He pulled up blueprint after blueprint of his hastily purchased luxury transporter and found the weak points. He spent the rest of his time rigging the ship with various traps. Explosives that worked on the same model of landmines used in ground warfare, trip wires tied to nail bombs, heavy beams meant to bludgeon whoever disturbed them. He did all of this with an unbridled type of glee as he pictured the broken people left in the wake of his destruction. He would tie them to the hull as trophies, he decided. Veronica would make a fitting figurehead like pirates on the ancient sea used. He knew those things, because he was a man of breeding.

'I am the Morningstar,' he laughed to the ghosts that had started to fill his ship. They looked on in slack jawed indifference. 'I am now become Wrath,' he told the visage of his sister, blue and naked as the day she died, `destroyer of worlds.' He sliced off his lips so he could smile bigger when he saw her. She remained unimpressed.

He threw them against the wall, they stuck with a sickening slop. He smiled, bloody gore at his mouth, on what had once been a decently attractive face. It didn't matter, however. Once he got them, he was never returning to the society that had kept his real self suppressed for so long. How dare they try to drug him, poison him with their medicines, for what? He could have been great, he could have been the most powerful man in the Universe. He was no longer capable of the calm, charming facade the medication had made possible. He was far gone, and he liked it.

Whatever the withdrawl from the PAX did to him, he did not see as a negative. He was free.

'And behold,' he addressed the phantoms of his maddness, 'a pale horse. And it's rider's name was Death!' He laughed as he lowered himself under the Pilot console. It was time to really see what a black market cloak program could do.

* * *

'I can't sleep,' Vera said sinking into the co-pilot set across from Jayne.

'Not surprised,' he said distracted by his gun mag, which she happened to know for a fact was a few months old. She'd pick him up a new one on the next stop they had. She figured he may not be in to giving presents, but he'd appreciate a new one. 'Riv gon be okay?' He closed it, and lay it across the console in front of him.

'Simon says she'll be lucid in a day or so. He had to dose her pretty high to stop her clawin at herself. Allie's there now. Jayne,' she asked, making him look at her, 'This plan. It'll work, right?'

'One way or another, our plans always do,' he promised her.

She was silent for a while, clasping and unclasping her hands in her lap, looking nervously to the windshield and back at him.

'You gotta say somethin, Spatzi?'

'I do, it seems stupid though.'

'You know who yer sayin that to, right?'

'You're not stupid. Your skillset is very specific, like mine. People like us don't have the luxury of education. It would jam up our brains. We like to do a couple of things real well.'

'You think we're the same, you and me?'

'I do, I think we're real similar. We both been raised to value family, both skidaddled when it got dangerous for them to have us round. We both like the Black because it makes us feel free, both have visible scars-'

'Alla them have visible scars.'

'Well, that means you and me do as well,' she smiled, unlacing her fingers again. 'I jus...there was this curious story my sister told me when I was a young girl. It was about this red string that tied soulmates together just by their rib here,' she pointed to the rib next to her heart. 'The string would tangle and stretch, but never break. And it only connected those two people. The day you met that person, finally your strings would untie from your rib and your heart would feel lighter. I was thinkin on that last night. About how I saw the ship, and it felt safe. Then I got in, saw River and Inara and something clicked in my head that this would be a good place for a while. The metal was almost...soft, alive, lovin kinda. But then yall came up the ramp. The captain smiled at me, Zoe shook my hand, Allie waved to me. It seemed very natural, nice in a welcoming way. Like I had always been here. But there was you. I saw you and all my burdens didn't seem to matter so much in that second. My chest didn't feel like nothin was tuggin at it. Like maybe one of yall were at the other end of my string.'

'It was Simon, wasn't it,' Jayne joked, trying to lighten the mood. He knew what she was saying because he had felt it since he left her those rabbits. He had never claimed the good deed, just assumed she had put all the information together. She was clever like that. It wasn't a fistful of wildflowers or a shiny ring, but it had been a lovegift all the same. Neither of them had realised it at the time.

'Clearly,' she shot back.

The ship tilted under some unknown weight, shifting them on the bridge to one side. It sent Vera sailingfrom one end to the other, landing just before her head hit the storage locker. Jayne snatched his gun magazine off the console and looked at the monitors.

'No reading,' he said to Allie who had run in, barefoot and in her pyjamas. The pale woman shoved Jayne out of the way and started pressing this and flipping made clucking noises with her tongue as she frantically switched channels a half dozen times. There was a loud metallic thud that shook the entire hull front to back as if going down it in an automatic fashion. They felt the screech of metal as it was torn open, almost like the ship was screaming in agony.

'No, no reading,' Allie said, 'but we are definitely being boarded.


	22. Chapter 22

'Go to my bunk,' Jayne helped her up with the slightest waver in his voice. He touched her gently then, as to savor the way her skin and cloth felt under his fingers for the last time. The thought made her uneasy. 'Load up Birdie and lock yerself in, hear?'

'I-' Vera began to protest.

'Gorramit woman,' he shouted pushing her toward the doorway, 'just get the gun!'

She ran through the corridor then, bare feet slapping against the metal and her robe coming undone. She was praying under her breath, 'not now, please Gott not now. The plan has to work, it has to. The plan, THE PLAN,' she was screaming internally.

Vera slid down into the cheerfully chaotic bunk, magazines and unfolded clothing strewn about in some semblance of a system. Jayne was not fastidious by any stretch of the imagination but he always knew where things were. She was beginning to understand his organized chaos. There were still parts of their lives and belongings that were off limits to each other, but he made sure she always knew she had access to the weapons. She was convinced that he said it because he was sure she wouldn't use them or take them without telling him first.

She crawled across the double wide bed and tore the striped blanket down, revealing the veritable arsenal he kept there. Birdie was a small gun, all chrome with a slender handle made for smaller hands than the mercenary's. He had wondered out loud why he had kept it all this time as he taught her to shoot. After seeing her handle it so confidently, he deemed it her gun. She flicked the chamber out like he had shown her and wondered if when it came time would she have the courage to pull the trigger. She was hoping to never have to use it when she had asked him all that time ago to show her how to shoot.

She searched for the ammo, blindly feeling around in the top drawer of Jayne's bedside table Her fingers brushed numerous cardboard boxes, worn soft at the edges and chipped plastic ones knocked about too roughly. She felt a small leather pouch next to the ammunition boxes. There was something distinctly round with a large lump on it in there. She ignored it, thinking she could ask Jayne about what it was when it was all over. If they survived.

The bullets slid in easily, she shuddered at the click of the chamber back into place. There came a loud hissing all around her, like she was in a big snake closing in on its kill. She dropped the gun and pressed her hands over her ears, trying to block out the noise. Vera started to feel like she couldn't breathe, and tried taking long deep breaths. The inhale became laborious, like she was trying to suck custard through a straw and finally everything went black.

'Shit,' Allie looked around them panicked as the hissing grew louder, 'we're voiding atmo!' She clicked the general comm on but found it would not work. She pressed a few more buttons, jamming her fingers down on them so hard her nail turned white. 'We're disabled,' she told Jayne who was struggling to breathe. she tried locking off parts of the ship, but was getting nothing but the dull clicks of the plastic buttons being pressed too hard. Allie reached under her console and grabbed a breather mask. She turned to tell Jayne to do the same and found him passed out on the floor between the two seats. 'Gou pi!' She lunged across to find the other mask stowed under the co-pilot console.

'No,' a phlegmy tin can voice came from behind her. 'I don't think that's a good idea, Blondie,' Allie turned to see who was saying it. What she saw, she was sure had been ripped from childhood nightmares of monsters hiding in the closet or hostile unknown species coming down and taking children from their beds. The thing in the suit was human, emphasis on was. His face was twisted into a hideous grimace, made more severe by the ruined shreds of flesh that hung penduously from where his lips should have been. He came at her faster than she was expecting. Allie was able to dive in front of the consoles, her back against the enormous windshield of the ship but to no avail. He was faster, he was more determined and he was crazier. She felt the cold rubber of his gloves close around her neck as he wrestled her to the ground, laughing as he splattered blood onto the visor of his helmet. His grip tightened as her vision went pinhole thin before finally blinking out completely. He hadn't bothered to remove her breather mask.

Cillian walked calmly over to the console, typing in his enabling code and putting the atmo up to 70 percent. Enough to keep them unconscious, but he did not want to kill them. No, not yet.

He giggled as he removed his helmet, leaving a small breather covering his nose but making sure his lips were free to speak and spout his prophecy. He had seen the edges of space, he had given in to his insanity. His tongue felt the raw edges around his mouth and he breathed a sigh of relief in tasting the scabs that had cracked open there.

* * *

He made short work of collecting up the crew: the Captain and the whore were entagled with each other, the silk between their bodies had frozen to her skin, the remnants of lovemaking sweat had frozen when they voided. With the temperature steadily rising again, they became sensually soggy as he tied their wrists and ankles, dragging them into the cargo bay.

The Doctor and his wife were in the infirmary. The doctor had tried to shield his wife from whatever they felt was going to attack them. He had passed out with his arm still over her shoulder. Bound and deposited, he set them next to the The Whore and Giant, who had taken considerable strength to remove. He enjoyed the unexpected cut the man obtained down one side of his face in the process.

The Younger Tam, he could not find. He suspected she had been the one hooked up to the tubes and sensors that lay all over the floor of the infirmary. He thought perhaps she had passed away, having seen the readouts in the sickbay. She had probably crawled away somewhere to die, like a cat or other lesser animal. Cillian had decided to leave the dead Pilots where they were. They were not essential to his plan. The Warrior woman had been in the pantry, she was surrounded by broken jars and open bottles that had popped in the voiding. Her stony face was placid like a child's in her unconsciousness. She was actually very beautiful when she stopped trying to act like a man. He had found Veronica slumped over in one of the bunks, a small gun not far from her hand. Her nightgown had come unbuttoned, revealing the comforting familiar shape of her breasts. He scolded himself not taking her then, but he had to remind himself that this was about more than taking her back. This was about making her pay.

With the atmo back at 100 they started to stir, struggling against their restraints. A few let out moans as their lungs worked and eyes dryly opened. The doctor coughed so hard he puked Cillian was very amused. His captives were left weakened from the lack of oxygen, unable to fight back at full capacity.

'No,' Veronica woke up and started to shout at him from her position against the airlock door, facing the rest of them like an audience. 'No, no, no,' she shouted again, pulling at her ropes. 'Let them go,' she screamed at him. 'You don't want them, Cillian! You want me. You got me, now let them go,' she screamed until he was sure her throat would be red raw and sawed from her body. He turned to face her, stepping aside so she could get a look at the Giant, who was the last to stir, his head wound obviously having taken a bigger toll than the assailant had suspected. A wonderful surprise.

'My reward is with me,' he leaned in close to her, taking in deeply her smell. She had the smell of someone who had sex recently. Heady and salty, sharp with body odor that was not all offensive. 'And I will give to everyone according to what they have done.'

Vera leaned away from his breath that smelled like a mortuary. It was laden with some fruity rot that she couldn't place but had smelled in the barnyards back home. The flesh around his mouth had begun to turn purple and yellow like a bad bruise. The scabs were weeping with clear liquid that was swirled throughout with green ropy rivulets of puss. He had removed his flightsuit to the waist like she had seen Kaylee do with her green coveralls, it was pushed down low on his jutting hips. He was emaciated now his face wrecked and gaunt. Had it not been for the distinguishing tattoos and his voice she would had doubted the strange creature keeping them captive now was even him. His starved physique made the bomb all the more obvious. It had been buried in the thin layers of skin that covered his stomach, a red light blinking could be seen through the blue-grey flesh. He didn't intend to leave survivors. She looked to her fellow captives, finding that both Pilots were absent. 'Please let them have gotten away,' she begged silently.

'Please,' she begged, holding back her sobs. 'Just take me, yeah? Take me on to your ship, I'll go with you,' she was nodding her head as if the motion could convince him to do it. She could get them out of range if he took her. She could get them far into the Black before she detonated the bomb sending them both to the Creator and leaving the crew safe. They could get on without her, she figured tearfully. They had before, they survived and loved, lost and fought before she brought the hurt onto them.

'Oh it's too late for bargaining, darling,' he ran a dry bony hand under the ropes that crossed her chest and brushed her nipple, 'we passed that when you killed my heir, refused my love and ran away to slut your way across the ENTIRE FUCKING VERSE,' he shouted spitting vile smelling breath in her face. He composed himself, frowning in concentration as he turned to face the rest of the crew.

'This is the day of reckoning,' he addressed the room, his voice bouncing off the metal in an affectionate echo that made him think of the Gladiators of ancient times. The crier before the match, he longed for Lions to sic on them. He saw the Giant try to stand, but falling hard down on his knees and swearing at the pain. Cillian made his way over to the large man, who in his bound state was only able to ineffectively lean away from him and risk falling over into the Warrior. He had to use plastic reinforced ties on him, the kind that lock up once the size was set, in fear that just the very flexing of the man's muscles would break regular rope. 'This,' he scoffed, 'roughneck. This is who you prefer?' He grabbed Jayne by the blood matted hair on one side of his head and lowered his mouth to the cauliflowered ear there. He turned to smile at Vera in a way that used to be handsome and disarming. In a flash he turned again and striking like a rattlesnake he bit the man's ear clean off, spitting it out toward her. His teeth stained red, smilng in a perverse satisfaction, he wiped his chin and smeared the blood down his own chest and sighed in contentment.

Jayne screamed then, falling onto the side that had not been mangled. His head hit the bay floor with a thud. If he didn't have a concussion he surely would. He was paling rapidly as the pool of blood grew around him.

She could see Inara trying to edge close enough to Mal to pick at the knots on him with her long, manicured nails. Simon twisted uncomfortably trying to get his legs out in front of him. Zoe's legs shuffled together to try and catch the ropes on her boot lace hooks.

'I have to say,' he laughed at their struggling, 'this was disappointingly easy.'

'Yeah, well,' Mal said, 'figured we'd give you a break, seeing as you're ta ma de crazy.'

'I am enlightened, Captain Reynolds. I have enjoyed the touch of the gods, they have sent me to judge you. It just so happens your fate is a satisfyingly bloody one. Now hands up who wants to go next? Your Pilot had the honor of being first to get her reward.'

They all shouted out, Kaylee letting out a strangled 'No' and Inara started sobbing. Zoe let out something akin to an animal growl as she pulled against her bindings.

'Stop,' Vera shrieked, attempting to stand. 'Stop it, you monster!' Tears hot and wild were flowing off her cheeks and onto her hobbled legs, her nose had started to run. Cillian thought of how lovely she was when she was scared. The way veronica feared things was palpable, delicious in the way it charge the air around her. It was why he had wanted her so bad-because she was afraid.

'Oh darling,' he addressed her. 'Don't be so silly, you stupid girl. This is your reward. I think I may start with The Warrior. Zoe Washburne you are very surely a fine woman, and it pains me to not be able to spare you. If only for your physical company.'

'No,' she continued to shout impodently as she shut her eyes tight. When no scream came after a few seconds she ventured to open one eye. She first saw Kaylee who had passed out, then looked to Zoe who still sat stoic and wide eyed the knife Cillian had launched at her had instead of piercing her heart as intended, was embedded in the grate just in front of them. She opened the other to find everyone else unharmed, Jayne had manged to sit up and break his wrist cuffs and was undoing Simon's so he could tend to the injured. His ear, now detatched from his head had started to curl into itself, looking like a dried apricot.

Cillian was on his back, blood leaking from his ears but his chest still rising and falling a bit more rapidly than a normal person's. The sheen of sweat on his body made him look like a marble statue.

River stood over him triumphantly, an idol from Inara's shuttle clenched in one hand, the base of it was covered in blood. She looked up and around the bay, like she was finally piecing the situation together. The life returned to her eyes as she saw them all in different stages of distress. She was tallying them up in her head and missing one.

'You all take such looking after,' she smiled vacantly, dropping the Buddha with a loud clang.

* * *

AN: sorry it took me so long! I am not abandoning this story, I promise. I'm just not ready to be done with it yet. thanks to everyone who is actually sticking with me!


	23. Chapter 23

Inara's breath gasped out uncontrollably as she felt the ropes fall from her wrists. It was relief, fear, mourning, triumph. Before Mal could help her, she twisted, sitting awkwardly and tore at the knots around her knees and ankles, breaking a long lacquered nail in the process.

'Kaylee,' she shouted, once freed and crawled over to her friend, ' hey you- wake up, baby.' She reached out to lightly tap the freckled cheek she loved so well when Simon stopped her.

'She's fine, Inara,' he assured her, picking his wife up as if she weighed no more than a feather. 'Zoe, Mal,' he ordered in a rare show of confidence. 'Can you get the prisoner to the infirmary? We can strap him down and immobilise him. Vera,' he looked to the girl who was finally slipping her ropes from around her chest and waist down to the floor, 'You and River-'

'I have to get Allie,' River looked around, puzzled. 'She's alone, and scared,' a smile broke through her expression and tears spilled down her cheeks as she covered her mouth and spoke through her fingers, 'but alive.' She ran off without another word, leaving footprints in blood trailing behind her.

Mal and Zoe moved toward the creature, Zoe refused to think of it as a man. It was the colour of stone and steel, all bones and sharp edges. It looked like if you touched it in the wrong spot it could slice your fingers open.

'There's a bomb there,' Vera pointed a shaky finger at the thing laying in its own blood. 'We need to get it out,' she said, stunted like a toddler beginning to talk. She had not stood, although divested of the ropes. Her knees were tucked up into her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs.

'We'll take care if it,' Mal crouched down next to her, talking in a gentle lilt that reminded Zoe of how he sounded before the worst of the combat began. It was soft and authoritative, Mal never had to shout to command attention back then. 'You've done real well so far, meimei. We just need ya to be brave a little while longer, yeah? Your boyfriend is bleedin there, your jiejies need help. We need you right now.'

'Yes sir,' she nodded numbly, accepting his hand up.

They brought him into the infirmary and strapped him down with whatever they could get their hands on: medical restraints, gauze ropes, belts from their own clothes. All mindful to keep clear of the faint red light under his skin, all making sure his hands and feet were ties so tightly they almost turned purple.

On the auxilliary bed, Kaylee began to stir, blinking as she looked around. Her head turned to face Cillian's and she screamed again, scrambling to sitting and shoving herself as far into a corner as possible. Allie lay still unconscious on the couch just outside the window, faint bruises on her neck. She looked so white, in a different way than usual. There was no glow, no shine like River said came from her inside.

'Shhhh, shhh,' Inara sat next to her, bringing the younger girl's head to her chest and petting Kaylee's hair as she cooed comforting noises to her. 'I know, love, I know.'

'Zoe,' she said, her head coming up so quickly it nearly knocked Inara in the chin, 'OH God Zoe,' she started to cry, burying her face in Inara's chest.

'Zoe is fine, meimei,' she rocked them both side to side. 'He never touched her. Everyone is fine.'

'Speak for yourself,' Jayne limped in, blood clotted black and thick on one side of his face, a small mass of skin in his hand that looked like a dead mouse. He held it out to Simon, who was rubbing Kaylee's back. A sharp gasp came from the couch where Allie lay, Vera applying a thick yellow salve to the bruises.

Simon rushed past the bleeding man, a touch to his arm, to the gasping woman. He reasoned it out, there was so much to do and if Jayne was still breathing and his blood had coagulated, he was in better shape than their Pilot.

Mal and Zoe bent over the unconscious man, too scared to cut into the dead looking skin to get the bomb, Mal figured they'd need Simon's sure surgical hands and River's explicable genius to assure they didn't all blow up.

'Not blowing up is a good thing,' Mal said out loud.

'Sure is, sir,' Zoe managed a small smile as she looked up at him. Her otherwise regal expression was soft and pliable; she didn't know what to do with her hands as they fell and rose along her sides. Her face had grown paler since her escape from death. Mal was worried she was going to fall over.

'Okay,' Simon came in a snapped on a pair of purple examination gloves. He removed a stitch tray from a drawer and held it out toward where Vera stood in the door, Jayne behind her holding a handkerchief up to the side of his head. 'Do you know how to stitch more than clothes?'

'UH-yes,' she faltered, accepting the tray, a pair of gloves folded on top.

'Shiny,' he replied, turning again to the drawer, he pulled out a burn kit and gave it to Inara to treat any rope burns. 'Go clean and prep Jayne for stitching, do the gash on his face first. I'll need your assistance to reattach the ear.'

'But River, or Zoe-'

'River needs to go to the bridge and get us detatched. Zoe needs to help pilot this thing so we're not dead in the void,' Mal ordered.

'Can you do it,' Simon asked her shortly as he prodded the area that concealed the explosive carefully. He rolled up a sleeve before grasping a scalpel, holding it close to the skin of their patient. Simon looked up to her for an answer, the scalpel hovering before he made the first cut.

'Yes, Doctor,' she answered, turning to leave.

'Thank you, Healer,' he answered, giving her a small grin and a nod.

Jayne was sat on the floor between the low table and the couch, Vera sat on the arm of it to seat comfortably.

'It'll sting,' she warned, bringing the cleanser up to his face, careful not to brush the ruin of his ear. Simon had sealed it in a cryopod, it sat on a shelf next to a medical journal and some swabs.

He gave a hiss as something medicinal and cold was pressed against the side of his face, a sharp pin prick of a sting shot through his entire head.

'It's deep, Grosser Bär,' she said apologetically. 'I could get my pinkie in there.'

'Please don't,' he tried to smile but the dried blood pulled painfully at his skin. Jayne could feel her fingers, with the slightest tremor, as they tried to find the live edges to stitch together.

'You'll need two sets. One inside and one outside.'

'I trust you, spatzi, Do what you gotta,' he closed his eyes and sat back, letting her start her work. The first pinprick went through him ike a gunshot. The cord used to stitch him up was smooth but he could feel it slide through his flesh with the most miniscule but frustrating noises. Her fingers stilled as she felt him shiver. He wanted to say it was from the irritation on his skin, the noises at the edge of his hearing- but it was neither. It was how she quickly offered her life in exchange for all of theirs. Like they were more important than she was.

'Jayne,' she asked, soft and hoarse. He turned to face her, pulling the thread taut and painful against his abused face. He silently bade her to say her piece but hardened his eyes to let her know it would make little difference in improving his mood. 'You know why I did that, right?' Please tell me you understand why people give their lives for others?'

'I know why,' he said defensively. 'I aint stupid, ya know.'

'As long as you know,' she swallowed hard and gently directed his face away from her so she could continue. She kept in the back of her mind that small leather pouch and the content of it that was possibly meant for her. 'Ich liebe dich, Grosser Bär.' He relaxed under her touch, grabbing her knee assuringly.

After she finished, Simon came out to the ones that were left recovering in a blood splattered coat that had once been impeccably white and pressed, Jayne suspected it had been starched as well. After so many surgeries he still tried to keep the facade of the proper doctor intact. There was an inkling there that perhaps after all they had been through and all he had seen, that the white coat was the last shred of a civilization that did not want him, and that he would not willingly rejoin but reminded him of that unbreakable vow he took.

The ship shuddered as Cillian's small vessel was detatched and set adrift, like a ghost ship on the ancient sea. The general comms hissed to life as Zoe regaled them with the grim findings in the parasitic ship. Traps and live wires sticking out from the walls, rotting body parts with their overripe fruit flesh coming off the bone propped into the copilot seat in some sick parody of a person, obscenities written in excrement of all types that the human body could produce on the walls and windshield.

'It was full of nightmares,' they heard softly, as if River had whispered it over Zoe's shoulder. 'We've thrown all that out now,' she assured them.

* * *

Cillian woke up feeling hollow, like a rotten trunk left to termites and fungus. He tried to move his head from side to side but found himself impressively restrained by what felt like a belt off someone's cheap, Rim-made trousers. He let out a roar not entirely human, a shout to garner attention and instill fear. All that happened after his eyes readjusted to the light was the Doctor came back in, checking the bag of clear liquid that hung above his arm, the tube trailing down and sticking into his arm like a jigger that burrowed under your skin after the monsoons.

'After I rape your wife, I'll start in on you,' he threatened through scab encrusted lips but the ugly words came up short in the reaction he was hoping to get. The Doctor nodded benignly, not so much as a shred of hate or vitriol in the insolent blue eyes that looked on him. He then saw the Doctor lift the bomb that had been buried so comfortingly under his skin, turning it this way and that in the light. The red button at the front was no longer blinking, it had been rendered as impodent as he.

He clenched all his muscles and tried to break his restraints, vowing to begin his rampage with his bare hands if he could get free. He could loosen the head part of his trapping only just enough to look down at his own stomach, a ruin of blue-grey flesh and red raw stitches. The place his weapon once was empty as a womb that had just birthed a child. He felt, for the first time in his life, unmanned and violated. He dropped his head back down, angry tears falling to the sides of his head, soaking the hygenic sterile paper that lay on top of the surgical couch.

Focusing on the face that floated above him- lovely rounded features and her clear green eyes, deviod of fear for the first time in his presence. Her lips twisted into a dainty frown as the large man came up behind her to put a hand on her shoulder. She lay hers on this man's and looked back to him.

'He looks like one of them possums we got in the traps when I was a boy,' the large man with the reattached ear said as her gaze returned to Cillian.

'Then we should give him the same mercy you extend to such creatures,' she seemed to decide, giving him a final appraisal. She turned to walk out, the large man trailing behind her like a Great Dane; with a lollop in his step and an adoration that defied pride and dignity.

He shouted again as the door slid shut, sealing him off from the rest of the denizens of the tin can he was imprisoned in, his threats being swallowed by the vacuum around the ship and the Void not caring to bear witness to the ugly words he slung.

If he was to die, he was not doing it quietly.

* * *

Allie coughed as she tried to swallow the soothing draught Vera has given her. It tasted like grass and dirt, a faint hint of mentholated spirits and swamp water.

'Come on,' Vera encouraged gently, 'you hafta get the whole of it down ya.' Her one spindly arm was wrapped around shoulders, propping her to sitting.

They were on the move again, back toward Agustine for some reason unknown to the Pilot. Vera shrugged when asked and Mal kept council with Zoe and Jayne on the matter, all standing in a triangle in stony silence, each holding their crossed arms steadfast to their chests. River said she was not to tell secrets and Simon sat with his wife and their Companion friend, taking turns at being comforted and comforting each other. They seemed oblivious to the plans, if there was any at all.

Hours earlier they had disposed of their frightening adversary, Mal looking to Vera on the matter and asking what was to be done with him. This was her revenge after all. The cook's face contorted in concentration, as if mulling over her options. It seemed the most inopportune time for Cillian to speak up.

'Suffer a witch to live and your days will not be long, mark my words! She will-'

'Oh shutup,' Vera silenced him in a loud, clear voice that bore no tremor of fear. 'Witches aint real, you aint God...you're just a sad, crazy, dangerous man. I aint gon suffer you to live. Space him,' she decided confidently, then faltered a bit and looked to Jayne. He gave her the slightest nod of approval, just an incline of his head so imperceptable Allie wasn't even sure she saw it.

There had been a change in the air since he came aboard. It seemed thick and rotten like refuse left in the sun too long. Allie didn't know if the smell came off him or from the stale air that was pumped through the filters but it was making her queasy. Or maybe it was the way Vera's eyes hardened as she stepped to the airlock and gazed at the monster behind the glass. The small six inch window allowed her to get practically nose to nose with him. She gently hovered her hand over this voiding button and examined him one last time. Her face was sadly serene, and a single tear eacaped from under her lashes as she stood wide eyed and unblinking. She pressed the button.

* * *

There was not going to be anything to make her falter. If Vera had learned anything from her time with these people, it was that stealing was all well and good as long as the person you were stealing from had more than enough to live on and the liberation of goods was not going to affect their lifestyle.

She had been burgled, by the thing that used to be man behind the glass. It snarled and bit at her from the other side, resembling much the boogeyman she used to consider him. The theif in the night who would chip away pieces of her soul and who in one fell swoop ended her childhood. She had been deprived of something that affected her lifestyle. She did not have more than enough to replace it.

Vera took a deep breath and hardened her heart, forgetting that he was once a person, a treasured child that a woman once held to her chest and called baby. As the airlock hissed, she didn't let the feelings of others stop her hand from pressing down harder, willing the machinery to work quickly.

He was sucked away from them, arms outstretched and eyes bulging pink out of his head. Her mouth went dry like the scoured earth after summer gales.

She let her hand fall, her work done. She hugged herself tightly and turned to her audience, witness to the last soft parts of her that had turned hard and cold. She smiled, tender and sad as she always had:

'I'm free.'


	24. Chapter 24

Vera slept alone that night, in her own bunk as opposed to in the soft warm double wide cot Jayne had in his quarters. She saw this as penance. Vera sat on the bed and brought a pillow up to her mouth as she let out a scream and sobbed violently into the plush of it.

She had killed somebody. She had had patients die before- it was a part of living without access to proper medical care. They sought her's and Melly's help because the Guild appointed doctors were either too busy or disinterested in helping the poorest of the poor in their village and the surrounding farms. There was a time in her life when people came from as far as five towns over to see Vera and her sister.

She was mourning, but not for Cillian. Not for the boogeyman who stole her childhood and a secret part of her that she was supposed to give freely to someone she loved...or at least liked a little. She mourned the last parts of Healer that resided in her soul. She thought of the babies Melly delivered and Vera felt she could swaddle an entire planet's newborn population as they greeted their new world and it would still not make up for the life she took. Even worse, she could not bring a life into the world to restore the balance.

'I am no longer myself,' she stated quietly, bringing her lips just far enough from the pillow to eek out the words which brought on more tears.

Jayne could hear her through the vents. Her crying, however she had tried to conceal it echoed off the cold metal and travelled rough to where he was laying fully clothed on top of his blanket. He didn't know how he was going to get to sleep knowing she was so close but so far from him. Physical proximity had nothing to do with her distance tonight, after dinner she had locked herself away in her own thoughts and had not spoken to anyone for hours before silently padding off to her bunk, her knitting loosely draped over her fingers and trailing behind her. Her eyes were blank and haunted at once, everytime she made eye contact with someone they shone a bit too brightly and she looked away before anyone would piece together what she may had been feeling. He hated that he was bad at figuring women out. He was never any comfort to his Ma when she got in a mood, nor Mattie when she would lock herself in the water closet and cry for hours. He had never attempted to lift the spirits of Zoe or Inara when they were in distress, afraid he'd either reveal too much of his care and regard or he would come off as leery as he often had when attempting friendship with them. Kaylee had always shouldered his clumsy attempts with her own kind of grace in the form of a watery smile and a pat to his arm.

But now, he was completely useless to the one woman he wanted more than anything to say the right thing to. As if there were magic words that would make her feel better. All he could do was silently pray her god to take her pain away.

He finally fell asleep when the vent stopped shaking with the choked crying.

* * *

'I can't face them,' she said the next morning at breakfast as the crew ate hungrily at the porridge and dried fruit she had set down in front of them. River wiped a few of her own tears away as she added more raisins to the mix in her bowl.

'They're your family, meimei,' Inara said, stopping Vera as she rounded her chair, 'they will understand.'

'How can they understand,' Vera asked her friend, her lip trembling, 'how can they ever know what he put me through? What yall have gone through because of me?'

'Would you want them to,' Inara asked her, pulling the cook into a hug and Vera relaxed in the cocoon of silks and sandalwood the Companion's embrace created.

'No,' she breathed in the calming smell and rested her cheek on the orange silk of her friend's robe. 'But I killed him, and I aint sorry for it.'

'You shouldn't be,' River looked up from her breakfast. 'His head was full of monsters and dead bodies. He was going to hurt us. You're not a killer,' she raised her eyes to make sure she was making contact with Vera's, 'You're my hero.'

Inara kissed her on the head as she released her, 'You're my hero,' she gave her one last squeeze and returned to her seat. Allie popped up and gave Vera a hug around her waist.

'You're my hero,' the pilot told her and moved to the side. One by one the crew came up to her with this declaration, hugging and smoothing her hair, wiping her face with their long fingers and clapping her shoulder with their broad hands.

Jayne stood, the last to show his thanks. He strode over to her with two steps from his long legs until they were toe to toe like in the bar on Beylix. He felt the same excited apprehension he did that night. Her body heat radiating from under her dress made him feel overwarm and her herbal smell drove his head to swim. He took her face in his hands, cradling it like crystal that would shatter if held too firmly. She looked up at him tearful, but the broken look in her eyes had gone. She looked full of hope and wonder again. She smiled up at him as he studied the change in her, which had come on as quickly as she had decended into guilt.

'Ich liebe dich,' he said hoarse and soft as his lips lowered to hers. Before they would have touched he breathed out, barely audible, 'you saved my life.' He pressed his lips on hers with none of the fevered insistence they had previously. There was no askance from this kiss, it was an offering. 'You're my hero.'

'You're mine,' she buried her face in his chest and started giggling, her face turning red at such a public display of affection. In that moment she felt cleansed: of tears and guilt, the hot iron ball in her chest that she felt sinking like a shipwreck. none of it existed in that room at that moment. She may had not done any healing but she had saved their lives, and they had saved hers.

She sat next to Jayne at the table, as costomarily as the first meal they had all shared. Their legs pressed together, and this time it did not put her on edge or make her heart flutter. There was a domesticity to what she felt there now. Something on the safe side of passion and infatuation and worship for not just him but every single one of the people in that room that had lived despite the Verse's best efforts. She lifted her coffee to her mouth, making a silent toast for the incredibly singular and strong people she had the pleasure of dining with and calling friends. Across from her, River sipped hers and gave her a small nod to her private thanks.

* * *

Their food since the confrontation in the galley had been suffused with hope and longing for greenery. Their coffee seemed effervescent and restorative, the bread heady with yeast and salt made them lusty and excited. Between all the couples on the ship Zoe could barely get away from the sounds of rutting. Vera took to singing again, and sat cross legged in Jayne's lap as she knitted in her downtime, occasionally holding up a sleeve or a hat to one crew member or another. Zoe found her foot accosted whilst she was taking watch on the bridge and two days later was presented with a pair of brown knee high socks that felt downright luxurious under her boots. Mal and Inara surprised them all by waking everyone up in the middle of a night cycle and declaring themselves married. He was captain and he declared it therefore it was true, which was good enough for all of them. There was a sly smile on Kaylee's face as she parcellled up the remnants of her wedding cake that had been left out on the table earlier that night. It seemed the cake had done just what was intended. For that reason Jayne and Vera had given it a wide berth in the larder.

'If I ever agree to marry anyone I want to be in my right mind,' they had both said separately when Inara mused over her newest happiness.

'This thing needs to hurry up,' Vera bounced on the balls of her feet as Zoe cycled the airlock. The door lowered agonisingly slow to reveal a clear but chilly Spring day with a big bright sun beating down right into the cargo bay of the ship. She heard a faint squeal and before she knew it a black flash came running at her, booted feet and cotton skirts tumbling over her and kissing her cheeks.

'Oh Veronica dear,' Melly said, not bothering to get them up off the floor as they clung to each other laughing. 'Oh you're back, you're really back! I didn't sleep last night, fraid I'd wake up to find out it was all a dream!'

'I'm here,' she reassured her older sister, getting themselves both up off the floor and smoothing Melly's shirt.

Zoe smiled at the exchange in front of her, the older sister was tall and slender with a long elegant neck and a dignified way of holding herself once they were righted. She was a stark contrast to her short, curvy and somewhat tomboyish little sister.

Melly reached out to touch the ends of Vera's hair which now barely fell to the bottom of her breasts.

'Oh you have changed, my love,' she cooed at her younger sister. 'It'll grow back.'

'I actually like it,' Vera said in the softly confident way she had about her now, her shoulders thrown back and eye contact daring anyone to disagree with her. 'Inara cut it for me and now my head don't hurt all the time.'

'You're always beautiful meine Liebe,' she bent her knees to embrace Vera again before looking around to find people gathered around them.

'Introductions are in order,' the redhead said brightly, clapping her hands, turning to the crew. She ran down the list of names and jobs, positions and sometimes favourite foods for each member and making sure to state something nice about each one. She came to Jayne and walked over to him, taking his hand. 'And this is Jayne,' she said without the laundry list the others had gotten. Melly gave him a knowingly appraising look. He reckoned this was as good as meeting her ma that he was going to get so he made sure to stand of straight and made sure to point his gnarled ear away from her as to not offend her.

To his surprise Melly hugged him, much tighter than he would have expected from her thin arms.

'It is so good to meet you,' she said to him before they parted and turned to the rest of the crew, 'it's so nice to meet all of you! If yall follow me, we've made up the extra room and the potting shed for you all to stay in if you insists yall eat with us for your stay, however.'

'Of course he does,' Vera smiled as she looped her arm through her sister's and bounced as they walked toward the homestead.

A tall, bald man with a severe nose and an apologetic stoop to his posture greeted them, removing his worn straw hat and streaking dirt across his shiny forehead as he did so. He beamed as he dropped the plow hes been toiling with and came loping toward his daughters, a smile stretched his entire face immediately removing that last decade of age from his otherwise handsome countenance.

He picked his younger daughter up and spun her around, laughing as he did so.

'Oh Spatzi,' he greeted her as he set her down and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger on her hairline. Jayne's stomach clenched at the use of a nickname he thougt of as something for them only. It was a special name he had only bestowed upon two women in his life, the most gentle and beautiful thing he knew how to say. Vera's father pulled himself from his revelry and looked at the crew. They were all stood in a line before him, watching the exchange.

'Thank you for bringing my daughter home,' he told them, wrapping a protective arm around Vera. He searched the lineup of haphazardly put together people in front of him. 'Where're your things,' he asked her.

'Daddy,' Melly interjected.

'They're on the ship, in my bunk,' Vera answered, looking from her sister to her father. 'Daddy, you don't think I'm stayin, do you?'

* * *

Inara listened through the door separating the shabby parlour from the large kitchen where Kaylee and Melly were sat at the table, Mal and Jayne were leaning against the long wooden counters.

'Aint polite to drop eves, Nara,' Jayne warned, crossing his arms over his broad chest. Melly looked up to the large man and smiled at his turn of phrase. He was much older than she had pictured him from what her sister had said about him, but if his care of her was only a fraction of what had been recounted to her, she didn't mind their considerable age gap. She had observed him with her sister as they all went into the house. He was restrained in his attentions, but just barely, giving Vera's shoulder a reassuring squeeze as she went into the parlour with their father for a 'private talk,' that insinuated an argument.

'I am not,' Inara smiled prettily and denied. 'I was resting my head against this door,' she innocently carressed the doorframe wit her graceful fingers. This made Mal give her an exasperated look.

'He can't make her stay if she don't want,' Kaylee half asked, looking to Melly.

'She's seemed happy,' Melly said by way of an answer, 'and she is so changed. I hope she can carve out her own path in life and I know Daddy wants that as well. There's a streak of our Momma in her: determined but doesn't like to cause any trouble. Or perhaps that has changed.'

'No, bout the same,' Zoe agreed from her seat in the corner of the room where she was sitting, her legs crossed and her top one bouncing nervously. 'Just, cheerier now.'

'Less scared,' Jayne added before he could stop himself.

'Might more troublesome,' Mal laughed in recollection of his being chucked out of the galley on several occasions.

'Red sky at night, still,' River nodded and plucked an apple from the fruitbowl in the middle of the table. She crunched on it noisily and held out the half eaten fruit to Allie who took a big bite as well.

'Would yall be willing to keep her on,' Melly asked.

'She's one of us now,' Mal answered reassuringly. 'She's got a place on our boat as long as we're floatin as far as I'm concerned.'

'Inara calls her sister,' River said. Melly looked at the Companion who seemed to be a curvier, more refined mirror of herself.

* * *

'Daddy what made you think I was comin home to stay,' Vera asked as her father's tired eyes looked into her's. The same placid shade of green they had always been now seemed a bit cloudy, a bit faded.

'Well, it's safe now, isn't it,' he asked her. 'Melly said he was gone. Baby, is this because I didn't see the signs? because i failed you when you needed me most,' he asked barelyholding back his tears. She had known her Daddy to cry once, and that was the night they put Momma in the ground.

'Oh Daddy,' she knelt in front of the chair he had lowered his long lean body into, 'I aint doin this to punish anyone. True, in the beginning, if it had been safe I was gon come back here to live out my life. But I've seen places and met people. The universe is wide and wild and I want to see as much of it as I can, or like, or am allowed. I want to experience things. I spent a long time cowerin and being afraid. I want to live.'

'And those people in there,' she continued, motioning to the door behind her, 'they want me with them as they do the same. We help each other out, we share sorrows and joys. When one of us can't take care of ourselves the others do it for us.'

'You have plenty of care here, Vera. You have counties of people who need your care in turn.'

'You're bein stubborn,' she stood and rose her voice.

'So are you,' he stood and pointed a finger in her face.

'I'll be damned if I ever let a man dictate my life again,' she snatched his finger from in front of her. Her father's expression was tragic at her words. He knew in that moment she was going no matter what he said. She could either do it in anger, or go with the knowledge that she had a family that supported and loved her.

He pulled her into a hug and smoothed her hair, 'Of course not, Spatzi. No one can tell you what to do anymore.'

* * *

AN: this is going to be longer than I anticipated, thank you all for your patience!


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